Stronger Than You Seem
by ElisaCollette
Summary: "Everything is spinning out of control," Jade said, her voice sounding broken and sad. "That's because you're trying to control everything. And you simply can't." Set five years after Try Again Tomorrow and ten years after they graduated from Hollywood Arts. Ghosts emerge from the pasts of Jade, Tori, and Cat - threatening the lives they've built. Sequel to Try Again Tomorrow.
1. The World Should Go On

Well, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do this. But I'm pretty happy with it so far, so it's a go. Here is the prologue to _Stronger Than You Seem_, a sequel to _Try Again Tomorrow_ and a companion to _A History of Shadows_. I hope you enjoy it. Please let me know what you think!

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**Stronger Than You Seem**

"_Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think_."  
― A.A. Milne

Prologue – The World Should Go On

"A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on." ~Carl Sandburg

"Your need to control everything around you is reaching an unhealthy level," Emily told her.

"You're insane," Beck told her.

"That sounds scary," was Tori's addition to the conversation. Andre didn't want to hear about it – he became squirrely anytime it was mentioned. Cat didn't care how it happened – she was gleeful that a baby was on the way. She had no cause to worry about how it would happen.

Jade was worried. She did not want to be surrounded by doctors, being told what to do and when to do it. She'd had enough hospitals for a lifetime. And she wasn't sick – she was pregnant. So, to the horror of her friends and family, she decided she wasn't going to the hospital.

In collective agreement, they believed she was crazy. None of them, except for maybe her therapist, Emily, understood that she needed to be in control; and this was the only way to do it. Beck eventually supported her; mostly because he didn't have a choice. She woke early on a Tuesday morning in November, her back hurting unexpectedly. Her water broke before she reached the bathroom.

"Beck! Beck!"

Her husband of five years and companion of eleven rushed into the bathroom, the sleep disappearing from his concerned expression. "Is it time?"

"Why the hell else would I wake you up at four in the morning?" She snarled. "Call Lilly." Their midwife was a sprightly young woman who had worked all her life delivering babies with her grandmother before taking over the practice herself. She was only a few years older than Jade. By the time she arrived at the Oliver Estate, there were several friends already awake and in attendance. While Jade had agreed that Cat and Tori could be around when the baby arrived, she didn't expect they'd be there through the labor - Jade didn't want anyone involved in that. She wanted them to go elsewhere and just come back for the happy part. Alas, the entire household was awake within the hour.

She was in the kitchen, making herself a cup of tea, when Tori and Cat appeared from their bedrooms and Andre arrived from his apartment. They all flocked toward her until she started screaming, commanding them to stay back. "I am going upstairs - to my bedroom. I don't want to see or hear any of you." With that, she began waddling up the stairs with her cup of tea, Lilly and Beck close behind. The three old friends wandered into the large living room and made themselves content with the fact that they would be waiting for quite some time. An hour later, Ella and Bryan Oliver arrived. The elegant matriarch immediately went up the stairs, ignoring the friends' warnings about Jade's foul mood.

The screaming frightened Cat. She'd spent most of her life hearing Jade scream about one thing or another - but it was nothing like this. There was pain and fear backing it up that brought the tiny redhead to the verge of tears. She sat in the upstairs hallway by herself, close enough to hear what was happening in the master bedroom and far enough away as not to impose. A break in the noise brought Beck into the hallway and he saw her, sitting with her forehead resting on her knees, bright red hair splayed around her like a curtain.

"Cat, she's gonna be okay."

"Why does it have to hurt so much? If it's natural, shouldn't it be easier?"

"I don't know," he admitted, running his hands through his hair. "Do you want to see Jade?"

"She said no," Cat reminded him, her eyes wide with the idea of defying his extremely moody wife.

"I think she's forgotten," Beck promised, "Come on." He motioned for Cat to enter the room and went down the stairs in search of something. Cat stood timidly in the doorway. Her best friend was walking around the room, her right hand resting on the large stomach under her nightgown. Cat could see that she was in pain in the way she carried herself. And she was sweaty; that was sure to make her unhappy.

"You can come in," Jade called, coming to a stop at the window. Cat scampered to her side. "I'm fine," she offered, in the most reassuring voice she could manage. It was enough for Cat.

"Why doesn't the baby want to come out?" Cat asked.

"It's not that she doesn't want to," Jade told her. "She just needs time." Another contraction started and she held on tightly to window frame, bracing herself. She didn't cry or scream. It hurt her not to, but she could see the effect her screaming was having on Cat. Once it passed, Jade sat on the edge of the bed and patted the spot beside her. Cat sat next to her, gently.

"This is going to take a long time," Jade told her. "I don't want you to be upset if I scream. It's normal."

"It doesn't sound normal," Cat informed her.

"It is," Jade promised. "Can you go downstairs with Tori? In the living room? Ask her to watch _The Lion King_ with you. And color a picture for the baby."

"Okay," Cat agreed.

"Okay," Jade said, watching her go. She waited, breathing through her nose as she tried to count Cat's steps. Once she was certain her friend was on the first floor of the house, she hid her face in a pillow and let out a scream that put the prior ones to shame.

Four hours later, more than twelve hours into the labor, she was in pain and exhausted, ready to admit that she had been wrong. She could not do this without drugs. Beck helped end those thoughts and rejuvenate her fighting spirit.

"You know, at the hospital, they have drugs that make this less painful," Beck informed her, appearing with a bowl of ice cream she had asked for and now no longer wanted.

Jade glared at him. "Do you read anything I give you? Did you read the articles about the drugs?"

"No," Beck answered. "I figured you read enough for the both of us. And probably too much at that."

"If you mention your deluded idea that we should be in a hospital one more time, I am going to shove that spoon so far up your ass—"

Her tirade was interrupted as Ella appeared behind her son. "Why don't you go take a break," she suggested, looking at Beck. He didn't need to be told twice. Ella entered the room and sat on the bed next to Jade, rubbing her back gently.

"You're doing just fine," Ella told her. "Beck is just worried – that's why he keeps bringing up the hospital."

"I know," Jade answered. "I'm a little scared myself."

"At this point in time, my dear, I am certain that there is nothing you can't do."

Two hours later, Lilly said it was time to push. Jade did. Again and again. Every time she was told. She was in so much pain – and then there was a scream that didn't belong to her. A cry, really. Lilly placed a bundle hastily wrapped in a pink blanket on her chest. Suddenly, the pain was a mere memory. In its place, Violet Ella West Oliver was a reality.

Jade held the baby against her chest, tears streaming to her bright blue eyes. Beck sat behind her, his expression stunned and unbelieving. His voice shook as he spoke. "She's perfect," he said, unsure how he was breathing.

"You expected less?" Jade asked, her voice soft as she gazed at the newborn in her arms. She paid little attention to the afterbirth or anything that Lilly was doing. After she was cleaned up and the baby had been bathed, Beck descended into the living room to find their family and introduce them to the newest member.

Cat was sleeping, curled into Tori's lap while the brunette stroked her hair with one hand and held a book with the other. Andre was sleeping on another sofa, snoring lightly. Ella was watching the television and knitting while Bryan built a puzzle on the coffee table.

All those awake looked up as soon as Beck appeared, their expressions questioning and hopeful. "She's perfect," he said, tears springing to his eyes. He wanted to be angry with himself for crying, but he was overwhelmed. His parents hugged him, congratulating him. Tori shook Cat awake and they did the same.

"Tori and Cat, why don't you come up first?" He looked apologetically at his parents. "Jade promised them."

"We can wait our turn," his mother said happily. Tori and Cat were already up the stairs. When they entered the master bedroom, Jade had fallen asleep, sitting up. She woke as soon as she felt their presence, a small smile gracing her tired expression.

Tori sat on the bed next to Jade and looked at the baby. "Beck's right, she's perfect."

"You people shouldn't be so surprised by her perfection," Jade said weakly. "She was bound to be."

"That's true," Tori said with an amused smile. "Congratulations."

"What's her name?" Cat asked, bouncing onto the other side of the bed. Jade winced and Tori quickly put a hand on Cat's knee, telling her to stop moving.

"Violet," Jade told them.

"It's beautiful," Tori cooed, still staring at the baby.

"It's a color, like your name," Cat said excitedly.

"Nothing gets past you," Jade told her wryly. They only stayed for a few minutes. Tori could see Jade's exhaustion. Ella, Bryan, and Andre all took their turns and met Violet. They might not all agree on everything; but they all agreed that Violet was perfect. And the new center of their universe.

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Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed the prologue. The first chapter of the story picks up four years in the future, Violet engrained solidly in their lives. Please, review and let me know what your thoughts. What did you like? Any thoughts or questions? What do you think of the name?


	2. Healing Takes Courage

Thank you to the following wonderful readers for taking the time to review: Blue Penguin Lightning, JessyRae, Invader Johnny, Auden Grey, Azkadellio, BrownieStick, StrangelyBeautiful3, Sea-Green93, Caralynne, TheScarletOctopus, jazzy2297, Magykpaw, hanahanimon, Coeur de la nuit, Jiska5, and Panda Hallows. You make sharing these stories a very gratifying experience - and you are extremely appreciated.

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Chapter 1 – Healing Takes Courage

Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if you have to dig a little.

~Tori Amos

"You look pretty," Violet said, bouncing in her seat as Tori descended the kitchen stairs. She was sitting at the kitchen table, carefully coloring a cheerful scene containing unicorns. The coloring book, along with the box of 120 crayons (including the red velvet color), was a recent gift from Cat. Violet had been livid when the redhead announced she was going away for two weeks; the gifts had been an attempt to keep the peace. It had worked; Violet had promised to make many pictures for Cat while she was gone. Jade wouldn't have allowed anyone else to ply her daughter with gifts – but Cat got away with more than most.

"Thank you," Tori responded, shooting her a happy smile. Tori was wearing what could only be described as a little black dress. It hit just above her knee and swung in perfect waves against her silk-stocking covered legs. She was wearing heels and carried a sweater and small clutch in her left hand. Her right hand was gripping the bannister, giving her extra stability.

"Are you sure you should wear those shoes?" Jade asked, barely looking up from the dinner she was preparing. Tori, never having been known for her grace, had not regained all of her balance during her recovery. She wore heels on a rare basis and when she did, Beck inevitably ended up carrying her to the car at the end of the evening. The tabloids loved it.

"Yes," Tori answered stubbornly, teetering just a bit as she let go of the bannister and moved to sit next to Violet at the kitchen table. "That's a pretty page you're making, Vi," Tori said kindly.

"It's for Daddy," Violet answered. She didn't comment on the complement; she rarely did. The subject changed immediately; this four-year-old had some digging to do. "Where are you going?"

"To dinner and a musical," Tori answered.

"Is Mommy going?" She asked, dropping her crayon and looking over at Jade in alarm. Miss Violet West Oliver was not one for babysitters. She spent her life with the people she loved and that was fine with her. Strangers need not apply. And she knew her Grandparents were on vacation, so they were not going to be watching her.

"Not this time," Tori said with a smile. Tori didn't usually go out without Jade and Beck, but Violet shrugged her tiny shoulders; it was fine with her as long as there were no plans for a babysitter.

"What time do you think you'll be home?" Jade asked.

"I have a key," Tori reminded her.

Jade shot her a look that said, "Seriously?" Tori sighed; she might as well be a teenager again. On second thought, it was worse. Her parents had never possessed Jade's incessant need to know where she was at all times. Apparently five and a half years was not long enough to fade the fears that had been awakened by Tori's abduction. "The show is at 8 – it should be over by 11 – I plan to be home by 12. I'll text if it's going to be later."

"Thank you," Jade said.

"Thank you," Violet mimicked, causing Tori to smile; she was a beautiful little replica of her mother – and far less demanding. Tori was meeting her date, a man she had met at the library, at an Italian restaurant close to the theater. Jade watched as she picked up her keys and walked out the kitchen door and toward the garage.

"Have fun," Jade called, just as she was walking through the door.

"Thanks," Tori answered, her expression unreadable. Jade looked at her watch; it was five thirty. Beck walked into the house twenty minutes later and Violet greeted him by running into his arms. He laughed happily and picked her up, whirling her around the room.

"Go wash your hands for dinner," Beck told her, setting her back down. Violet disappeared to do so and he walked over to Jade, a somber look replacing the joyful smile he'd given to his daughter. "How long ago did Tori leave the house?"

"Twenty minutes," Jade answered. She set the salad bowl on the kitchen table. "Is she still in the driveway?" Beck nodded, his hand reaching over to rub her shoulder reassuringly. Jade sighed and pointed to the oven. "Take that out when the timer beeps." She walked out into the driveway, her sandals slapping against the sun-headed pavement. Tori's car, a Mercedes with less than a thousand miles on it, was pulled toward the end of the drive, in the exact spot she stopped every time. This was the fourth time she'd tried to leave the house on her own – and the fourth time she had failed miserably. To her initial relief, Jade realized that she wasn't crying. Instead, in a just-as-frightening move, she was staring straight ahead, her expression frozen and blank.

Jade slid into the passenger seat of the stopped car. She turned off the ignition and removed the keys, placing them in her pocket. "Tori," she said softly. The other girl ignored her. "Did you call Kevin to cancel?" Her head shook slightly. Jade picked up her phone from the center console and chose Kevin's number. She quickly explained that Tori wasn't feeling well and hung up, placing the PearPhone into Tori's small clutch.

They sat in silence for over ten minutes before Jade spoke again. "Come inside," she said softly. Tori shook her head.

"I can't," she whispered.

"Yes you can," Jade responded. She exited the car and walked to the driver's side, opening the door, unsnapping the seat belt, and pulling Tori out of her seat in one quick, continuous move. She tried to move toward the kitchen door, her arms firmly wrapped around Tori, but the other girl refused to budge. Jade sighed and turned to face her. "It's hot," Jade told her calmly. "You are not staying out here. So would you please tell me what you plan to do?"

"I can't go in there," she said tremulously, "I don't want them to know."

"Beck already saw you," Jade told her curtly. Her voice softened as she put herself back in check. "And Violet doesn't understand. She'll be happy to see you home – she'll have no concept that you were supposed to be elsewhere."

"She'll understand someday," Tori responded, her eyes focused on a fixed point on one of the pavers that made up the drive. Jade sighed and started walking around the house with Tori. They entered through the front door and Tori stepped out of her heels before ascending the stairs.

"Dinner is ready," Jade told her. The other woman continued up the stairs, ignoring the information. Jade sighed heavily and walked back to the kitchen where Beck was serving the lasagna. She ate the meal in relative silence, listening as her husband and daughter carried on a lively conversation. Beck was doing voice work for an animated film for Pixar and had taken Violet into the studio several times, so he was telling her about the scenes they'd recorded that day.

After dinner, Beck offered Violet a trip to the ice cream parlor and she jumped at the chance. Jade smiled as the tiny girl hurried up the stairs to grab her jacket. Beck walked behind Jade's chair and put his hands on her shoulders. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," Jade answered. "This is getting ridiculous. She's pushing herself too hard; trying to do too much too fast – and I'm just worried it's going to ruin the progress she's already made. It's like we're living in a state of suspended animation, waiting for something to happen. And it's exhausting." He rubbed her shoulders, kneading the knots that had taken up permanent residence.

"We've gotten this far," Beck told her. He leaned down to drop a kiss on top of her brown curls. "It will work out."

"Are you coming, Mama?" Violet asked, pouncing down the stairs and back into the kitchen.

"Not this time," Jade told her with a smile. "But have fun with your dad." She kissed Violet goodbye and followed the two of them to the kitchen door, locking it behind them. She heated up a piece of the lasagna, made up a tray with salad and a roll, and carried it up the stairs.

Despite Tori's offer when Violet was still an unknown fetus, Jade had not allowed her to move to the third floor. Tori had stayed in the room next to the master suite and the nursery had been set up in the room across the hall. Jade knocked on the door. After failing to receive a response, she balanced the tray on her hip and opened it herself. Tori was curled on the bed, watching television in the dark. Jade looked at the screen; she hoped she wasn't actually watching it – it was an infomercial. She set the food on the desk in the corner of the room and turned off the television. Tori didn't even flinch.

"I didn't say you could come in."

"I own the house," Jade countered. "You pay rent and you can tell me to stay out."

"Will you let me pay rent?"

"No."

"You're a difficult person to love, Jade."

"Right back at you, Tori. When is this pity party over?" She looked at her watch and back at Tori. "Should I come back?"

"Leave me alone."

Jade's blue eyes squinted at her friend. "After eleven years of acquaintance, do you really think that's going to happen?" Tori sighed and rolled over, putting her back to Jade. The other woman scowled. "You don't have to talk to me – but you do have to eat."

"I'm not hungry," Tori grumbled.

"Have I ever cared?" Tori knew it was a losing battle when it came to food; Jade refused to allow her to starve herself, no matter how warranted Tori felt it was at the time. She sat up against the pillows and allowed Jade to put the tray before her. Picking at the food, she was mute as Jade sat on the bed and used the remote to turn the TV back on and surf for something she deemed watchable. _The House on Haunted Hill_ – the original one where the production was laughably old fashioned – was what she eventually settled on.

After a decent amount of the meal was gone, Tori picked up the tray and put it on the nightstand, curling back under the covers.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself," Jade told her sternly, moving to the edge of the bed so she could make eye contact. Tori ignored her; she'd heard the words before. "If you need more time, you need to tell him that. Stop trying to push yourself into something you can't handle."

"I can't stop trying," Tori said, sitting up quickly, her eyes darting angrily to Jade. "I'm motionless inside my own life – if I stop trying, I feel like I'm going to freeze to death."

"I am not telling you to stop trying," Jade said calmly. "But you can't force yourself to feel something just because your brain thinks it's time. You've made wonderful progress. No matter what you seem to think in that dramatic mind of yours, you have moved forward. But pushing yourself into a relationship that you're not ready for is not going to help you keep moving forward. It could hurt the strides you've already made."

"I don't want to talk about this."

"You never do," Jade answered. Tori sat up suddenly, facing her.

"What are you going to do about Cat? She and Robbie are getting serious."

Jade's blue eye flared in anger. "What in the hell does that have to do with the conversation we're having?"

"You want me to talk about my lack of relationships and my unrealistic expectations – I want you to talk about Cat."

"Then I guess we both lose," Jade told her. "Because I am not having this conversation with you. Cat and Robbie are not getting serious. Robbie is getting serious. Cat is playing the same game she always plays." Despite her words, Jade was concerned. Cat had gone on a cruise with Robbie. They'd been gone for almost two weeks. Although Jade had talked to her daily, she felt a disconnected. Something was different. Jade knew it – Tori knew it. Beck probably knew it too – but he understood his wife well enough not to mention it.

Jade stayed with Tori through the end of the movie and then stood to leave. "Stop torturing yourself for not being ready to move on," Jade told her. "There's nothing wrong with taking your time."

"Good night," Tori said, not commenting on the advice.

"Good night," Jade answered, biting back a sigh. Picking up the dinner tray, she quietly exited the room. Setting the tray down in the hallway, she walked into Violet's room. The preschooler was in the tub and Beck was attempting to give her a bath without getting himself drenched in the process. Jade stood in the doorway, watching his gallant attempts. It never worked; Violet had a mischievous streak and she loved torturing whoever was unlucky enough to be giving her a bath. Despite loving her role as mother, Jade avoided bath time; Beck and Tori were usually the ones made to suffer through it. Jade dealt with vomit and midnight feedings and incessant questions and temper tantrums; but she really didn't like to be wet while clothed.

"Mama!" Violet said, bouncing happily at the sight of Jade. Her movements sent little waves of water over the edge of the tub and onto the floor, soaking the knees of Beck's jeans. He groaned but continued to shampoo his daughter's long brown hair.

"Violet, behave and be still," Jade told her. "You're getting your dad all wet." Violet stopped moving and allowed her father to finish his job. Within five minutes, she was out of the bath and wrapped in a soft purple towel.

Beck shook his head, turning to look at his wife as Violet ran past her and into the bathroom. "You couldn't have come in here to tell her that ten minutes ago?"

Jade shrugged. "If you didn't spoil her all the time, she might listen to you too," she told him with an amused smile.

"But that's why dads have daughters – to spoil them rotten," Beck told her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She laughed, snuggling into his embrace.

"So you keep telling me." She stood on her toes to kiss him.

"No kissing in front of the kid," Violet told them, standing behind them in a pair of black and pink flowered pajamas. She said it in a tone that sounded almost identical to Jade. The words were ones Jade used to chastise Robbie and Cat or Andre and girl-of-the-week when they attempted PDAs.

"Really?" Jade asked, turning to look at her daughter with a mockingly-weary eye. Violet giggled and Jade pounced, pulling her up into the air and putting her on the bed, tickling her toes and tummy. "Are you sure I can't kiss your dad?" Before too long, Violet was giggling so hard she could barely speak. But somehow, between the giggles, she was able to get out a few words.

"Okay! You can kiss Daddy!" Jade stopped, a grin gracing her lips. She dropped a kiss on Violet's forehead and ruffled her hair before turning and winking at Beck.

"I'm allowed to kiss daddy. I'm glad this turned out well for us," she told him.

"Me too," Beck answered, running his hands through his hair. "I would have been awfully lonely if you hadn't been able to convince Miss Violet here." He crossed the room and put his arms around Jade, kissing the top of her head.

"You guys are silly!" Violet told them, bouncing lightly on her bed.

"I will admit, I think she's right," Beck said with a grin.

"She's always right; she's brilliant," Jade agreed softly, turning to kiss him lightly on the lips. "She's also four, and it's past her bed time." She turned back to face Violet, who was diving across the bed to the other side.

She stood across from Beck and Jade, the bed between them. "I'm not tired," she promised them, opening her eyes wide so they could see how _not tired_ she was. Beck laughed and Jade smiled.

"You are tired," Jade promised her. "We need to get that hair dry – and I think your dad has a new book up his sleeve." Violet cheered; she loved stories – and a new book was always exciting. Beck left the room to find a new one from the stash they kept in their closet and Jade located the blow dryer, brush, and spray-conditioner.

Taking the time to be careful and not pull on any knots that might be hiding, Jade started to dry her daughter's hair. When she finished, she tucked Violet under the covers and she and Beck sat on either side, taking turns reading _Little Miss Spider_.

That evening, once Violet was asleep and Jade had checked in on Tori one last time, she joined Beck in their bedroom and started her nightly ritual. "How's Tori?" Beck asked, while she was removing her makeup and putting on moisturizer. He was sitting in bed, reading through a script to decide if he wanted a part he was being offered.

"I'm too tired to get into a discussion," Jade told him, dropping into bed next to him. He fixed the covers so she was under them and pulled her closer.

"Then let's skip the discussion," he said, kissing her gently on the lips. "And I can just tell you it's going to be alright – it always is – you make it so."

"Don't be cheesy," she warned him. Her voice softened. "But thank you."

"Anytime," he answered, deepening his kiss and reaching behind him to turn out the bedside lamp. They slid under the covers and Jade relaxed in his presence, forgetting her worries for those brief, beautiful moments.

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Thanks for taking the time to read – please take a moment to review. What did you like? Anything you didn't like? Favorite moment? Least favorite moment? Questions? Comments?

Coming up in the Chapter 2 – Cat comes home, Tori faces her fears, and Violet has a new chapter to start.

Also - FYI - stories I am currently enjoying (if you haven't read them yet, check them out) - Auden Grey's_ Catastrophe and the Cure_ and Blue Penguin Lightning's _Rekindle_ (third in the amazing series, so make sure you start with the first one).


	3. The Silence Between

Thanks to all who have been reading and reviewing!

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Chapter 2– The Silence Between

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.

~Dave Tyson Gentry

Jade cleared her schedule for the day. Despite Tori's assurance that she was fine and she could go alone, Jade had every plan to accompany her to her semi-annual exam. Five solid years after she was found and rescued from torture and certain death at the hands of a madman, Tori's life was moving closer to normal. Her appointments had gone from three or four a day all the way down to a visit with her general practitioner every six months and three weekly sessions with her psychiatrist. Her medications had also decreased over the years. She was completely through with pain killers and muscle relaxers and antibiotics and pills to stabilize her blood pressure. She was left with only a few pills daily – a multivitamin, an iron supplement, two pills for depression and one for anxiety. Considering the dozens of pills she'd taken daily when she had first been found, she felt five was a solid improvement.

She was surprised, considering Jade's insistence on going, when the other woman handed her keys. Tori accepted them and looked at her questioningly. "What? You have your license back. You can drive." Tori had tried to reclaim her license without Jade's knowledge – or approval. She still remembered the day, almost four years before, when she'd done it.

_Tori and Beck were first and foremost sneaking out of the house. Thinking Jade was in her bedroom napping, they were almost to the front door when they both heard a suspicious voice - "Where are you two going?"_

"_I'm getting my license back," Tori informed her, too startled to lie or evade the question. Jade's eyebrows raised in perfect unison. She was sitting at the piano in the living room, sheets of blank and half-filled music strew across the nearby available surfaces. Violet was in her bassinet, sleeping under the piano. It was an odd spot, but it was also the baby's clear favorite if she couldn't be in her mother's arms. _

_Beck hid a smile as he dangled the keys to show Jade that it was indeed their plan. "You didn't think this was something worth discussing?" Jade asked, her voice light and airy. In the months since the baby had been born, and even a bit before, she had become a master at emoting anger while still keeping a tone that was somewhat angelic and soothing. It upset Tori on occasion and freaked out Beck – but it kept the baby happy and giggling. _

"_I knew you'd say no," Tori answered with a smile. "So I didn't ask you. I had my license before."_

"_And you were a terrible driver," Jade responded evenly. _

"_That's your opinion," Tori responded. "I'm going."_

"_Alright," Jade answered, turning back to the piece of music she had been working on. Outside the house, Tori mumbled to Beck, _

"_Should I be worried?"_

"_No," he answered honestly. "You're not the one who's going to get kicked to the guestroom tonight." Beck did receive the cold shoulder from Jade, but only for a day or two, and not because he tried to help Tori get her license (which frightened Jade), but only because he had tried to leave her out of a decision. She told him – in no uncertain terms – that it was an unacceptable choice and he'd better never make it again. Complete and immediate agreement was in his best interest. _

Now, four years later, Tori still became nervous whenever Jade said anything about her driving. Not that she drove often. Occasionally she'd drive with Andre and Cat, or even with Violet. It wasn't a daily occurrence; only often enough that Jade trusted she could drive Violet safely from point A to point B. After Jade handed her the keys, Tori had little choice but to drive to the appointment, avoiding all attempts at conversation. They walked into the building, Tori signed in, and they sat next to one another in the waiting room. Jade was rearranging things on her PearPad calendar while Tori played a mindless game of grumpy gerbils on her phone.

When the nurse called her name, Jade looked at Tori. "Do you want me to stay here?" Tori looked at her strangely.

"Why would you insist on coming just to wait out here?"

"I was trying to be polite," Jade answered, standing with her. "I'll stay out here if you want me to – it's not my decision."

"Since when?" Tori asked, annoyed by Jade's new sense of limits.

"If you're not going to say no, I'm coming." Tori rolled her eyes as they both followed the nurse to an exam room. Twenty minutes later, the doctor had joined them and Jade sat in a waiting room chair, listening, while the doctor asked Tori her usual list of pertinent questions.

Physically, Tori was doing fine; many of her scars had faded. She could walk without a limp for hours. It was only when she was particularly tired that the limp came back. Her fine motors skills had returned to the levels she'd had before her disappearance. Her voice was better than it had been before; she'd continued vocal lessons and her range and abilities were more impressive than ever. Those questions – questions about how she felt, about her physical body, they were easy.

Then, Dr. Brown started asking about her life. Socially. Tori wanted to lie – she wanted to tell her that everything was dandy. She wanted to tell her that she could go to the grocery store on her own and talk to new people when they met. But that was a lie. And Jade knew she'd be tempted to lie; that was one of the reasons behind her insistence to attend the appointment.

So, Tori was forced into telling the truth. The anxiety was still there. Her panic attacks, which had once been under control, were becoming intense again and hitting almost daily. She couldn't go anywhere on her own. She froze when she tried. She could go places with just Violet – who didn't really count sometimes – because she knew it was kind of tragic to rely on a four year old to be her safety net. The truth spilled from her lips so quickly that she was left wanting for air. She fought tears, but they came anyway. Dr. Brown handed her a tissue and she accepted it, wiping angrily at the salty fluid coming without her permission.

"Tori," Dr. Brown said softly, "you're doing great. After what you've been through, it's going to take more time for everything to back to normal. The fact that you can be here without having a panic attack is proof in itself; that's not something you could do five years ago." She paused and Tori said nothing. "So do me a favor and stop being so hard on yourself – you're doing well. But it sounds like you need to talk to Dr. Greeley about changing your anxiety medications – that might make all the difference."

Jade looked less pleased than Tori figured she would; and she was not radiating the "I told you so," expression that Tori had expected. She simply nodded; it was what she had been telling Tori for weeks. The doctor continued. "So promise me two things – that you will give yourself a break – and that you'll talk to Dr. Greeley about your medication." Tori nodded her compliance.

"Okay, let's get this over with so you can get out of here for another six months." The exam that followed was quick and careful; Dr. Brown always was. Within twenty minutes, Tori was back in her jeans, boots, and ruffled red cardigan over a black camisole.

"Come on," Jade said, holding out her hand, "let's get out of here. How about lunch? Maybe some shopping? Ella still has Violet for a few more hours." Tori accepted her hand and followed her back to the car. Jade once again, surprisingly, got into the passenger seat. "Your pick on the restaurant," Jade told her once she got behind the wheel.

They went to a family-owned Italian restaurant. It was a place the Vega family had frequented back when her parents still wanted to spend time with her and Trina. Before Trina had become unbearable and Tori's life had gotten busy.

"Violet is starting preschool next week," Tori said, spearing a tomato with her fork.

"I don't want to talk about it," Jade told her calmly, shaking her head. "It's too soon. She's supposed to be a baby forever – and she's growing up – way too fast."

"I think you have a few years left before she's all grown up," Tori told her with a smile. "So she's starting at St. Ann's? I'm still surprised you guys didn't put her into HA primary."

"We might later," Jade said between bites of her own salad. "It just depends on what she wants. Right now, we want her to have options." Tori and Jade finished lunch with continued conversations about Violet and even branched into talking about Andre. He was on his first tour in the United States. His music had become incredibly popular in Europe, but it was now starting to catch on in the US. He and Tori Skyped or used FaceTime every other day, sometimes more often. Without always being a part of the conversation, Jade knew what cities he was hitting because he never failed to send a beautiful toy or tchotchke for Violet.

After lunch, they spent some time shopping but neither woman was particularly interested or in need of anything. They still had over two hours before Violet needed to be picked up. They walked silently to the car and Tori handed the keys over to Jade before rounding to the passenger side. "Do you want me to call and find out if Greeley has an appointment open right now?" Jade asked, knowing what was on Tori's mind – the same thoughts that had been preoccupying her for weeks.

"I have an appointment tomorrow."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Yes," Tori agreed. "She probably won't – but you can try." So Jade did try – and Isabelle Greeley did have an opening. Whether she'd had the opening before Jade called, only she knew. But once she received the call, she had time to take Tori. Jade drove back to the hospital, which housed both Dr. Brown and Dr. Greeley. Jade sat in the waiting room while Tori walked into the familiar office, weeks' worth of frustration and worries at the tip of her tongue. Although she had appointments three times a week, she had been avoiding this particular conversation out of fear, stubbornness, and pure annoyance at her own brain – as far as she was concerned, it was betraying her.

Not in the mood to do anything useful, Jade stretched across one of the sofas in the waiting room, staring at the ceiling. The offices were intended to impress the wealthy clients who frequented them, but the ceilings were the same institutional drop ceilings that every hospital in the world probably used. She was contemplating counting the holes in the tile above her head when someone knocked lightly on the open door. Looking up quickly, she groaned and dropped her head back to the sofa.

"I swear, you stalk me."

"Isabelle said you were coming and I have something for Violet," the familiar voice said. "She is still starting school next week, right?" Jade sat up quickly and grimaced at Emily Nealson.

"If you're here to get a reaction out of me, you're not going to get one," Jade told her in a cold voice that intended to insinuate – strongly – that she had no emotional response to the fact that Violet was starting school.

"I come bearing gifts, not psychoanalysis," Emily promised. She opened her eyes wide and made a face at Jade. "I get the message. You've been cancelling on me for two months. But your daughter is adorable and extremely deserving of gifts." She handed a small multicolored polka-dotted gift bag to Jade.

"You're adding to the spoiling. She's spoiled."

"There's actually no evidence that spoiling is developmentally harmful unless it comes directly from the primary caregivers," Emily told her with a smirk.

Jade shook her head and answered in a dry tone, "well, then, she's screwed because she's got Beck wrapped around her little finger."

"I think she'll be just fine," Emily answered. She turned around and headed for the door. "And if her mother needs me, she has my number." The tiny but maddeningly intuitive woman was out the door before Jade could hurl an appropriate response. It was probably best that way. She wasn't cutting off ties to therapy – her brain just wasn't ready to cross some bridges. And those were the same bridges that Emily, after years of listening and coaxing out shadows, wanted to cross.

An hour and twenty minutes after they arrived, Tori exited her therapist's office. "Any better?" Jade asked. Tori nodded and headed for the door.

"We need to stop at the pharmacy," Tori told her after they'd gotten back into the car.

"Are you trying something new, then?" Tori nodded again. "Did you ask any questions – are there side effects – "

"Jade," Tori said firmly. "I'm going to try. If it doesn't work, I'll try something else."

"Alright then." They stopped at the pharmacy before picking up Violet from her grandmother's house. Ella had helped her bake and decorate a batch of red velvet cupcakes to welcome Cat home. The mother and grandmother and all-around wise woman laughed when Jade made a face at the cupcake box.

"You will be happy to know that I used as little sugar as possible while still making them taste like cupcakes."

"Thank you," Jade responded, taking the box. Violet had already run over to the car to greet Tori.

"Anytime, my dear," Ella answered, embracing Jade and kissing her on the cheek. "Take care of yourself – and my beautiful granddaughter."

"I always do," Jade answered. Well, she always took care of Violet. She placed the cupcakes carefully on the floor behind Tori's seat and buckled Violet into her booster seat. The three ladies then headed home to prepare for Cat's return.

Cat was scheduled to get in by dinner, so Tori helped Violet set the table with Cat's favorite dishes – they were covered in a multitude of colorful flowers. It was the Kate Spade floral fine china. Jade hated the dishes – they were not elegant enough for her table. But Cat had loved them, so Jade had purchased them – and now they used them whenever they were celebrating something related to Cat. That particular day, it was her homecoming.

Violet was placing a yellow linen napkin at each place while Tori followed with the glasses and utensils. "You know," Tori said to Jade, as the other woman walked in from the kitchen with a vase of flowers, "most people, when they get home from a long trip, they just want to order a pizza and go to bed." Jade frowned at her and picked up a piece of silver.

"Most people, when they set the table, they put the fork on the left." She handed the piece of silver to Tori and walked from the room.

"Your daughter did that," Tori called after her. Violet looked her from across the table, her expression confused; she wasn't in charge of the forks. Tori shook her head and put her finger to her lips; Violet giggled. They all forgot their tasks when they heard the door open. Violet made it to her first and leaped into her arms, giggling as Cat spun her around the room.

"Aunt Kitty! You're home!" Cat hugged her close and kissed her nose before putting her back on her feet.

"Hi Violet," she said cheerfully. "You look so pretty. I love that dress." Violet spun around, the three tiers of her purple dress flowing around her black stockings and boots. She had a purple flower in her hair. Once she was allowed to choose her own clothing, Jade was appalled to realize that Cat living in her house had given her daughter an alternate fashion icon. Jade was rarely amused by Violet's clothing choices. Jade wanted her to feel the spark of rebelliousness; Violet just wanted to look girly. The frillier, the better. "I missed you!" Cat told her with another kiss to the cheek.

"I missed you too! I made you lots of pictures!" Violet was bouncing on the balls of her feet, thrilled at the prospect of sharing her two-week project.

"Yay!" Cat said, excitedly.

"Go get them so you can give them to Cat," Jade told her. Violet started off toward the stairs. "Do not run!" Jade yelled after her. She slowed down.

Tori stepped in next and hugged Cat. "Welcome home," she said as they embraced. She pulled away, holding Cat at arm's length so she could look at her; she certainly had a tan. "Did you have fun?"

"We did!" Cat said excitedly. "We swam with dolphins and there was a festival in Germany and I bought new pink shoes –"

"Why don't we sit down and you can tell us everything you did," Jade told her.

"Okay," Cat agreed. "I missed you too, Jade," the redhead said, walking over to embrace her oldest friend. There was something sad, soft, and strange about her words. Jade thought she was imagining it – over-thinking it.

"I missed you," Jade told her, almost inaudibly. "Now, go wash your hands so we can eat."

"You're still so bossy," Cat told her, before disappearing to do as she was told. Tori returned to the dining room to finish setting the table and Jade went back into the kitchen where Violet reappeared with a folder she'd filled with artwork to give to Cat – at least one piece of art per day she'd been gone. Beck came in through the kitchen, carrying several pieces of pink luggage.

"Robbie went straight home – apparently he picked up some kind of food poisoning on the ship," Beck told Jade. He kissed her lightly. "I'm going to take these upstairs and I'll be down for dinner. Smells great."

Once they were all gathered at the table and Violet had given her artwork to Cat and it had gained the praise the tiny brunette felt it deserved, they began to eat. Cat told them about the entire trip, including a bit too much information on Robbie's bout of food poisoning – which had apparently lasted several days. She spoke mostly to Tori and Violet, with several comments directed at Beck. She gave her best friend a wide berth in the conversation; and her best friend noticed.

That night, after checking on Tori and making sure Violet was asleep, Jade walked up to the third floor and knocked on Cat's sitting room door. "Come in!" Entering, Jade found that all of Cat's suitcases were open and things were thrown randomly across the room.

"What happened?" Jade asked her. The petite redhead was sitting on her bed, which was visible through the open door to the sitting room. Her computer was in front of her and she's just logged off of a video chat.

"I couldn't find Mr. Purple," Cat told her, closing the lid to her laptop. Jade failed to give her the lecture that was tumbling around her brain. She stepped around the strewn clothing and opened suitcases to enter the bedroom and sit on the edge of the mattress, facing her best friend.

"Who were you chatting with?"

"Robbie," Cat said quietly.

"Is he feeling any better?"

"Do you care?" Cat asked, causing Jade's eyes to widen, her eyebrow cocked in surprise. She spoke slowly and softly, trying to keep the immediate anger that had sprung to mind at bay.

"Why exactly are you mad at me?"

"I'm not," Cat said, a pout on her lips.

"Then what is the problem?" Cat was silent, her pout growing as she pulled Mr. Purple into her lap and curled slightly around the stuffed toy. Jade waited a solid two minutes. She knew because she was counting. It was unlike her long-time best friend to be quiet about anything – especially something that was bothering her. "Cat," Jade said sternly, her tone a clear warning.

Cat threw herself against the bed, Mr. Purple clutched tightly in one arm. Her face was hidden against the pink flowered comforter. "Cat, sit up and talk to me," Jade said firmly.

"No," Cat answered, her voice muffled against the bedding.

Jade had known Cat for twenty-two years and never before – never – had she seen her so closed off and stubborn. Even when she was angry at Tori for kissing Daniel, she still hadn't been this serious or stonewalled. Jade remained in her spot, thinking through her options. She really didn't have it in her to torture information out of Cat – she'd surpassed that phase of her life and found that the longer she spent as a mother, the less violent her desires tended to be. Besides, Cat would crack in her own time.

Jade crawled onto the bed and knelt next to Cat. "When you want to talk, come find me. Good night – I am glad you're home." Cat didn't respond but Jade heard a sniffle as she left the room and stepped over pink suitcases to get to the hallway.

Beck was waiting for her in their room, clearly in a romantic mood. She was not. But she did accept the glass of wine he handed her, took a deep drink, and thanked him for it with a kiss. "Want to talk about it?" He asked, wrapping his arms around her and whispering the words quietly into her ear. She shook her head, nestling against him.

"Just hold me."

"I can manage that," he said, setting her wine aside and instead scooping her into his arms, carrying her to their bed. She snuggled against his chest and fell asleep that way, clothes, jewelry, and all.

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Thanks for reading! Please leave a review! What do you think is wrong with Cat? Favorite parts of the chapter? Least favorite parts?


	4. By What We Give

Thank you to Jeremy Shane, Metatron85, Caralynne, Coeur de la nuit, sincerely-sweet, Red Velvet is love, Blue Penguin Lightning, Lazy Penman, l0vetakesnoprisoners, BrownieStick, StrangelyBeautiful3, Serina Tsuki, JessyRae, Invader Johnny, Jiska5, and Auden Grey for taking the time to review the last chapter. You are appreciated :-)

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Chapter 3 – By What We Give

_We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give._

~Winston Churchill

Four days after Cat returned home, it was Violet's first day of school. Beck had taken the day off from filming - despite the director's annoyance at the prospect. Jade hadn't planned anything for the entire week - she was a bundle of raw nerves. Violet was perfectly happy. She sat at the breakfast table with her parents and Tori, eating her chocolate chip pancakes and chattering about school.

Cat woke just before it was time for Violet to leave and gave her a hug and a kiss. Tori did the same, telling her to have a wonderful day. Jade and Beck loaded her into the car and drove to St. Ann's, a private school known for its focus on academics for the gifted. The prior spring, when she'd done all of the testing required before entering St. Ann's, she had scored in the top 1 percentile – on _everything_. Beck was as proud as a peacock. Jade was not surprised. She withheld praise and pride for the testing; it wasn't what you were born with that counted – it was what you did with it. And she was determined Violet wouldn't simply skate by because she could.

They had already met the teacher, who had been acceptably unimpressed by Jade and Beck's Hollywood status. They stood in the hallway with the other parents and waved to Violet as she disappeared into one of the preschool classrooms. Jade stared in horror at the doorway. Who had decided this? Who had decided that women were supposed to have babies and then just give them up to be educated by someone else a few years later? And at such a young age? She was seething internally when Beck put an arm around her shoulders and leaned close to whisper in her ear.

"Babe, you are going to hate yourself later if you make a scene. It's very cliché. Let's go home – Violet will be fine." Jade allowed Beck to lead her out of the building and back to his Subaru Outback. Jade puttered around the house for three hours, flitting from one task to another, unable to focus on anything until it was time to go and pick up Violet. She ran from the room and into Jade's arms, excitedly chattering about what she'd done that day and the friends she'd made.

Beck swung her into his arms and they walked out to his car, where Tori and Cat were waiting. "Aunt Kitty! Aunt Tori!" Violet said excitedly when she saw them. "What are you doing here? This is my school."

"We know," Tori told her with matching enthusiasm. "We thought we could celebrate your first day by going to your favorite place for lunch." Violet bounced in excitement and crawled across Tori to hop into her booster seat. They had a wonderful lunch. Violet spent most of it detailing her first day of school down to each sentence read, each picture colored, and even what the other kids ate for their snacks.

Jade asked her about what they were actually doing in school – the academic things. Violet shrugged and told her that it was easy. They were learning their alphabet – Violet knew the alphabet in three languages. Tori had taught her the Spanish and Jade the German. They were learning to add – Violet understood fractions. But she clearly enjoyed the experience and the possibility of so many friends. That afternoon, taking advantage of Beck and Jade's time off, they went to the zoo and – after pleading from both Violet and Cat – to the ice cream parlor.

Later that week, Andre took Tori to breakfast, leaving Jade and Cat alone together for the first time since the redhead had returned to California. Cat had not been herself since her outburst at Jade on the night of her return. She was calmer - sadder almost. Something was wrong. Jade was mulling over her thoughts at the piano when Cat appeared and sat next to her. Jade stopped playing and looked at her best friend.

"I want to marry Robbie," Cat said simply. Jade pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.

"Is this your idea, or Robbie's?" Jade asked, turning her full attention to Cat. The redhead laughed nervously.

"Both of us."

"Cat," Jade said warningly.

"It was Robbie's idea," Cat admitted quickly, "but I love him and I think it's a good idea too."

"Cat," Jade said, treading carefully with her words. "You love a lot of things. And then you get bored with them and love something new." Cat looked at her with a confused expression. Her bottom lip was beginning to tremble.

"Don't do that," Jade told her. "Let me think about it and talk to Robbie."

"You can't talk to Robbie," Cat cried.

"Why not?" Jade snapped, her frustration evident.

"Because you scare Robbie and if you tell him not to marry me, he won't marry me." That was exactly what Jade had been counting on. The brunette closed the piano's fall and walked over to one of the living room sofas, curling into a corner. Cat sat next to her, looking positively pouty.

Jade looked at her, blue eyes sharp and serious. "You know that if you marry Robbie, he's going to want to play pirates pretty much all the time."

"Why?" Cat was bewildered; that was not what she expected Jade to say about marrying Robbie. Her cheeks flushed and she was looking away from Jade, who was having none of it. She captured Cat's gaze again before speaking.

"Because that's what boys like to do. Robbie is, surprisingly enough, no exception."

"I don't like the way he plays pirates," Cat said softly.

"I know. That's why you might want to think about this before you agree." Jade was silent for a moment, giving Cat time to process what she was being told. Something else struck her; something that she was certain had not occurred to Cat. "Marrying Robbie also means you won't live here anymore."

Cat's expression was one of sadness and shock. "Can't Robbie live here with me?" She asked, her voice soft and pleading.

"No," Jade said, her voice soft but firm. "That's not how it works."

"Beck moved in when you married him," Cat argued.

"That's not how it works, Cat," Jade repeated. She certainly wasn't going to attempt to explain that it was _her _house, so of course _her _husband would live there.

"Can we ask Beck?" Cat asked, her voice smaller as she continued. Jade shook her head. Tears burst to Cat's brown eyes and she let out a series of soft, sputtering sighs. Jade put an arm around her shoulders and rubbed her arm gently.

"I'm not trying to upset you – I just want you to know what you're getting into." Cat didn't know what to say – or even what to think. She cried for a long time. She was still crying when Tori arrived home, her purse and coat slung over her arm.

Tori's face fell, her expression gaining immediate concern as she saw Cat curled into Jade's lap, sobbing painfully. "What happened?" Jade shook her head; it wasn't something to discuss at that moment.

"Cat," Tori said, softly, sympathetically, as she sat on Cat's other side and rubbed her back gently. The tiny woman cried harder. Jade effortlessly lifted Cat from her lap and up into a seated position.

"Why don't you go upstairs with Tori? We can talk about this later." Cat allowed Tori to direct her up the stairs and to her bedroom. Jade wiped at her own eyes, not sure what she'd actually accomplished; terrified that she'd broken some hope that Cat had been holding onto. Gathering herself together, she looked at the clock and realized it was time to pick up Violet.

The afternoon went by quickly. Violet only questioned Cat's absence once and Tori told her Cat wasn't feeling well, so she let it drop. Tori eyed Jade when she said it and the other brunette knew she had explaining to do. And she did, later that night, while Beck was bathing Violet.

"I told her what Robbie was going to expect if she married him."

Tori nodded, her lips pursed together. "So," she said slowly, "you terrified Cat so she wouldn't get married and leave."

"I did not—" Tori looked at her expectantly and Jade changed her tune. "Fine. That's what I did. But really, do you blame me?"

"A little bit," Tori said, with a grimace and a nod. "Jade, she loves him – even if it's a really different kind of love than what you have for Beck. But she loves him as much as she can."

"Oh, shit," Jade said, sitting on the edge of Tori's bed, thinking through the things she'd said to Cat that day. "What have I done?"

"Nothing you can't fix," Tori told her, patting her back lightly.

"So you think Robbie can take care of her?"

"I did not say that," Tori responded severely, shaking her head.

"So helpful, Tori. So, so helpful," Jade muttered. After she left the less-than-useful conversation she'd had with Tori, Jade found Beck reading to Violet. She crept into the room and sat on Violet's other side, listening to the end of "Goodnight, My Sweet Violet." It was a book they read often. Beck finished the last page and leaned down to kiss their daughter and wish her a good night.

"Good night, my sweet girl," Jade said softly, kissing her cheek.

"Mama, sing a song," Violet asked, sleepily.

"You already had a book," Jade told her.

"Can I have a song too?"

"This once," Jade agreed. They both knew she'd do it again. She sang softly, so the sound stayed between her and Violet and Beck.

"_Hush-by, Don't you cry_

_Go to sleep a little baby_

_When you wake you shall have_

_All the pretty little horses_

_Blacks and bays, dapples and grays_

_Coach and six a little horses_

_When you wake you shall have_

_All the pretty little horses_

_Hush-by, Don't you cry_

_Go to sleep a little baby_

_When you wake you shall have_

_All the pretty little horses_

Violet was sleeping by the last verse. Beck leaned over her to kiss Jade gently and they both crept from the bed, not wanting to wake her. Inside their bedroom, Jade was changing into a warmer sweater and a pair of boots. The had had chilled considerably after sundown.

"Where are you going?" Beck asked, watching her curiously. She quickly told him about the discussion she'd had with Cat earlier that day. He listened quietly, his expression unreadable. "Robbie does love her," he said, after Jade was finished.

"So, you think Robbie can take care of her?" Jade demanded, her hands resting solidly on her hips.

"I did not say that," Beck said defensively.

"Not helpful, Beck." She shook her head. "I'm going to talk to Robbie."

"Don't kill him," Beck responded.

"No promises," Jade answered with a smirk.

Robbie knew it was coming. He'd known from the moment that he'd asked Cat to marry him that this conversation was inevitable. There was no way that Jade was going to accept Cat marrying him – not without a fight. From Robbie's point of view, Cat had spent entirely too much of her life being controlled by Jade.

Despite knowing that she would arrive on his doorstep, he still felt the urge to vomit when she pounded on his door just a few hours after Cat told her about the proposed engagement. He opened the door to fuming blue eyes. "Jade—"

"Inside," Jade snapped, pushing past him and into his living room. She stood in front of the sofa, testily waiting for him to close the door and join her. After he entered the room, she sat on the edge of an arm chair. "I am trying very hard not to scream at you," she told him evenly. He could see that she was indeed putting effort into her demeanor.

"Please explain to me how you are planning to take care of Cat."

"I love her—"

"That is not what I asked," Jade retorted. "I know you love her – I've known that for a long time. I asked how you are going to take _care_ of her."

"I have a good job—"

"Money is not the issue," Jade told him. "She has plenty of her own. But how are you planning to take care of her? Because there's really not much she does for herself – not cooking, not laundry; she is constantly losing track of things. She doesn't negotiate her own contracts or plan her own schedule."

"Maybe," Robbie said, aware that this next sentence could get him killed, "she doesn't do those things because you've never let her. If you treat her like a child, she's going to act like one." Jades eyes widened in surprise at his words and he was certain he was about to die. Instead of lashing out as he had expected, she stood and left without another word.

Thirty minutes later, while he was still pacing around his apartment, trying to decide how screwed he really was, his phone rang. It was Beck.

"Hey, Beck," he said cheerfully.

"What did you say to Jade?" Robbie was silent. Clearly, she hadn't simply left and forgotten about the conversation. Beck asked again. "What in the hell did you say to my wife?" His patience was wearing thin – which was a rare - and frightening - occurrence in Beck.

"I didn't mean to make her angry, I was just trying to –"

Beck interrupted him. "I don't care what you were trying to do. _What did you say_?" Robbie tremulously repeated his words from earlier and Beck swore.

"Man, you don't know what you're talking about. I've been living under the same roof as Cat for the majority of the last ten years – and trust me when I tell you that Jade is the least of her problems."

"She controls everything," Robbie said irritably.

"Yeah, she does," Beck agreed in a tone that rang stubbornness. "But you know what? There was a time when she didn't control everything in Cat's life – and do you remember what happened? She tried to kill herself, Rob. Did you forget about that?"

"It was ten years ago!"

"That doesn't make it less terrifying!" Beck yelled back. He paused; the argument was over. "Robbie, if you make my wife cry again - I'll make you cry." Without another word or giving Robbie a chance to answer, he hung up.

Jade was indeed crying. She was terrified that there was some merit to what Robbie was saying. She had spent a long time trying to get Cat to be self-sufficient, back when they were teenagers. But lately? She just took for granted that Cat was forever going to need her. But what if she didn't? What if she needed to be given more responsibility and more chances to prove that she could handle herself?

Her brain was too full of negative thoughts and terrible consequences – she was exhausted. She cried herself to sleep, listening to Beck offering her words he believed would be helpful. He promised her that she'd done nothing wrong – that Robbie had no idea what he was talking about. He told her that Robbie was just frustrated and jealous. Jade heard his words – but she didn't know what to believe anymore. Was she doing what was best for Cat, or what was most comfortable for herself?

The next morning, she woke with a pounding headache. Swallowing several ibuprofen, she jumped into the shower and began preparing for her day. Beck was making breakfast – probably in an attempt to help, but she could smell the scorching eggs from their bedroom. She knew that eventually he would give up and they would have cereal and fruit for the morning meal. But he tried – and she did appreciate that.

Violet was already awake when Jade entered her room. She was playing with two of the stuffed animals on her bed. "Good morning," Jade said to her, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

"Morning, Mommy ," she said cheerfully.

"Go wash your face and brush your teeth," Jade told her. The little girl scampered out of bed to do what she was told while Jade went into her closet in search of something her daughter would agree too. She finally settled on a teal dress embroidered with simple gray flowers paired with a gray sweater and silver ballet flats. Violet approved and changed quickly. She even had a gray flowered headband that matched. After allowing Jade to curl her hair lightly, she slipped the headband into her dark hair and hurried down the stairs to find her father.

Beck had indeed given up on breakfast, but Tori had taken over – and she was not nearly the same disaster in the kitchen. She had located the waffle iron and the batter that Jade kept in the refrigerator. Beck was relegated to setting the breakfast table. Tori was always awake for breakfast; she woke almost as early as Jade, if not sometimes earlier. It was Cat who, without a project or other obligation, could sleep until noon if she were allowed.

"Morning," Tori said cheerfully. She had dressed but must have still been in her bare feet – it was the only time she was shorter than Jade.

"Morning," Jade responded. "Do you want me to do that?"

"Nope," Tori answered. "I'm fine." Jade took the pitcher of orange juice from the refrigerator and began filling glasses.

"I don't have to be at the studio until nine," Beck told her. "So I can take Violet to school if you can pick her up." Jade nodded. Before long, Violet and Beck were gone and Jade was left to help Tori clean up the kitchen. They were in the middle of a conversation about Andre's newest girlfriend when Tori turned a sickly shade of green and rushed from the room.

Jade followed her to the first floor bathroom where she proceeded to lose her breakfast – and possibly something from the night before.

"When did this start?" Jade asked, dampening a washrag with cold water, wringing it out, and holding it to the back of Tori's neck. The other brunette didn't answer – she was too busy trying to convince her stomach that it was done rolling. It took her ten minutes before she could sit up and rinse her mouth. She sat back against the bathroom wall, her eyes closed against the nausea.

"How long have you been on the new medication?" Jade asked. She knew Tori had spent days stepping down from her old medication, but this was clearly the new one in action.

"Three days," Tori said tiredly. "I'm fine."

"Sure, you look fine," Jade answered dryly. She helped Tori back up to bed and told her to go to sleep. The other brunette listened; it seemed like a good idea to be unconscious while her stomach rebelled. Jade spent the rest of the morning in her office, working on one of her newest plays. She avoided the piano. Her label wanted a new album. She had one. She had over twenty tracks, any of which would fit nicely into her fifth album. But she wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to tour; they would insist. The last thing she was ready to do was to leave Violet and Beck while she traipsed across the country on a demanding tour schedule.

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Thanks so much for reading. Please take a moment and let me know what you thought. Favorite part? Least favorite part? Do you think Jade is doing the right thing for Cat?


	5. Sense to Recognize

I thought I'd take a few minutes from my massive cookie-baking weekend and update this next chapter. I hope that everyone who celebrates is having a wonderful holiday season. And those who don't celebrate – I hope you're having wonderful days all the same.

Thanks everyone for the lovely reviews. It's interesting how everyone is split on their thoughts on Jade's actions with Cat. I personally am conflicted… I know how it's going to end, but I'm still conflicted. I hope you enjoy this next chapter :

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Chapter 4 – Sense to Recognize

_I know I can't be with you /I do what I have to do.  
And I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go.  
~ Sarah McLachlan_

The few weeks after school had begun were difficult for all of the involved adults. Cat kept to her room mostly, occasionally allowing Tori or Jade to enter and attempt to cheer her. Jade tried to convince her to go to an appointment with her therapist but Cat refused. Jade accepted the refusal as long as Cat promised to keep taking care of herself. So, daily, Cat showered, dressed, took her medications, and ate. That was about all she was willing to do beyond moping. Tori spent a solid two weeks on her new medication throwing up anything that she attempted to eat. Jade delayed going back to work, stretching her one-week vacation into a three-week vacation, simply because Tori was in no shape to be watching Violet in the afternoons.

Although she knew she should be in the studio working on an album – or pretending to have writer's block - Jade did enjoy having those afternoons with Violet. She would pick her up from school and they would try to fit in something fun and interesting each day. They took trips to museums, went mini-golfing (though Jade wouldn't never admit it), and spent time at the local park. Violet seemed to enjoy the extra time with her mother, but Jade wasn't sure she enjoyed school. After the first week, she had little to say about anything. When Jade or Beck would ask her about school, she would say it was "fine." They didn't think they would receive such sullen answers until she was a teenager.

Violet was inquisitive and asked so many questions that occasionally it set Jade's teeth on edge. She loved her daughter, but she had no idea where the motor-mouth tendency came from; neither she nor Beck wasted words. But one question, posed during an afternoon outing to the botanical gardens, surprised her.

"Mommy?"

"What's up?" Jade asked absently, watching a butterfly launch into the air from a brilliant purple flower. Violet has missed it – she was concentrating on her question.

"Why do Aunt Tori and Aunt Kitty live with us?" Jade looked down at Violet, who was looking up her in earnest. She also looked a bit troubled. The young mother found the closest bench and pulled her daughter into her lap, facing her.

"Why do you ask?" Jade responded.

"Madison said you're only supposed to live with a mommy and a daddy. She said living with Aunt Tori and Aunt Kitty is illegal," Violet said, her tone serious.

"Who is Madison?" Jade asked, dryly.

"She's in my class."

"She's wrong," Jade promised Violet. "It is not illegal. Aunt Tori and Aunt Kitty have been living with me and Daddy since before you were born."

"But Why?"

Jade sighed. Someday, she supposed, Violet would understand the truth – the secrets and shadows of all of their pasts. Today was not that day. Jade looked directly at Violet, her bright blue eyes intent and mesmerizing. "Baby girl, families are made up of people who love each other. Do you love Aunt Tori and Aunt Kitty?" Violet nodded; of course she did. "They love you too," Jade told her simply. "They don't have their own families yet, so they are part of our family – do you understand?" Violet nodded, though she didn't really understand. But she could see her mother didn't want to talk about it anymore, so she wiggled out of Jade's lap and grabbed her hand, dragging her back into the maze of gardens.

Finally, after two weeks of being sick daily, Tori had three days in a row without being ill. On the third day, Jade found her standing in the front yard, staring out into the neighborhood. "What's going on?" Jade asked, walking up behind her friend. It was dusk – the sun was just beginning to set against a beautiful pink and orange sky.

"Nothing," Tori told her. "I was thinking of taking a walk."

"Okay," Jade agreed. "Do you want company?"

"Not this time," Tori answered. Jade nodded and walked back in the house. She was standing in the living room, watching Tori through a set of shear curtains, when Beck found her.

"What are you doing?"

"She's taking a walk," Jade answered.

"Tori?" He asked, "by herself?" His voice filled with amazement. Jade nodded. They watched as Tori started down the street to start the normal ½ mile oval she usually walked with Jade or Violet.

They were both nervously awaiting her return but they attempted to make it seem like_ no big deal_. Jade finished cooking dinner while Beck sat down to go over Violet's homework. Tori returned twenty five minutes after she'd left, just in time for dinner. Beck had physically carried Cat out of her room for the first time in days and after she'd been placed in the kitchen, Cat begrudgingly agreed to stay. She didn't say much, but her presence certainly made Violet happy.

For the next week, Tori continued on her daily excursions – each time staying out a bit longer. Despite the fact that Beck and Jade were both terrified and thrilled that she was finally going out on her own, they said nothing. Jade likened it to spooking a deer. On Saturday, Jade decided to run to the grocery store. She had a list in her hand as she passed Tori in the living room. "Do you need anything from the store?"

"I could go." Jade stopped in her tracks and turned around, her eyes fixed on Tori, who was curled into a corner of a sofa with her PearPad.

"Do you want to come?"

"I'd like to go," Tori answered. Her voice shook only a bit. "You can stay here – I'll go." She stood and took the list from Jade. She had her keys and purse and was out the door before Jade could argue. An hour later, she was back with the groceries. It was a trip that would have taken Jade twenty minutes, but even at an hour, she was impressed with Tori. Sure, there had likely been a period of sitting in the car before actually entering the store, but she'd done it - and that was progress. Tori said nothing about the fact that she'd gone out into public for the first time by herself in five years. She helped Jade unpack the groceries and went back to the book she'd been reading.

While Tori was making remarkable strides in a short amount of time, Cat was frozen in a state of sadness and confusion. "You can't continue to sit here and mope," Jade told Cat, after two weeks of that exact behavior. She walked around the room, throwing open the curtains. She turned off the bedroom television as she walked past, earning an angry squeak from her friend. She went into the closet and pulled out a pair of jeans and a sweater. She hung them in the bathroom and starting running a bath. "Out," Jade said, walking over to Cat and pulling back the bedcovers. Cat stayed in the same spot until Jade gave her a warning glare. "Cat. Get up." The redhead did get up and obediently got into the bathtub. While she washed, Jade stripped and remade the bed with new sheets, cleaned up the multitude of things that had built up on the bedside tables, and threw everything in the hallway to be washed by the maid.

She was sitting in Cat's desk chair when the other woman called from the bathroom. "These don't fit." Her voice indicated frustration.

"What do you mean, they don't fit?" Jade asked, annoyance washing through her. Cat was playing games. Although she herself, since having Violet, bounced between two different sizes more often than she wanted to admit, Cat had not gained an ounce since high school. It was rather infuriating at times. But she exited the bathroom and it was completely clear that her pants were not going to button - by a good two inches. Cat let out an annoyed sigh as she made one last attempt. Jade studied her silently and then took a dress with a high waist from the closet and handed it to her friend. Cat changed into it and reemerged from the bathroom. She raised a towel to her red locks, rubbing them vigorously between the layers of thick cotton to absorb the water.

"The audition for Red Riding Hood is coming up," Jade reminded her, her brain still focused on the clothing issue.

"So?" Cat asked, defiantly.

"A few weeks ago, you wanted that part," her friend reminded her.

"I wanted other things a few weeks ago too," Cat told her. "And I don't want those anymore."

"Cat," Jade said softly. "You need to talk to Robbie. Whatever you choose to do, he deserves to know."

"You don't want me to marry him," Cat told her accusingly. Jade's expression changed several times in a minute - she was deciding the best route. Honesty. She'd never directly lied to Cat - she wouldn't start now.

"No," I don't," Jade answered, sitting on the soft pink armchair and watching as her best friend sat at her vanity and absently brushed her wet locks. "I'm worried that it's not the best thing for you. But I love you - and I want you to be happy. And if being with Robbie is going to make you happy, then I will support you."

Cat wasn't sure if this was a win or not. She put her brush down and pulled her hair into a knot, getting the wet strands out of her way. Her teeth played with the edge of her lip as she thought.

"I can't live here with Robbie?" She asked, one more time. Just in case the answer had changed.

"No," Jade answered gently. "You can visit as often as you like - but you and Robbie cannot live here." Tears sprang to Cat's eyes and she bit her lip harder to keep them away. She was tired of crying; she had been doing it a lot since she'd returned from her vacation.

"I should call Robbie," she said softly. Jade nodded and handed Cat her PearPhone, which had been sitting on the previously littered nightstand.

A few hours later, Robbie showed up to take Cat to dinner. Because of the drama surrounding the engagement and Cat's stubborn decision to stay in bed for two weeks, it was the first time they'd been together since they'd returned from the cruise. She'd blown her hair dry and curled the ends and changed into a new dress. Jade and Tori were in the living room and exchanged glances as she walked past. Once she was gone, Tori stood and walked to the window, watching her get into Robbie's car. She turned back to Jade, who was sitting at the piano. "Did Cat just show off a ton more cleavage than normal?" Tori asked, her eyes wide.

"I think she did," Jade answered, her brain flooded with unwanted thoughts. The evening went by as normal – Tori, Beck, and Jade played a rousing game of scrabble junior with Violet. Jade received a text from Robbie three hours after Cat left. It simply read, "I hope you're happy." She showed it to Beck, who shook his head. "You did nothing wrong," Beck assured her.

"It doesn't feel like I did anything right either," Jade told him.

When Cat got home that night, she was teary eyed but she smiled and said goodnight. Jade hugged her and whispered, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Cat said softly. "But I don't want to talk about it anymore." Jade nodded and let her go. Tori excused herself and followed Cat up the stairs. While Jade spent the evening fretting over whether or not she'd done the right thing, Tori spent the time comforting Cat and trying to distract her. A Disney movie marathon was on the docket, completed with pajamas and popcorn.

Jade checked on Violet and wandered into her bedroom, where Beck was sitting in bed, reading something intently. "What's that?" She asked him. He looked up and handed it to her. It was a note from Violet's teacher, asking them to call to schedule a parent conference.

"She doesn't say why," Jade noticed. Beck shook his head; he'd noticed the same thing. Jade sat next to him on the bed and read the note through once more. "You schedule it for whenever you can – my schedule is more flexible. Tori's feeling better, so she can watch Violet if it's during the afternoon." Beck nodded and took back the piece of paper. He watched intently as his wife sank back against the pillows, her eyes drooping in exhaustion.

"You know, I think it's about time we take a vacation," Beck told her. "My filming wraps in two weeks – let's go somewhere. Tori can keep an eye on Cat – and my mom can check in. Let's get away – just the three of us."

As much as Jade knew she needed a vacation, she couldn't. Tori was just starting to make strides – she was doing things on her own for the first time in years. Cat was still distraught over the almost-engagement with Robbie. And if the note was any indication, there was something wrong with Violet at school. So, she told him they would go sometime – but not quite yet.

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Thanks so much for reading! Please review. Let me know what you think. So many of you have been incredibly kind and devoted readers – reading and reviewing most, if not every, chapter. Thank you, thank you, thank you - you make it fun and inspiring to share my writing :-) I know there are at least a few (if not more) out there who read without reviewing. Please take a moment and leave a review – let me know what you think.


	6. The Woods Would Be Silent

I don't usually do two chapters in two days - but it was either this or watch bad daytime television, so I chose to work on this. (I have a head cold. Bad news for the sick day I had to give up. Good news for the amount of work I was able to do on the story). Well, hopefully good news. Hopefully I caught all of my errors and typos. This next chapter was supposed to be so informative and answer so many questions – and then I had to cut it into three pieces because it was 45 pages long. So, chapter 5 won't answer the burning question about Cat – but hopefully you'll enjoy it anyway.

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Chapter 5 – The Woods Would Be Silent

"_Use what talent you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best."_

~Author unknown

Two days after the note had been sent home, Jade's boots clicked loudly against the tiled hallways of St. Anne's as she and Beck walked toward the preschool classrooms. "Try to sound less threatening," he said, joking- only slightly – about her shoes. She elbowed him but remained silent. They were both slightly nervous; it was an odd request that the teacher had sent home and they'd spent the 48 hours in between imagining the most awful reasons they could have been called.

Violet's teacher was waiting for them and invited them to sit across from her desk. "Thank you for coming, Mr. Oliver, Mrs. West."

"What's wrong?" Jade asked, immediately. She didn't like pleasantries and she wasn't going to partake in them. The teacher flushed.

"I'm concerned about Violet socially. The other children don't really know what to do with her."

"What do you mean?" Beck asked, before Jade could respond.

"Everyone at St. Ann's is on the fast track academically, but Violet is so advanced that she's having a difficult time fitting in. She doesn't speak like a child; she uses words and concepts that the other children don't understand. Her work is – exquisite. But she knows it's abnormal for her age and she's been dumbing things down since she made that connection."

She handed them a picture that she told them Violet had drawn in the first week of school. It was supposed to summarize a book they'd read. "It has perspective, shading and realistic colors." It didn't look odd to them – it was how Violet drew things at home. She showed them a drawing of another student and they understood just how different Violet truly was.

"Then, last week, we did a similar exercise with a different book." The teacher handed them a new drawing. It was terrible – stick figures and shaky lines with a lack of detail. "That is what Violet turned in."

"So, she's doing this on purpose?" Jade asked, holding the far inferior piece of work. The teacher nodded. "Why would she do that?" Her question was directed more at Beck than the teacher, but it was the other woman who answered.

"I think she's trying to fit in. She wants the other children to accept her – so she's not doing her best work – it's an attempt to meet them at their level. She claims to not know answers when I call on her."

"That's odd," Beck agreed. "You know who we are," he continued, somewhat apologetically. "We're not all that humble and shy about our talents. We've never taught Violet to be."

"She shouldn't have to be," Jade snapped.

"I agree," the woman answered. "I believe Violet would benefit greatly from moving up a few levels. I've spoken with the principal. Although we don't usually recommend such a drastic move, we both believe Violet would be better situated in the second grade."

"She's not even five yet," Jade told the woman, her voice desperate. She looked at Beck. "That's all day."

He nodded grimly. "Can we think about it?" Beck asked the teacher. "Maybe talk to Violet about it? Maybe she can be happy where she is – if she stops trying to hide her abilities."

"You are welcome to take as much time as you need," the teacher agreed. "Although I do think this move is in Violet's best interests, she is a kind and well behaved child and I am pleased to have her in my class for as long as you deem appropriate."

Jade smiled and Beck began laughing. "Kind and well behaved." He took Jade's hand and squeezed it. "She does not take after you in public. Thank God."

"Shut up, Beck," Jade spat, playfully elbowing him. She turned to the teacher. "I apologize. My husband has an odd sense of humor."

The teacher simply smiled. It was interesting, watching two people who were constantly in the media behave like normal – and fairly well-adjusted – adults. Suddenly she remembered something. "Oh, I also wanted to mention—"

Beck sobered and Jade turned to her. "Some of the other parents have called in, concerned, because they fear you may have a different type of arrangement going on at home. I have assured them there is nothing to worry about – but the way Violet talks about her Aunts with the same reverence she speaks about the two of you – has caused some – imaginative thinking.

"What type of arrangement do they think we have?" Jade asked.

The teacher blushed and Jade's eyebrows rose in surprise. "What is it that they think we have going on?"

"One parent in particular questioned if you had a polyg—"

"Stop," Jade ordered. Beck was beside her, reduced to a fit of laughter. She smiled but smacked his arm. "Beck, be serious. This is the last thing we need the tabloids to begin printing."

"It's so ridiculous," he said, gasping for breath between his laughter.

"Cat and Tori are friends we've had for a long time," Jade explained. "They both live in our house, end of story."

"I was never worried," the teacher assured her. "I just wanted you to know what some of the other parents have been muttering—"

"We don't usually get along with other parents," Beck told her, looking pointedly at Jade. "So we're not worried about what they say. However, if any of the kids are treating Violet differently because of it—"

"At this age, children don't grasp the concept of different types of families – it is not a concern."

"We will talk to Violet about dumbing down her work," Jade promised. "And think seriously about second grade." She stood to shake the woman's hand. Beck was still laughing.

"Life is really stressful right now," he told her. "Thank you for giving us something to laugh about. Really appreciate it." The woman didn't know what to say. Jade handed her a card with her cell phone number on the back.

"Call me if you have any problems." She looked at Beck. "I do apologize – despite his current inability to remain serious, he really is a good father."

"I have no doubt," the teacher answered, smiling. Jade hit Beck in the back of the head once they got into the car.

"She really thinks you're an idiot now. But at least she probably doesn't see you as a potential pariah with three wives." That did it. They both started laughing.

"Cat won't understand," Beck said as he began driving. "But Tori will enjoy this one." Jade shook her head and laughed again. People were idiots. Beck dropped her off at home and headed to the studio to film a few scenes before dinner.

Jade entered the front door and hung up her coat, removed her shoes, and stowed her keys and purse. "Violet! Tori!"

"We're in the kitchen, mommy!" Jade went into the kitchen and found them amidst a snowfall of flour. It had been Violet's doing – but Tori was wearing most of it.

"We really planned to have this cleaned up before you came home," Tori said, blowing a piece of hair from her face. She and Violet were both wearing aprons and baking ingredients were spread before them, along with Jade's recipe for red velvet cupcakes.

Jade simply smiled and grabbed the phone from her pocket, snapping several pictures before Tori realized what she was doing and objected. "I'm a mess! No pictures!"

"I didn't sign that agreement," Jade told her. "And how, exactly, did flour end up on my chandelier? And the fronts of my cabinets?" Her eyes were gazing directly at her daughter, who was trying to avoid her by hiding behind Tori.

"Violet, what did you do?"

"It was a vast miscalculation," Tori told her, eyes dancing with amusement.

Jade shook her head and took a spoonful of the icing Tori had already made. She pointed at it with the dirty spoon and nodded. "This is good." She threw the spoon in the sink and backed up to the stairs. "I'm going up to my office – I'm expecting the kitchen will be clean before dinner?"

"I'll make pizza," Tori told her. "Don't worry about it."

"Alright," Jade agreed. "I should finish proofing the manuscript that's been on my desk for a month. Is Cat home?"

Tori nodded, her eyes suddenly less amused. Clearly, they were making red velvet cupcakes to cheer the redhead. Jade headed up to her office but stopped first in Cat's room. Her best friend was pretending to sleep. Jade knew the difference; but if Cat wanted to be left alone, she would deal with that – for a limited amount of time. She headed into her office and shut the door, intent on getting something useful done since dinner was being taken care of for her.

That night, after dinner, Jade told Tori it was her responsibility to bathe the flour-covered Violet. After she did so, Jade took over and dried her hair. Beck arrived in time for their bedtime ritual. Before Violet picked a book, they told her where they'd been early that afternoon.

"Daddy and I went to meet Miss Kate at school today."

"Really?"

"Violet, do you like school?" Jade asked, moving the child into her lap so they were facing one another. Violet chose to play with Jade's necklace instead of looking directly at her mother. Jade stopped her small hands from playing with the glass bead and white gold piece. "Baby girl, look at me."

Violet shook her head.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Beck asked her.

"You wanted me to like school," Violet told him softly.

"We just want you to tell us the truth," Jade told her calmly. "You know, we will try to help you when things aren't working out right."

"I know," Violet said.

"Good," Jade answered gently. "I was a little worried."

Beck pulled out the two pictures they teacher had given them and Violet flushed. "What happened to this one?" He asked, indicating the second. "Even Aunt Tori can do better than that." Violet giggled. Cat was the best artist in the house – Tori the absolute worst. Her face fell as she realized her parents wanted an answer. She shook her head; she didn't have one.

"Violet, sweetheart, you don't ever have to pretend to not be good at something to make people like you," Jade told her.

Violet wasn't sure about that. Her expression trembled as she fell into Jade's arms, tears hot against her mother's neck. "But they don't like me."

"They don't know you yet," her mother told her softly. "When they do, they won't be able to help but love you. But you need to be yourself, okay? No more pretending."

"Okay," Violet whispered, eventually.

"And if someone is being mean to you, you can tell us," Beck added. After her tears were dried, a book was read, a song was sung, and kisses were exchanged, Violet fell to sleep and her parents crept from her room, each hoping in their own way that the rest of the mundane world wouldn't ruin the unique things that made their daughter amazing.

A week after the parent-teacher conference, Beck was bothering his wife. "You are walking the carpet with me next week, right?" He asked her for, she believed, the 30th time. She missed one red carpet, when she and Violet both had the stomach flu, and she'd never heard the end of it.

"I told you I would," she answered. She decided it sounded gruff and added a sentence to temper her answer. "I wouldn't miss it." She continued shuffling through her closet.

"What about Violet?"

"What about Violet?" She responded back as she found the shoes she was looking for and carried them out to place them on the floor in front of the clothes she was wearing the next day.

"I think she's old enough to walk with us. I mean - she'll never make it through the show, but my mom said she would go with us and take Violet home when she was tired." Jade considered it. She liked keeping Violet from the media. It was an unnecessary risk to flaunt her about. But she was four – almost five - and she would probably love the idea. And she was unquestionably adorable.

"Okay," she said finally. "I'll have to take her to find a dress after school tomorrow." Cat also needed a new dress since she had been invited to present one of the awards. Tori decided to go along, so it was a full afternoon.

Dress shopping with Violet was a challenge because she loved them all. Each one was a more exciting prospect than the last. Despite that fact that she was an even size 4, she wanted to try on each and every dress and spin around the store in it, entertaining Jade, the saleswoman, Tori, and Cat - who looked like she desperately wanted to twirl around with her.

"Violet," Jade said after the fifteenth dress, "come here please." Violet walked over to her cautiously, intuitively aware that her mother was about to ruin her fun. She was wearing a flouncy dress with a full white chiffon skirt and a black velvet bodice. A black velvet sash tied in a bow to the side and the skirt was embroidered with flowers that fell like snow, appearing heavier at the bottom than at the waist. She looked gorgeous, as she had in each of the dresses. The tiny child stood in front of Jade, her eyes scanning the floor. The woman smiled and leaned close. "Do you remember how much time we had for the dress store?"

"One hour," Violet said, repeating what she had been told before they began their adventure.

"Look at me," Jade said, still smiling. The child lifted her chin. "I know you're having fun - but do you know how long we've been here?" Her small head shook, causing curls to bounce. "Forty five minutes. How much time do you have left to pick a dress?"

"Fifteen minutes," the child said, her eyes going wide with realization. "Can I have more than one?" She asked in such a cute voice that Jade bit her lip and agreed.

"Two - " Jade said firmly. "Only two - one for the awards show and one for Christmas. That's it." Violet nodded, trying to keep her young face solemn. She knew she had won.

"But you have to pick them now," Jade said. Tori and Cat laughed happily as the little girl sprinted back to the place where the saleswoman had hung the dresses she had tried. Jade, Tori, and Cat followed her at a slower speed.

"She's adorable," the saleswoman said to Jade.

"And she knows it," Jade responded wryly. "Come on, Vi. Pick a dress for the awards. Which one?"

The small child walked back and forth in front of the dresses before tugging at the skirt of a green one. It was a jewel-toned green with a sheer black overlay with a floral design. It was accented with a tasteful amount of sparkles and a matching sash.

"Good choice," Jade said with a smile, watching as the saleswoman pulled if off the high bar and put it in front of the child so she could see if again in the mirror. "Now, what other one?"

"Just two?" Violet asked, her lip poking out in a slight pout.

"Just two," Jade said, giving her a firm expression that hopefully indicated she should stop dallying.

Violet's face fell slightly but she spun around in the black and white dress before stopping in front of Jade. "This one," she said with a smile. Jade returned the smile and pointed into the dressing room.

"You're not wearing it home, so go change so I can pay for these." Tori followed her into the tiny room and helped her back into her pink and white tiered dress and pink cardigan sweater she had been wearing that day. She handed the Christmas dress over the door to Jade, who passed it to the saleswoman along with her credit card.

Shopping for a dress for Cat was much more difficult. She'd definitely gained weight – none of her normal size four dresses fit. Jade handed her a stack of size sixes and she had much better luck. She was much quicker in picking a dress once she had the right size – her only real requirement was that it be pink.

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Thanks to all who are loyal readers and reviewers – you are wonderful. For those who haven't reviewed yet (or lately), please take a moment and do so!


	7. A Connection to Life

Thanks, everyone, for your kind words and lovely reviews. I'm happy you are enjoying the story. I'm feeling a bit better - thank you for your kind thoughts! Not well enough to get back to cookie baking... but hopefully I'll be back to that by tomorrow! Also - I know nothing about Hollywood award shows - so please forgive my use of creative license in this chapter.

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Chapter 6 – A Connection to Life

"_A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, _

_the key to sanity in a totally insane world". _

~Lois Wyse

The day of the awards ceremony arrived. Cat was presenting the award for best supporting actress in a musical/ comedy, so she was extra excited to go. It was barely lunchtime when she started to get ready. She wore a light pink gown of fabric made from thin pink and silver threads, which gave the dress an iridescent quality when she walked. Jade wore a black satin gown edged in black lace. She knew the gossipy biddies who did the fashion commentary would not be surprised and would say condescending things about her for wearing yet another black gown. But she loved her dress, so they could get over themselves. Tori wore a deep purple gown. Jade had been surprised when Tori had agreed to be Andre's date. But no one wanted to discourage her progress, so they said nothing.

Violet changed her mind and kept the green dress for Christmas and wore the black and white one for her first media-packed outing. She matched her mother and father and she loved it. Her brown locks were in big curls held back by a black headband topped with a floppy black bow; she was too cute for words. Her blue eyes were just a bit more brilliant with the tiniest bit of blush and mascara Jade had allowed her to wear.

Walking the red carpet with Violet was easier than Jade had expected. The child had been warned time and again about the cameras and crowds, so she kept herself completely composed, smiling brightly as she walked between Beck and Jade. Her short life had given her almost nothing to be anxious about, so she rarely was. At the end of the carpet, they were directed by Beck's manager to a reporter. Jade recognized her from one of the less disgusting networks.

Beck swept Violet into his arms, holding her on his hip as he used his other hand to hold Jade's.

"You've never brought Violet to the red carpet before," the reporter said, titling the microphone toward Beck.

"She's certainly wanted to come before," Beck answered with a laugh. "We thought she was old enough to come if she wanted to - we're certainly happy whenever we have the opportunity to go out as a family." Jade smiled. It was a fake smile. Although she knew Beck meant the words, they were still part of a show he was putting on. A show they were all participating in.

"Every woman in America is swooning and wondering if you have an identical twin somewhere who is not, in fact, married to one of the most successful young women in Hollywood." The compliment at the end of the sentence kept Jade from rolling her eyes at the swooning comment.

"I am absolutely taken," Beck confirmed proudly - "and sorry to all those ladies out there, I have no brothers." They continued with small talk about the movie he'd been nominated in that evening and his upcoming projects. Then the reporter moved on to Jade, asking her about the expected release date of her next album. Jade ignored the question as she heard a gasp from the crowd behind them. Both she and Beck turned.

Violet squealed in excitement. She was bouncing so much that Beck put her down. "It's Aunt Tori!" It was, indeed, Tori. She and Andre had been planning to enter though a non-red carpet entrance to the theater. But they must have back-tracked after the limo dropped off Beck, Jade, Cat, and Robbie. They were walking up the red carpet, amid a chattering of greetings and questions. Tori hadn't made a truly public appearance - at least not in a setting that wasn't completely controlled - since she had been found. But there she was, walking - gliding up the red carpet. There was a small smile on her lips. Jade could see terror in her eyes - but she was doing it. Jade stepped back onto the main carpet and met her at the end, taking her from Andre and directly into the theater, away from the reporters who were stepping away from big-named celebrities to ask questions of Tori.

"Impressive," Jade told her softly.

"I might die now," Tori told her stiffly, still smiling.

"Well, you're already inside," Jade told her. "So that would be a waste of a perfectly good evening." Violet stood between them, holding onto both of their skirts as she took in her first view of the theater. Tori grabbed the first glass of champagne she saw, floating in front of her on a waiter's tray. Jade took her own glass in one hand, gripping Violet's hand in the other.

They mingled for a little while with the other arriving VIPs and then Jade walked Violet to a side door where they met Ella and Bryan Oliver. She picked up her daughter and kissed her on the cheek. "Be good for grandma and grandpa," she said.

"Mommy, I'm always good," Violet said with a giggle. Ella took the child from her arms and smiled.

"Jade, you look magnificent! And we saw Tori on the monitors – tell her we're so proud of her. You'd better get back inside. We'll see you at home."

When Jade found her husband and friends, it was time to take their seats. They watched the ceremony with detached interest; only Beck was up for an award that would be announced at the show. Andre had won for composing the music to a feature film, but it had been officially announced at a luncheon the day before. His invitation to the actual awards was a courtesy. After an hour, it was Cat's turn to present. But she never made it on stage. Another young actress stepped out with Cat's costar from her latest movie and announced the nominees and winner. Jade told Beck where she was going and headed backstage. When she found Cat, it was in the ladies room. Vomiting. The redhead was kneeling in her beautiful pink dress on the tile floor, crying between convulsions. Jade glared at the women who were in the bathroom – doing nothing – and hitched up her skirt and knelt behind Cat, rubbing her back as she finished.

Once she was able to, Jade helped her to her feet and over to the sinks to rinse her mouth. After she was cleaned up, Jade sat her down on one of the plush red sofas. "I didn't get to present the award," Cat told her tearfully.

"I don't think that's your biggest problem," Jade answered. She sighed and sat next to Cat. "Beck's award is coming up – do you feel well enough to come and sit with us in the auditorium?" Cat nodded. She went back into the theater with Jade and took her seat next to Robbie. While the comedian wasn't speaking to Jade, he was still trying to maintain his relationship with Cat. Her exhaustion taking over, Cat actually nodded off until she heard loud cheering from all around her. Beck had won. Beck won his award. He won an Oscar.

Jade stood with him and kissed him before allowing him past to accept the award. He trotted quickly down the stairs and up to the stage. He was bashful and humble – character traits that his fans adored about him. He thanked Jade, Violet, his mother and father, his friends and family. His fans. He was short, to the point, and sincerely grateful. And he ran his hand through his hair twice during a 60 second speech. It was something he knew Jade would tease him about mercilessly – if she weren't completely sidetracked.

They arrived home after nine o'clock. Jade went directly to her bedroom to change out of the dress and into a pair of pajamas. After checking on Violet, she walked slowly up to the third floor. She didn't want to arrive. It would mean getting answers to questions she wished she didn't have.

Cat had also changed out of her dress. It was flung on the floor, in a heap around her shoes and underthings. Jade walked into the room and carefully hung the pink gown, placing it on the outside of the closet door – it needed to be taken to the dry cleaner.

Cat was sitting on her bed, Mr. Purple in her lap as she watched some cartoon on the television. Jade used the remote to turn it off and Cat didn't even flinch; she clearly hadn't been watching.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Jade studied her best friend. "Cat, we need to talk." The redhead was silent; she already knew that much. "When did you sleep with Robbie?" Cat's eyes opened wide in surprise and fear, then fell to look at the bedspread. "I'm not angry," Jade promised, "what you did with Robbie was your choice – and that's okay - but I need to know when. Was it before the cruise?"

Cat nodded. Jade closed her eyes. "Cat, when?"

"Tori's birthday weekend," Cat said softly. "Not on the cruise. Robbie wanted to, but I didn't want to again." Jade's eyelids fluttered closed; she took a deep breath. Each piece slipped into its own perfectly horrible place; the picture was clear. Jade and Beck had given Tori a spa weekend for her birthday; Beck had surprised Jade with the same gift. Ella and Bryan had stayed with Violet that weekend and agreed to "keep an eye" on Cat, but clearly Robbie had taken the opportunity to spend the night with the redhead.

"Was that the only time?" Cat nodded. "Cat, I think you're pregnant." The tiny redhead gasped.

"No, I'm not," she insisted.

"I think you probably are," Jade responded. "When did you last have your period?"

"I don't know," Cat answered softly. "I don't remember." Jade grimaced; that could mean anything.

"Jadey, I don't want to have a baby," her voice said, a mere whimper. Jade knew that if she'd truly conceived on Tori's birthday, there was nothing to be done about it – she was having a baby. Jade handed Cat the pregnancy test she'd taken from her own bathroom and placed in her pajama pants pocket.

Cat looked at it oddly. "What do you want me to do with that?"

"Unwrap it and pee on it," Jade told her, voice exhausted and distressed.

"Eww," Cat cried, her nose wrinkled in disgust.

"Just do it," Jade ordered sharply. Her tone of voice sent Cat running into the bathroom. After a few minutes, she called,

"Now what?"

"Leave it on the sink and wash your hands," Jade called back, burying her face in her own hands. When Cat reentered the room, her eyes were red from the effort of holding back tears. She crawled back into bed, snuggled against Jade's side and held tightly to Mr. Purple. They sat in silence.

Five minutes later, Jade got up and walked into the bathroom. Cat heard her throw something in the small trash can and wash her hands. When she exited the small room, Cat was sitting up in bed, watching her expression for an answer.

"I'm sorry, Cat," she said, her voice shaking a bit. "It's positive."

"I don't want a baby," she repeated, tears streaming down her cheeks. Jade sat next to her on the bed and offered her a hug.

"I know." Jade answered calmly. She didn't feel calm inside; her heart was pounding, her stomach was twisting in unimaginable agony.

"Jadey, make it go away," Cat begged. "Please don't make me have a baby. I don't want a baby."

"It's okay," Jade told her softly, hugging her close. "It's going to be okay." It wasn't, Jade thought. It really, truly was not okay.

It was almost three in the morning when Cat was asleep and Jade felt confident enough to leave her for a few minutes. Beck was awake in their bedroom, waiting for her. "What are you doing up?" She asked. Her voice was clearly strained from crying.

"I figured it had to be pretty bad for you to abandon me after I won the biggest award in Hollywood," Beck answered, watching as she crossed the room and crawled under the covers.

"I'm so sorry," she said, fresh tears springing to her eyes.

"Hey, hey," he said, his arms wrapping around her quickly. "I was teasing. I'm fine. Don't worry about me. What's up with Cat?"

"She's pregnant," Jade told him through sobs. She felt Beck tense; he had not been expecting those words. "I screwed up – I shouldn't have let her spend so much time alone with Robbie – she can't handle this. It's not even safe. With her medications—"

"Slow down," Beck said softly, holding her close and rubbing gentle circles against her back. "One thing at a time. It's going to be okay." They were so good at that lie. They told each other – they told Cat ,Tori, even Violet – the same lie. But Jade didn't think it was working anymore. If anything, it was making the world crashing around them.

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Those of you who don't particularly like pregnancy stories... (I know you're out there, because I'm one of you)... that's not exactly what this is. So, don't worry yet :-) There is more to come - this is not the main plot of the story, simply one caveat in a long line of things that are attempting to make Jade insane... Thanks for reading! Please review :-)


	8. Catch Me, I'm Falling

I considered not posting after the horrific events of the day - but then I thought, what better time for escapism than when reality is really terrible? I hope none of my wonderful readers has been affected by the tragedy if Connecticut, but if you have been, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Moving on, time for an alternative reality that - today at least - makes more sense than the world around me: (Not a happy chapter, but escapism nonetheless):

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Chapter 7 – Catch Me, I'm Falling

"Catch me I'm falling/ Catch me I'm falling/ Flying head first into fate  
Catch me I'm falling/ Please hear me calling/ Catch me before it's too late"

~Next to Normal

It was six in the morning when Jade finally gave up on sleep and started to get ready for the day. Tori was already in the kitchen, pouring coffee. She handed Jade a cup and sat at the kitchen table with her own. Jade joined her, staring out the French doors into the horizon.

"Is Cat pregnant?" Tori asked, after at least twenty minutes of silence.

"How did you know?" Jade asked, curiously. She hadn't prematurely shared any of her suspicions – not even with Beck.

"Despite a serious anxiety disorder, I'm not without intelligence and common sense," Tori reminded her with a wry smile. "She's been moodier than usual – her breasts have gotten sooo much bigger - there are only so many possibilities there. And, of course, you look like crap."

"Thanks," Jade answered calmly, taking another sip of the slightly sweetened coffee.

"I honestly didn't think she and Robbie were-"

"Neither did I," Jade admitted.

"How could Robbie - especially without being careful?"

"Good question," Jade responded. "Either way you look at it, Robbie is going to die."

"You can't kill him," Tori answered softly. "Cat loves him. And whether you like it or not, he is the father." Jade scowled; Tori wasn't allowed to make sense - especially sense that could keep Robbie safe.

"I made an appointment for her this afternoon," Jade said. "Then we'll know for sure. Can you take care of dinner? And pick up Violet?" Tori nodded. "Are you sure you're okay with that?"

"We'll be fine," Tori promised. She was beginning to go out more often – she just needed to do a bit of mental prep beforehand. And gave herself an extra hour or so than it actually took – just in case. But she could do it.

Jade allowed Cat to sleep away the morning; there was no point in having her awake and agitated. She woke her best friend an hour before her appointment and convinced her to eat something. The redhead was still weepy but she ate a container of yogurt and then prepared herself to leave the house. When they arrived at Dr. Brown's office, Cat decided she wanted to go home again.

Jade finished the forms to the best of her knowledge while Cat fretted, offering no help or information. She dropped them off at the window and returned to her friend, whose first coherent words since they'd arrived were, "can we just go home?"

"No," Jade answered, her fingers flipping nimbly through a script she was reading for Beck; he was considering taking the part and he wanted her opinion. She was sitting in an uncomfortable waiting room chair with Cat annoying her from the left. On the redhead's lap were the box of crayons and a coloring book Jade had handed her upon entry. "Color your picture."

"I can't," Cat answered. "I don't feel good."

"Good thing we're in a doctor's office," Jade replied.

"I want to leave," Cat demanded.

"No," Jade said sharply.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Before Jade could respond, a nurse poked her head through the closest door and said,

"Miss Valentine?" Jade stood and grabbed Cat's arm, dragging her along to an exam room. The nurse measured her weight and height and took her vitals. She measured Cat's pulse and blood pressure three times before writing down a number and closing the file.

"Are you a little nervous?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cat whimpered.

"Your blood pressure is up," Jade explained calmly. "She can tell you're upset."

"I don't want to be here," Cat replied sadly.

The nurse smiled gently. "We'll try to get you out of here as soon as we can, alright?" Cat nodded. "Okay - do me a favor and change into this gown. The doctor will knock to make sure you're ready before she comes in." Jade sat in a chair along the wall, toward the head of the exam table. Cat stood stock-still by the bottom, not moving after the nurse exited.

"You need to put that on," Jade reminded her. Cat looked at a complete loss, so the brunette sighed and walked to her side, helping her out of her dress and into the flimsy paper gown. Sitting on the edge of the table, her bare feet dangling as she clutched the robe closed, she looked more vulnerable than ever. Jade busied herself folding her friend's clothing. As she finished, the doctor knocked. "Come in," Jade answered.

Dr. Brown had been surprised to receive her call early that morning and had immediately agreed to see them. Cat's schizophrenia diagnosis and the medication she took to keep it under control were not safe for a pregnant woman; her current situation was a precarious one. Dealing smoothly with Cat's crying, whining, and complaining; Dr. Brown completed the exam and confirmed the pregnancy. Cat cried again.

"You're right about the date of conception," she told Cat while doing an ultrasound, "you look to be about four months." The ultrasound continued for much longer than normal; Jade could see that the doctor was trying – unsuccessfully – to locate a heartbeat.

"I'd like to do a transvaginal ultrasound." Dr. Brown said, after turning the monitor off and putting away the wand for the abdominal version of the test. Jade stood and walked into the hallway, waiting for the doctor to join her. From the doorway, she looked at Cat.

"Don't move," she said irritably. Once the door was closed, she turned on the doctor. "I've had that done before - and despite your assurances that it was merely uncomfortable, it hurt like hell," Jade snapped. "So, is it really necessary? She's already traumatized."

"Jade, you know I wouldn't suggest it for Cat if it weren't," the doctor said evenly. "I can't get a heartbeat from the abdominal ultrasound. At four months, I should be able to."

Twenty minutes later, the invasive test was done, Dr. Brown had the heartbeat she was looking for, and Cat was inconsolable . She also was not at all amused by hearing the heartbeat of the baby she desperately wanted to deny. It took Jade a solid five minutes to detach herself from Cat so that she could talk to Dr. Brown. She handed the small redhead over to a nurse who promised to help her get cleaned up and back into her clothes.

In the hallway, Jade waited for Dr. Brown to speak.

"With Cat's diagnosis, she still has a three week window."

"For what?" Jade asked, an eyebrow raised in wariness.

"To terminate the pregnancy," Dr. Brown said softly. "I'm not saying she should - but because she can't function safely without her medication and she can't safely carry the baby to term with the medication, she is in the category of women allowed to terminate past 20 weeks." She paused. "I can't do it. But I can give you names of people who will do it safely."

"What will happen if she stays on her current medication and carries the baby to term?"

"Some damage is probably already done, but brain development happens in the third trimester. With anti-psychotics as strong as the ones Cat takes, there are so many possibilities for complications for the baby. I can't tell you what will happen – but I can tell you the possibilities. Learning disabilities, MR, physical birth defects – "

"I get the picture," Jade muttered, interrupting the doctor. "Your opinion?"

"I can't have one," Dr. Brown told her. "Not on this. I'm sorry Jade – " She had always been extremely honest. She had been more than helpful through the years as Jade's doctor, then Cat's doctor, and eventually Tori's doctor.

"It's fine," Jade snapped. "I need time to think. I'll call you later this week if we need names." She was about to turn away when Dr. Brown stopped her.

"Jade?" Jade looked at her, waiting for the question. "Do you know who the father is?"

"We do," Jade said slowly, trying not to be insulted on Cat's behalf.

"With Cat having been declared incompetent, she can't legally consent—"

"I'm aware," Jade told her calmly. "She loves him – I'm not going to win any points or make the situation any less difficult by calling the police and having him arrested." It was something Jade had considered. It would make her feel better for a few minutes, but then it would just be a tragic mistake that would upset Cat – and the rest of her family. So, it was a threat she wasn't willing to act on.

Jade took Cat directly to Molly Winters' office. She hadn't been there in three months, but Jade was certain this news was going to take extra effort to break to Cat. "I don't want to go," Cat said irritably.

"I know," Jade answered, opening the door and ushering the other woman inside.

"I didn't want to go to the other place either," Cat added.

"I know."

"And you let her put that-"

"I know!" Jade said in a voice approaching a yell. "I know, I know, I know. I'm a terrible, terrible person. Let's just get this over with."

Jade explained to Dr. Winters what was going on and she cleared her next hour. She talked to Cat for a few minutes about the pregnancy. Cat wanted nothing to do with the discussion – she told her psychiatrist the same thing that had been her mantra for two days – she did not want a baby.

"Cat," Jade said finally, "you do have a choice – you can have an abortion." Cat's eyes widened; she'd heard the term but she had no idea what it meant. She did understand the connotation and it made her stomach hurt.

"Do you know what that is, Cat?" Dr. Winters asked. Cat shook her head.

"It means the doctor would take away the baby," Jade told her.

"And then what?"

"The baby can't survive outside of you," her friend said softly.

"It would die?"

Jade nodded. Cat's expression turned to one of horror. "I can't do that! Why would you tell me that? That's not fair – the baby didn't do anything wrong. I don't want to kill the baby. I just don't want to be pregnant. I just want it to go away. Don't make me do this." Cat was crying again. Jade wanted to cry with her; she had no idea what to do.

Finally, Dr. Winters was able to gain Cat's attention. She spoke evenly, calmly. "Cat, you have two choices. You can have an abortion and the baby will die and the pregnancy will go away. Or, you can go through with the pregnancy and give birth to the baby."

"Only two choices?" Cat asked softly.

"Only two," the doctor answered. Cat sniffled and hiccupped. The doctor got up and grabbed her a bottle of water, which she accepted and sipped from. She calmed down considerably. With that calm came exhaustion. She lay down with her head in Jade's lap.

"I don't want to do this," she said softly.

"I know," Jade responded with a heavy sigh, absently stoking her hair. Cat was silent for a long time. Neither Jade nor Dr. Winters pushed her. Finally, she spoke.

"I can't kill the baby," Cat told them. Both women nodded.

Dr. Winters pulled out a notebook and began writing. "We need to get the medications out of your system as quickly as possible. A mild anti-anxiety and anti-depression combination is safe enough for pregnancy. I'm also prescribing a high-potency anti-psychotic – it is safer than the ones you take currently."

"Is that enough?" Jade asked. She was well aware of the cocktail Cat took daily. Nothing about the pills was mild or particularly safe.

"For the next five months, it will have to be," the doctor answered. She wrote down the directions to step down from the current medications and wrote prescriptions for the new cocktail. She said goodbye to Cat, told her to come back the next week, and nodded toward her office.

Jade convinced Cat to wait for her with one of the nurses while she walked with Dr. Winters back to her office.

"Are these going to work?" Jade asked again.

"From what I just saw, I don't think they current medications are working now," Dr. Winters told Jade. "The hormones from pregnancy could be throwing them off. I wouldn't leave her alone. If you can afford to hire someone – " Jade nodded. She had unfortunately been thinking along the same lines.

That night was a rocky one. As the day had gone on, Cat had become more confused and less coherent. Jade was terrified to close her eyes; she didn't know what she would wake to find. Beck found himself wide awake with the loss of his wife beside him. Tori was awake in her room, worrying about what was going to happen and if she could keep it together long enough to be helpful. Violet was the only one in the house who obtained a full night's rest.

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I do apologize – this one was all angst and no relief. I try to balance the chapters more – but this one was heavy no matter what I did. Thanks for reading – please take a moment to share your thoughts in a review!

On an additional note that may become a slight rant – I am throwing this out here with the absolutely knowledge that 99.9% of you are wonderful, open-minded readers. However, just to cover my own derrière with the other.1%: Cat's reaction to the suggestion of an abortion does not in any way reflect my personal opinion on the topic. It is simply how I felt that particular character would react. Please don't use this opportunity to yell, complain, or argue about the general topic of abortion. Thoughts on how it relates to the story? Please share! Politics? Not here. Sorry… I had to say it. The other 99.9% of you – I apologize for wasting space (and your precious time) with a bit of a rant…

Thanks for reading! Please share your thoughts! Chapter 8, although also full of angst, will have some comic relief in the guises of Andre, Violet, and Beck.


	9. Sense of Chaos

Thanks for all of the lovely reviews and kind comments. I am glad that you are enjoying the story. This may be my last update before Christmas. I will try to get one in on Wednesday or Thursday, but if I can't – I want to wish everyone a happy holiday (or simply a wonderful day, if you don't celebrate Christmas). Thank you for making me want to share these stories I so enjoy writing :-)

I do have to apologize – there is a word at the end of the chapter that is vulgar – and I don't normally use it in my writing – but I felt it was appropriate in this particular dialogue. Please note the rating has gone up to "M." (As is "A History of Shadows"). It is not only for that particular word, but also for things coming up in future chapters.

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Chapter 8 – Sense of Chaos

"_Blame is just a lazy person's way of making sense of chaos."_

~ Doug Coupland

The next morning, Cat woke much calmer. She seemed to momentarily forget what had been going on for the past day and a half. Jade, who hadn't left her side for more than a few necessary personal moments, watched curiously as Cat showered, dressed, and walked into the kitchen before remembering that anything was wrong. It was Tori's expression of sympathy that brought reality crashing back down. Cat cried through breakfast, refusing to speak to anyone. Jade still wouldn't allow her out of her sight, so she spent most of the day sulking in the corner of Jade's office, creating drawings that she refused to share.

Later that day, Ella took Cat and Violet for a trip to dinner and the movies and promised not to bring them back until Jade or Beck said it was okay. The woman had no idea that Cat was pregnant, but she knew something was wrong. Tension buzzed through her son and daughter-in-law's house; it was palpable upon entry.

Tori had taken Cat and Violet to their rooms to find sweaters (movie theaters were always cold), leaving Jade with Ella. "You're not alright," Ella told her flatly. She didn't even consider asking about Jade's wellbeing; her daughter-in-law was clearly poised to lie about it. "What is going on here?"

"I promise I'll tell you," Jade said softly. "But I can't right now. I can't afford to lose it – not in front of Violet."

"You'll let me know if I can help?"

"You are helping. This is helpful," Jade promised. She allowed Ella to hug her and wished for a moment that she could escape for the evening to some whimsical movie and a likely trip for ice cream. Violet was the first down the stairs. She launched herself into Jade's arms.

"Why can't you come, Mommy?"

"Not this time," Jade told her. "I have things to do with Daddy. But you have fun with Grandma and Aunt Kitty. Be good."

"She's always good," Ella reminded Jade with a smile. Cat and Tori joined them a moment later and Ella left with her two charges for the evening. If Cat realized she was being sent away, she didn't argue against it.

"Are you sure Cat shouldn't be in on this conversation?" Tori asked, after they'd gone.

Jade shook her head. "She doesn't even want me to tell Robbie. She starts crying every time I bring it up. I think it's better this way."

Tori nodded, biting her lip. She agreed - and she didn't. But, she was used to be conflicted. Anxiety did that to a person. She moved on. "Do you want me to find something for dinner?"

Jade nodded. "I can't even think about food right now." She sighed. "And do me a favor and hide the scotch."

"From Beck?" Tori asked, confused. She'd never seen him have more than a beer.

"From me," Jade answered.

Whether Tori believed her or not, she did hide the scotch. And the key to the liquor cabinet. She made fajitas while Jade paced the house, stewing in her own thoughts. Tori wished she would do something – play the piano, read a book, write a play. But each time she thought to suggest it, she backed off – Jade was ready to pounce on the first person that pissed her off – not necessarily the right person.

An hour after Cat and Violet had left, Beck walked in through the kitchen door, dragging Robbie after him. Tori turned off the range and cried out in surprise when she saw that Robbie's face was bloody. She crossed the kitchen.

"What happened?" She demanded.

"He slipped," Beck answered simply. Jade, who had entered through the living room, smirked. She approved. Tori did not. Tori wrapped an icepack in a clean dishtowel and handed it to Robbie. She was angry with him – but she didn't quite think that punching him was the answer.

Andre arrived five minutes later. "Whoa," he said, seeing Robbie's face. "I didn't know you were going to hurt him."

"I improvised," Beck answered, going into the freezer for another icepack. His hand hurt; he really wasn't the hitting type.

"I did not agree to hitting of any kind," Andre said. He nudged Jade, who was still smiling at Robbie's pain. She shrugged and walked away from him.

"Thank you," Robbie said indignantly.

"You, keep your mouth shut," Andre responded. "I'm not happy with you – I just don't like violence."

Tori finished preparing the meal and put the ingredients along the counter so everyone could fix their own wrap. She fixed her own plate and sat at the kitchen table. Four sets of eyes stared at her. She looked up at them and sighed. "The rest of you can argue first – but I'm hungry." Andre and Beck also partook in the meal. Jade poured herself a glass of wine before making a fajita.

Robbie continued sitting at the table where Beck had deposited him, unsure what to do. Each time he had demanded to know what was going on, he had been ignored.

"If I were you, I would eat," Tori told him. "You might not be able to if Beck gets his hands on your again."

"I don't like being manhandled."

"You should keep your mouth shut," Jade said, repeating what Andre had already said before soundly thumping him on the head. Robbie cried out indignantly but was again ignored. Tori and Andre might have been willing to chide Beck for using violence, but they were not telling Jade a thing. That was dangerous territory. Jade sat next to Tori and picked at her meal. "It's very good," she said in soft compliment.

"I can see that," Tori teased her, noting the lack of food that actually made it to Jade's lips. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Andre and Tori broke the ice by discussing his current tour. No one spoke to Robbie and he had grown wise to the warnings and stopped adding in his comments.

After the table was cleared, they all sat back in their seats and stared at Robbie.

"What is going on here?" He asked, finally unnerved.

"How could you sleep with Cat – without protection?" Andre finally asked, his voice filled with dismay.

"How is that anyone else's business? That's private," he said irritably.

"Not anymore," Jade told him sharply. "Cat is pregnant. Four months." Robbie gasped. Tori and Andre were both staring intently at the table. Jade and Beck glared daggers.

"How? She said she was on the pill."

"Oh, she's on many, many pills," Jade assured him darkly. "Not one is birth control!" Her voice gained momentum as she spoke. "You have known Cat for over ten years – and it never once occurred to you to clarify what she meant by 'pill' before continuing?"

"No," Robbie told her. "It's not like we were secretive about dating—"

"That does not help your case," Beck answered. "If you though it was okay to sleep with her, you wouldn't have waited until we were away for the weekend." Robbie hadn't thought it was wrong- he just didn't want to be judged and probably kicked out by Beck and Jade. Those thoughts weren't ones he felt Beck wanted to hear at the moment.

"What is she going to do?" Robbie asked glumly.

It was Tori who came back with the biting comment this time. "Do you even know what four months means? It's almost half-way through a pregnancy. She's can't do anything at this point but have the baby." That wasn't completely true but, after Cat had made her decision, Jade had not told anyone that abortion had been an option. After seeing Cat's reaction to the suggestion, Jade wasn't willing to revisit the topic - no matter how much it might simplify their lives. Tori's tirade continued. "And she's terrified. She barely understands what's going on."

"And, of course, you remember, she's on powerful anti-psychotic drugs that she can't take during pregnancy. So the control she's been able to have over her disease for the past four years – you pretty much screwed that up. Any setbacks at this point are on your head," Jade told him.

"I didn't know—" Robbie said sadly.

"You didn't pay attention," Beck clarified. "We've been telling you these things since you and Cat started dating, but you always want to vilify Jade and accuse her of being too controlling. She's the only person who has consistently been watching out for Cat for the past twenty-two years. She hasn't been warning you to mess up your relationship – she's been trying to protect Cat."

There was silence. Eventually, it was broken. "It was a mistake. I don't understand why everyone is so angry with me," Robbie said, almost pouting. Jade's eyes blazed at him but Beck, at this point, was practically sitting on top of her, so her desire to throttle him was temporarily thwarted.

"Man, how can you not see how bad this is?" Andre asked, annoyance clear in his tone. "This is Cat. She can barely take care of herself. Adding a baby into the mix? I still don't understand how you weren't more careful?"

The conversation went in circles. Point after point was made. Robbie didn't think he was wrong; Jade didn't think she was wrong. Everyone else, for the most part, barring violence, was on Jade's side in the argument. By the end of the evening, Tori and Robbie were both crying. Jade was too angry to cry; she was seeing red. Finally, realizing there was no real end in sight to the conversation, she laid out her demands.

"When Cat gets home," Jade said calmly, "this is what is going to happen." Her voice was dangerously tranquil. Beck cringed; Tori's skin was crawling. "You are going to let her tell you that she is pregnant. You are going to apologize for being so careless. Then you are going to ask her what she wants to do with the baby. When she tells you that she wants to give it up for adoption, you are going to tell her that you agree that is the best thing."

"But I don't agree," Robbie said stubbornly.

"That is not your choice," Jade told him sharply. "You have not spent the last ten years of your life making sure Cat survives hers. This could unhinge her and I'm not going to let that happen."

"She might be okay, once the baby arrives."

"Robbie, she can't even remember to feed a fish," Tori told him in frustration. "I mean - I love Cat, we all do – but she can't take care of a baby. And Jade can't take care of her and a baby."

"Maybe if you weren't here," Robbie said in a weak, frustrated argument. It was met with a look of shock and hurt from Tori and an expression of complete loathing from Jade. Tori had tears in her eyes, she ducked her head, clearly humiliated.

"Man, it's like you want someone to hit you," Andre said emphatically, his frustration level also showing.

Beck knew Robbie had touched a nerve that would make Jade strike venomously; he intervened before she had the chance. "Tori is not the problem," Beck said quickly, "the problem is that, in addition to Cat not being able to take care of a child, – legally or practically – Cat doesn't want to take care of a child. The only thing she has been certain of in the past two days is that she does not want a baby."

Jade had crossed the room to sit next to Tori and was speaking to her softly. The other brunette was approaching a clear meltdown.

"That's because, I'm sure, you all keep telling her she can't take care of a baby. Just give her a chance." Jade disappeared from the room and they all remained silent. Tori was hugging a pillow in her lap and refused to look at anyone while Beck and Andre paced the room in clear agitation.

When Jade reappeared, she had a folder in her hands. She threw it at Robbie, who looked at it curiously. "What is this?"

"Open it," Jade said angrily. It was a challenge and he took it. He flipped open the folder and closed it just as quickly. "You think you know everything – look at it," Jade told him forcefully.

"I don't want to. That was ten years ago—"

"It's part of her medical file. That was two months before Violet was born – not ten years ago," Jade told him. "Her medications stopped working – she started hearing voices again – and they told her to do that." She gestured harshly toward the folder, holding the pictures they had taken of Cat's wrists in the emergency room. "She spent three weeks in in-patient therapy trying to get her medications evened out again."

"Why didn't anyone ever tell me?"

"I didn't know," Andre informed him soberly. Timing wise, he had not been around, so he wasn't about to throw any stones.

"I found her," Tori said, her voice haunted. She had known from the moment Jade disappeared what she was going to show Robbie. That night had sent Tori back months in her recovery. She'd almost gone back into the hospital herself after several frightening panic attacks. "I saw with my own eyes what happened - and it wasn't anyone else's business."

"It wasn't anyone's business but Cat's," Beck agreed. "If she wanted you to know, it was her option to tell you."

Finally, after several minutes of staring at the folder in his lap, Robbie stood and faced off with Jade. "Shouldn't I get a say? – it's my baby too."

"You get nothing but the opportunity to continue breathing if you keep your opinions to yourself and tell Cat what she needs to hear so she can move on with her life after this baby is born," Jade told him sharply.

Robbie turned to look at Tori, tucked safely into the corner of a sofa. He looked at Andre, sitting on the piano bench with his head bent in sadness. Beck leaned against the wall that led into the dining room, his hands fisted angrily in his pockets. Jade stood a few feet from him, her eyes locked on him, her expression angry and so very, very pained.

"Doesn't anyone think I should have a say in this?"

"It's not what Cat wants," Tori told him softly, her voice shaky from tears.

"Little Red can't be dealing with this," Andre answered. Beck simply shook his head. Robbie sighed and hung his head in defeat.

"Fine," he said angrily. "One more thing Jade West gets to control."

"You know nothing," Jade spat at him. But she accepted his concession. She crossed the room and sat next to Tori, her hand rubbing gently over the brunette's shoulder.

Beck texted his mother and let her know it was safe to bring Violet and Cat home. "Are you sure you're alright?" Jade asked, from her place next to Tori. The other woman nodded. This wasn't about her; it was about Cat. And if Jade wasn't always worried about her, maybe she would have been able to stop Cat— No. Tori stopped her thoughts in their tracks. That was not a good road to go down. If and buts only led to dark places. She accepted the pill and bottle of water Beck handed her gratefully. She dried her eyes and did a few breathing exercises, trying to chase away the tears.

They were silent as they heard doors open and close in the driveway. Violet was the first one through the door, jumping into Beck's arms. He tried to look happy to see her; he was happy to see her. But the stress of the evening had taken its toll on the normally easy-going actor. He hugged Violet and put her down.

"Did you have fun?" Jade asked her, crouching down to Violet's level. She couldn't force a smile to her face, no matter how hard she tried.

"We did!" Violet cried. "We saw Toy Story 5. And grandma let me have pink ice cream." That was code for sugar-free sherbet; Jade was relieved; she didn't need her daughter bouncing off walls instead of sleeping.

"Did you say thank you to Grandma?" Violet ran back across the foyer to hug Ella, who was just entered with Cat.

"Thank you, grandma, thank you Aunt Kitty." She hugged them both, causing Ella to smile and startling Cat.

Tori intercepted her before she could make a bee line back to Jade. She lifted Violet to her hip and started up the stairs. "Come on, angel, how about I read you a story tonight?"

"What about Mommy and Daddy?"

"They'll be up to tuck you in," Tori promised.

"How do I get in on this bedtime story action?" Andre asked, following them up the stairs. Violet giggled from Tori's arms.

Cat stood in the middle of the living room, staring at Robbie. Tiny cries were emitting from her lips – she didn't want to tell anyone else what was going on. She knew Jade and Tori knew - but Beck and Andre? And she really didn't want to tell Robbie. Jade walked over to her and led her to the sofa.

"Cat, you need to talk to Robbie."

"No," Cat said, shaking her head.

"Yes," Jade argued softly. "I'll be right upstairs – yell if you need me. But you need to talk to him. Tell him what you want to do."

"I don't want any of this," Cat insisted.

"I know," Jade said sadly. "But it's happening – and you need to deal with that. I can't just make this go away." Cat still believed she could – and was just being stubborn about it. She was still firmly in a stage of complete and unreserved denial. "You need to talk to him." She gave Cat a quick hug and walked with Beck up the stairs. They weren't going very far; Robbie knew that one way or another, they were going to listen to every word he and Cat exchanged.

He sat on the sofa next to her and she slid to the other side, staring intently at the carpet. "I'm pregnant," she said finally, her voice soft and mournful.

"I'm sorry," Robbie said. He was sorry for the stress it was causing her, whether he agreed with the way Jade was handling it or not.

"Me too," Cat answered.

Robbie was silent for a long time. He knew what he was supposed to say – but he really didn't want to. Finally, knowing it was his only safe passage from the Oliver household, he moved on to his next set of orders. "What do you want to do, with the baby?"

"I don't want it," Cat told him softly. "But someone else will. So I'm going to give it to someone who can't have their own baby."

"Adoption?" He asked. She nodded.

"I think that's—" He paused. "You know what? I think that's crappy. I think that's what Jade wants you to do, not necessarily what you want to do. Don't you even want to try? We could raise the baby together. You don't have to give it up because Jade says so." Cat looked like she was contemplating his offer. Then, she started screaming.

"Jade!" Cat called, before crumpling into the sofa. "Jade! I want Robbie to go home now!" Jade was down the stairs in record time, glaring at Robbie and nodding toward the front door. He didn't argue – he knew he was outnumbered. Beck was sure to be waiting close by.

"The offer still stands," he told Cat, "if you change your mind." Cat disappeared up the stairs, her sobs echoing in the foyer where Jade and Robbie remained.

Jade stared at him and finally, after he was extremely uncomfortable, began speaking again. "if you think you can take this baby across the country – or better yet, out of the country – and take care of it – _**good**_ care of it – I won't stop you. That is your right. But if you plan to stay here, you will sign away your rights. It's not fair to Cat otherwise. She's not going to able to handle seeing it all the time. And she can't handle being a part in raising it."

"If I don't agree with you?"

She stiffened and lifted her chin, glaring at him straight on. "Cat is under guardianship, she has been since she turned 18. She can't legally consent to having intercourse. If you don't make this pregnancy and adoption as easy as humanly possible on her, I will call the police and have you arrested and charged."

Robbie scoffed. "You think that Beck is going to support that decision? And Tori and Andre? That's a ridiculous threat and you know it."

"If it keeps Cat safe and sane, I'd do it – no matter what the cost. Don't fucking try me." She pointed out the open door and closed it behind him with a hollow thud of wood on wood.

* * *

Thanks for reading! It was a long chapter, but I thought it was a necessary one. Please take a moment to review. Favorite part? Least favorite part? Is Jade being fair to Robbie? Or does Robbie have a point?


	10. Little Girls

Hi everyone! Thanks so much for all of your lovely reviews. I hope you're doing well and enjoying the holidays. I'm snowed it, which gave me time to work on this next chapter. I hope everyone else who's experiencing this terrible winter storm is staying safe and warm!

* * *

Chapter 9 – Little Girls

"_Little girls are cute and small only to adults. To one another they are not cute. _

_They are life-sized."_

~Margaret Atwood

After Robbie was gone, Jade sat alone in the darkened living room for a long time. She knew she'd gotten her point across; she'd accomplished what she'd set out to do. It didn't make her feel any better. A heaviness in her chest told her that nothing was going to assuage her fears and nerves. Eventually, Beck found her. "Stop torturing yourself," Beck told her, his hands landing on her shoulders and rubbing them gently. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"We ambushed him," Jade said. "Of course he was going to act all twitchy and idiotic. But he does have rights. We can't ignore that."

"Jade, he only has rights because you haven't called the police." He sat next to her and she looked at him questioningly. "I'm not saying you should – because that would just be all around uncomfortable and bad for everyone. But you have to remember that he waited until we were out of town to approach Cat. He knew it wasn't right."

"I don't know any more what's right," Jade admitted in a murmur. "I'm so tired of thinking. My brain hurts."

He sighed and pulled her into his arms, cradling her against his chest. She rested there for a few minutes before sitting up, panicked. "Cat was upset. Is she by herself?"

"Tori is with her," Beck promised. Jade relaxed slightly. "She got her settled down – they're watching Toy Story. Apparently, before Robbie showed up, she had a great time with my mom and Violet and really liked Toy Story 5."

After Tori went back to her own room that night, Beck went to sit with Cat while Jade got ready for bed. It was an exhausting cycle. She showered and changed into a pair of pajamas before checking on Violet. The preschooler was sleeping peacefully, a stuffed bear tucked firmly under one arm. Jade crept into the room and kissed her forehead before sneaking back out.

She knocked on Tori's door and waited for an invitation. The door opened. Tori walked over to her dressing table, where she had apparently been heading. She was removing her makeup and said nothing as Jade entered.

"Tori—"

"You don't need to say anything," Tori told her. "He was uncomfortable and he was trying to make everyone else uncomfortable. He clearly succeeded."

"He's not right," Jade told her firmly.

"He's not wrong either," Tori insisted, finishing with her makeup and pulling her hair into a loose ponytail. Her skin, which had once been flawless, was littered with scars. Some were thin and flat against her tan skin, some were larger and raised. Rarely did she allow anyone to see her without her makeup. Violet, for one, had never seen the scars on her face or most of her body. She'd seen the ones on Tori's right wrist only recently, when a set of red bracelets had gotten caught on the edge of a kitchen cabinet door and broken, beads scattering everywhere. Jade and Beck had gone after the beads; Violet's eyes had fallen to Tori's bare wrist. The four year old quickly realized that she'd never seen Tori's wrists bare. The question she asked about the scars had ignited a solemn silence in the room and somehow, Jade had distracted her and changed the topic.

"We have been over this so many times," Jade said, tiredly. "We want you to be here – as long as – and probably longer than – you want to be."

"It's been five and a half years," Tori told her. "When is it going to happen? When am I magically going to want to be by myself? When am I going to do something useful?"

"You have a purpose here, just as big a purpose as anyone. Do you even realize how much Violet loves you? How much she looks up to you and idolizes you? I don't know what I'd do without your help and support – especially now."

Tori turned and looked at her. "I was supposed to be a pop star." She closed her eyes. "I was almost there. And it was all taken away – so it's a little hard to accept the pace at which things are currently moving."

"I can't imagine," Jade told her honestly. "I can't imagine what you go through every day – but don't let Robbie's insecurities and lashing out ruin anything you've worked for."

"I won't," Tori assured her softly.

The next day, they all woke on edge. Even Violet was cranky, which was unusual. She moaned and groaned about going to school and made herself so late that Jade had to walk her into the building and apologize for her tardiness.

When she arrived back home, Beck was waiting for her with a pile of papers.

"Why can't we just call Clare? We know Clare, we like Clare," Jade said irritably, two hours later, throwing a resume amid the pile that was growing on her desk. She was referring to the woman who had helped them on several occasions with Tori.

"Clare has a full time job and her own family now," Beck reminded his short-tempered wife. "We were lucky to have her when we did – but she's not looking for a 24 hour a-day job anymore."

"Can't we just call her – and offer her like five times what she's making?"

"No," Beck answered. "I know you think you have inexhaustible resources, but eventually the coffers will run dry if we starting paying five times what everything is worth." Jade scoffed; he paused. "But we should call her – she may have names of colleagues who are looking for something to help pay off loans."

"I want _her_," Jade whined.

"Can we do this tomorrow when you are not in such a bad mood?" Beck asked.

"No," Jade said stubbornly. "I haven't slept in my own bed in a week. We need to do this now." Beck sighed and handed her the next resume. By dinner time, they had scheduled eight interviews for the next day – three of which were with people Clare had suggested.

The next day came too quickly – Beck knew that his wife was in no mood to be meeting new people. Tori took Violet to school and then returned home to sit with Cat while Jade and Beck interviewed nurses.

After Jade dismissed the first two because they annoyed her, Beck knew he was in trouble. "Can you just let me do the talking?"

"You would love that, wouldn't you?" She said stubbornly.

"Jade, we're not going to find anyone if you don't calm down. You haven't slept well in over a week – just let me talk."

"Fine."

It went better after that and by that afternoon, they had invited four nurses back the next day to meet Cat and have a trial run. The first woman left within twenty minutes. "I'm sorry," she said apologetically, "I don't think I can do this." The second woman, Gwen, visited with Cat for an hour and actually showed proper reverence to Mr. Purple and Disney movies. The third woman stayed for the entire hour with Cat but, upon leaving, told Jade and Beck that she couldn't take the job. It seemed like too much "emotional investment." The fourth woman, Dianna, was about as successful as Gwen. Jade and Beck split their references, made the phone calls, and hired them both before the third day. Gwen would come Monday morning through Thursday mid-day and Dianna would work from Thursday mid-day to Monday morning.

"I do not need a babysitter," Cat said irritably, after everyone had left for the day.

"That's good – because if I just agreed to pay them that rate for babysitting, I'd be pretty pissed," Jade told her flippantly. "We talked about this – you knew what we were doing."

"I don't like it."

"I don't care."

The following Monday, Gwen showed up at six in the morning, just as Jade was pouring her first cup of coffee. Tori was sitting at the table, eating a bowl of cereal and reading something on her PearPad. Jade answered the door and invited the woman in. She had a suitcase with her, which Jade told her to leave –she would ask Beck to carry it up to the third floor guest room.

"Cat will usually sleep until noon," Jade told her. "I don't let her – but last night was not a good one, so I would give her until at least eleven today."

They walked into the kitchen. "This is Tori Vega. Tori, this is Gwen."

"Nice to meet you," Tori said with a small smile.

"Tori will be here most of the time, so if you need anything, she can probably help you. She usually makes lunch for herself, Violet, and whoever else is home around 12:30 – if she doesn't, you're welcome to anything in the refrigerator or pantry. We try to keep sugar away from Cat as much as possible – it's never been good for her, even before the diagnosis."

"But there are sugar-free cupcakes in the pantry that she thinks have sugar," Tori added as she rinsed her cereal bowl. "They're good for bribery." Jade glared at Tori and looked back to the nurse.

"Try not to bribe her unless it's necessary. It makes her impossible."

Tori was lacing her tennis shoes as Jade showed the woman around the kitchen and asked her to please put things back where she found them. Tori smiled; Jade hated letting other people touch her kitchen. They were about to start up the stairs when Jade looked back at Tori.

"I'm going for a walk," Tori told her. "But I'll be back in time to help with Violet if you want me to get her ready for school." Jade nodded her appreciation and continued the tour of the house with the new nurse.

While Tori got Violet ready for school and fed her breakfast, Jade sat in her office with the woman she was now trusting with Cat, giving her specific directions. She tapped her manicured nails lightly on a bright pink binder. Inside, there were sections – one described Cat's schedule, one her medications, one her history. One contained emergency numbers from Jade, Beck, and Tori to Dr. Brown, Dr. Winters, and even to Ella and Bryan Oliver. There was a section on things she liked to do – and warnings about things she would claim to want to do – but would then get upset about if you tried.

The other woman was both impressed and a bit anxious; it was a lot of information. "I'm going to work from home this week," Jade told her once they had gone over every detail of her job and responsibilities. "We'll call it a trial run – pretend I'm not here, unless there's an emergency." Gwen nodded. "I don't want her alone for a second. If you need to use the restroom or take a break, bring her to one of us. When we are home and she's spending time with us, you can certainly do whatever you like. In the evening, you're welcome to eat with us – but you can choose to go wherever you like, as long as you're back by 10." She showed the woman the guestroom on the third floor where she could keep her things and spend time – if she chose – when Cat was with the family.

She led the woman into Cat's sitting room. "At night, as we discussed during the interview, we expect you to be sleeping in the same room. There is another bed set up in her bedroom," Jade added. "No earplugs or headphones – if she gets up, I want you to know about it."

"I understand, Mrs. West."

Jade was silent. There was so much to say – so much someone else needed to know in order to take care of Cat. "She's my best friend." She said, her voice filled with emotion.

"I'll take care of her like she's mine," Gwen promised. Jade nodded gratefully and opened the bedroom door, leading her into the overly pink room. Gwen gave her a small smile and walked over to an arm chair where she parked herself for the morning, reading over the binder Jade had given to her. Jade looked once more at Cat before heading down to the kitchen to say goodbye to her daughter.

Violet was not amused when Tori reminded her that a woman was coming to keep Cat company. She had no idea what it meant for her Aunt Kitty, but she knew what it meant for her; her mother was going back to work. She pouted when Jade walked into the kitchen and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Don't pout," Jade told her, going into the refrigerator to pour a glass of juice. "I have to go back to work – you'll be with Aunt Tori in the afternoons – and I'll be home before dinner." Violet's expression was unchanged. Jade frowned and sat next to her at the table. "We've done this before, Vi. What's the problem now?" Jade had worked for most of Violet's life. Some from home, some from the studio. She'd toured twice with Violet – once when she was still pregnant with the child for her third album and once when she was two for her fourth album. She'd cut singles since then and contributed to several albums, including two tracks with Andre, but she'd yet to put out her own new album.

"I don't want you to go," Violet told her, staring at fruit she was attempting to spear with her fork.

"Do you like our house?" Her daughter looked up at her with an expression that was clearly confused. But she nodded. "Do you like the things we get to do – going on vacations and traveling and going to the theater and out to fancy dinners?" Violet nodded. "Do you like your pretty dresses?" Another suspicious nod. "Then I have to go back to work," Jade told her, eyebrows raised. Violet scowled. Tori hid a laugh; it was Jade's scowl.

Despite Violet's annoyance at Gwen and then Dianna's presence and what it meant for her mother leaving the house, the week went well. It took both women very short amounts of time to get Cat to like them. She was easy to please. She was also in a better mood. Jade wasn't sure what to attribute it to, but she loved it. Cat was giggly, bouncy, and normal – well, for her.

After the trial week, Jade headed back to the studio to work on her fifth album. Violet, whose protests had been met with soothing promises but had basically been ignored, took the opportunity to act out. After attempting with failure to get ahold of Jade and Beck, the school called Tori. She was at the piano in the living room, working on a new composition. She had been writing again, but only when Jade and Beck weren't around. She didn't want anyone to know – because she was pretty sure it was all terrible.

"Hello?" She said, answering with a hesitant voice. She didn't normally receive phone calls from unknown numbers.

"May I speak with Tori Vega?"

"This is she."

"This is Dr. Eberhart from St. Ann's." The principal – Tori knew the name. "I have Violet in my office and I can't reach Mr. Oliver or Mrs. West."

"He's filming today and she's in the recording studio, so I'm sure they had to turn their phones off. Is everything okay?"

"Violet is suspended for the rest of the day – and tomorrow. I need someone to come and pick her up. A parent needs to return with her and meet with me before she can be readmitted on Thursday."

"What happened?"

"I'll let her explain it to you," the principal said. Tori knew then that Violet could hear the conversation.

"I can be there in twenty minutes." Tori didn't think about the fact that she was leaving the house. She didn't have time to prepare herself or map out the trip in her mind. She threw on her shoes and jacket, picked up her keys and purse, and was out the door.

When Tori arrived, she showed her ID and was buzzed directly into the main office. Violet was sitting in front of the secretary's desk, looking contrite. "Hi, Aunt Tori," she said, her voice small. Tori raised her eyebrows at the little girl.

"What happened?"

The principal appeared at the door to her office. "Violet, would you please bring your aunt into my office?" Violet took Tori's hand and started walking toward the older woman. She looked like she should be in charge of a school named after a Catholic Saint, Tori through wryly. She'd been raised in the Catholic Church; nuns were mean. After the principal had given Violet a thorough reprimanding in Tori's presence, she dismissed them both.

Tori had no idea what to do; this was dangerous territory. Violet had always been well behaved. But if this wasn't addressed, Tori shuddered to think of the possibilities. A teenaged Jade came to mind.

"Can I color?"

"No," Tori answered." Violet had been sitting at the kitchen table for the past twenty minutes and, having never been punished before, was not quite sure why she should be subjected to boredom. They had eaten a quiet lunch – Tori refused to say much to her – and then she was informed that she would sit at the table until her mother came home. Tori knew Jade wouldn't be long once she checked her messages.

"Can I go find Aunt Kitty?"

"No," Tori repeated. "You're not going anywhere until your mom gets home. So you'd better stop asking." Tori was baking a batch of brownies from scratch. Violet had a strong feeling she wasn't going to get one.

When Jade walked in through the kitchen door, Violet tried to jump up from her seat but Jade put up a finger and then pointed it at her. "You stay right there," she said sternly. Violet crossed her arms and sat back against the kitchen chair, sighing dramatically. Jade turned to Tori and the other woman could see that she was struggling not to laugh.

"Don't you laugh," Tori hissed under her breath. "She'll think she's allowed to do this all the time."

"You have to admit—"

"I have been straight-faced for two hours," Tori told her testily. "So you can hold back for a few minutes. She's never been in trouble before. If you laugh at what she did this time – she'll never understand that what she did was wrong." Tori could see that she wasn't getting through to Jade, who was highly amused at her daughter's antics.

"Do you know who laughed at their daughter any time she did something mischievous? My parents. With Trina. Look how annoying she turned out to be." That was enough; Jade sobered.

"I didn't think I was going to have to actually deal with discipline – she's been so good for so long."

"Well, buck up," Tori told her testily. "You do now." Jade stole a spoonful of brownie batter and leaned forward against the kitchen island, crossing one boot over the other. She thought while she licked her spoon. She had no idea what she was doing. How in the world did she think she was fit to be a mother? Her own mother beat her when she had done something wrong – and often when she hadn't. Tori could see panic in her eyes.

"Just talk to her," Tori told her. "And tell her it was wrong – and why she can't do it again." Jade threw her empty spoon in the sink and turned around to look at Violet.

She took her daughter's hand and walked with her up to her bedroom, a veritable fairy tale oasis for any young girl. Jade sat on the edge of the bed and sat Violet across from her, so their eyes met. "Do you understand what you did was wrong?" Jade asked her.

"I know everyone is mad at me," Violet said uncertainly. It wasn't really the answer Jade had been hoping for.

"Everyone is upset," Jade told her, "because you can't do things like that – you can't touch other people, even if they make you angry."

"Ally said mean things," Violet told Jade. "She said I was a weirdo and a smarty-pants."

"Those things are mean," Jade agreed. "But you can't let other people upset you – and you certainly can't do what you did. Ever again – do you understand me?" Violet nodded.

"She said mean things about you and Daddy and Aunt Tori," Violet said in a whisper. Jade pulled the preschooler into her lap.

"Vi, your dad and I – and even Aunt Tori, a lot time ago - we picked jobs in entertainment. That means a lot of people think they can talk about us however they want to. We know they're wrong; but we have to ignore them. You have to ignore them. You walk away. Eventually, they'll stop."

Violet didn't understand at all, but she nodded. She knew that was what her mother wanted. Jade kissed the top of her head and hugged her. "I'm sorry Ally hurt your feelings," she told her sincerely. "But I never want to get another call from school saying you did anything against the rules – are we clear?" Violet nodded against Jade's chest. Violet's punishment was that she was to stay in her room for the rest of the night. Jade took dinner to her and put her to bed early.

Beck, after a full day of filming, arrived home after Violet was sleeping. He saw Tori and Jade, sitting in the kitchen, and burst out laughing. "Stop it," Tori scolded him.

"It's not funny," Jade told him. "The principal called – the girl's mother is livid. They're still trying to get the glue out of her hair."

"How much did she pour on her head?" Beck asked, sobering a bit. He was still smiling.

"The whole bottle," Tori told him.

"The big bottle," Jade added. "The big ones they use to put glue in the little Dixie cups for each kid." Beck hid his mouth with his hand, stifling a laugh.

"Suspension is a little harsh for a preschooler," Beck said. "Especially over glue."

"They have a zero-tolerance policy on violence of any kind – including pouring glue on a fellow child's head. We signed it," Jade told him. Beck tried to stop himself, but the laughter started up again. Jade glared at him and Tori shook her head.

She stood and carried the glass she had been drinking from to the sink. "I'm going to bed. You two have a fun argument." She disappeared, leaving Jade and Beck alone. There was no argument. Jade smiled and shook her head and hugged her husband.

"Don't you dare let our daughter know that you think what she did was funny," she warned him.

"It's not very different than you throwing coffee on Tori in tenth grade," Beck reminded her.

"It's very different!" Jade insisted. "I was sixteen – and I didn't have parents who cared what I did. So, tomorrow morning, before you go to work, you are going to tell her it was wrong and that she's never to do anything like that again."

Beck didn't want to; he didn't want to be anything but playful and fun with his daughter. But he knew Jade was right. He nodded, and he did tell Violet the next morning that she was better than that – she didn't need to hurt other people when her feelings were hurt. By the time the weekend rolled around, the incident was forgotten about and Violet was back in school.

"Since Violet's going to be in school in the mornings, I think I'm going to take a class," Tori said that Saturday night, after Violet was tucked into bed. She was sitting at the kitchen table, losing a game of Scrabble to Jade. Beck was also playing, but he wasn't really a contender to win. He never was.

"That sounds interesting," Beck said supportively. "Any class in particular?"

"There are a few music theory classes at UCLA that I'd like to try," Tori answered. "They're willing to take my credits from before." Jade and Beck exchanged looks. Tori rarely made reference to the time between high school and the year she'd begun to live with them.

"When would you start?" Jade asked.

"The spring semester doesn't start until January – but I can start taking lessons now, so I think I will, just to get used to going to campus."

"It sounds like a good plan," Jade agreed. "As long as your expectations are reasonable and you don't put too much pressure on yourself—"

"I won't," Tori promised. She paused. "My first piano lesson is on Monday at 9:30 – will you go with me the first time? I just don't know the campus yet—" Jade nodded. She played a word on a triple word score and the other two groaned. The doorbell rang and Tori jumped up to get it, knowing it was Andre.

"You guys actually play Scrabble?" Andre asked, after Tori had let him in the front door and he followed her back into the kitchen. "I always thought that was a euphemism for something much more interesting."

"You're just jealous because you know you can't win," Jade told him.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute," Andre said. "Who was it who started writing music first?"

"Whose words have sold more records?" Jade shot back with a teasing smile.

Andre ignored her and turned to the only other male in the room. "Beck, your woman is getting mean."

"She's my wife, not my woman," Beck told him. "And you just made fun of her favorite non-Violet, non-music pastime, so you'd better watch it." Andre stood next to Tori, watching her attempt to play her next move. She had nothing, he thought. But she surprised him when she found a place for 'Qut.'

"What the hell does that mean?" Andre asked.

"It's a Turkish spiritual concept," Tori told him, her face completely straight.

He turned to stare and Back and Jade. "Who is this woman and what have you done with my best friend Tori Vega who does not know words like qut?"

"Qut," Jade told him, correcting his pronunciation. She used her last letter and tallied the score. "I win."

"Only by twenty points this time," Tori said , peering at the notebook. Beck looked at his score and whistled.

"You ladies shame me." He looked at Andre. "Movie time."

"Is Cat watching?" Andre asked, noting that the redhead was nowhere to be found.

"Only if we agree to watch a Disney film," Jade informed him.

"So," Andre answered good-naturedly, "Cat's not watching the movie?" Tori smiled and shook her head. Jade put away the game while Tori made popcorn and poured two glasses of wine. Beck grabbed two beers and handed one to Andre. They sat on two of the sofas. Jade took a glass of wine from Tori and sat next to her husband while the other brunette sat on the sofa with Andre, their bowl of popcorn between them.

"Whose turn is it to pick?" Beck asked.

"Can't it just always be my turn?" Jade pouted.

"Not unless the rest of us want constant nightmares," Tori told her. "It's my turn." They settled on an action-adventure movie that one of Beck's coworkers had starred in.

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It was a long chapter. Not a lot of action, but necessary to the movement of the plot. Hope you enjoyed it. Let me know your thoughts.


	11. Never Where You Think

Happy New Year! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season. Here is the next chapter - enjoy!

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Chapter 10 – Never Where You Think

"_The past is never where you think you left it."  
_― Katherine Anne Porter

Jade waited impatiently. She flipped through her calendar on her PearPad, thinking through and preparing for the rest of the day and week. Ten minutes after the time she'd ordered him to arrive, Robbie entered the coffee shop. She set her phone aside, next to her empty coffee cup.

Robbie sat across from her at the small table, his expression sullen and suspicious. "I'm not going to apologize," he told her cautiously.

"I'm not worried about your apology," she snapped. "Have you thought about what you want to do? Are you going to take the baby away? Or give it up for adoption?"

"I don't want to leave," Robbie told her. "My job is here – we were just renewed for another season." Jade nodded briskly and passed to him a sheaf of paper. It was a legal document, he could see that much. He looked at the title and saw that they were papers that would release him from any rights to his child. It would give Cat, or Jade actually – since she had custodial power, the free and clear to put the baby up for adoption. Robbie looked hesitantly at the document. Four places were marked throughout the pages where his signature was required. Next to each of the blank lines were lines containing Jade's signature.

Robbie looked up at her. "You signed these?"

"Don't look at me like that," Jade snapped. "I sign everything that's legally binding. I have for over ten years." Robbie hesitated, leafing through the pages slowly. He read every word. Jade disregarded him, using the time to flip through a book she'd downloaded to her PearPad.

Finally, after almost an hour had passed and every word had been read almost twice, Robbie signed the papers. Jade took them, folded them in half, and shoved them into her purse. She stood.

"Can I be there, when the baby is born?"

"What good would that do?" Jade asked. Her voice didn't exhibit anger and he knew the question was one she was posing logically and not necessarily just to be difficult. Well, it might have been somewhat for the purpose of being difficult - but that was just her nature.

"I'm never going to see my own child after that – can't you give me that time – those few minutes?"

"I'll talk to Cat – it's up to her," Jade answered. She turned and left the familiar coffee shop and returned to her black Lexus.

It had been five weeks since Cat had been under constant supervision, and it was getting on her nerves. She stalked around the house like a pissed off hummingbird, whirring at high speeds and constantly circling, trying to find a refreshingly alone place to be. There was no such place.

She was angry one day, playful the next. Sad, then happy. Anxious about the baby, clueless that it was going to happen at all. The cycle was exhausting for her, for Jade, and for the two nurses that had been hired to watch her. Jade didn't know how much of it was the change in medication and how much was the actual disease under the drugs.

On good days, Cat would work on her portfolio, creating costuming ideas for the studio that had produced her last few movies. They understood she couldn't film, but were happy to have her costuming input when her agent, after encouragement from Jade, suggested it. She had done plans for three different scripts and had received word that at least two of the costuming plans were being used. On bad days, she wasn't allowed out of the room for fear she would hurt herself – or someone else.

On a Saturday, a full five weeks after the nurses had been hired; Cat was having a good day. Jade decided to take the opportunity to have a day out with her. Tori agreed to watch Violet since Beck was working through the weekend to finish his current film.

Cat skipped happily down the stairs, her black boots light against the solid wooden boards. She was wearing a loose pink blouse and darker pink sweater over blank pants. It had been her first trip out of the house – other than forays into the yard – in more than a week. Jade followed close behind, her black bag heavy in her hand. She shrugged a smooth leather jacket over her purple sweater and black jeans before kissing Violet, who had appeared in the foyer to see them off.

"Be good for Aunt Tori."

"I'm always good," Violet answered with a smile. Jade smiled back and waved playfully before walking to her car with her best friend. They had a nice day. They went to a movie that Cat chose, to a new restaurant that Jade chose, spent a few hours shopping, and then ended the day with ice cream. That always made Cat happy.

When they returned home, Cat trotted up the back stairs to her room, where Jade had confirmed Dianna was already waiting. As she closed the kitchen door, Jade set down her bags and called out – "Violet? Tori?"

"We're in the living room, Mommy," Violet called back. Jade walked from the kitchen into the dining room and then into the living room. She stopped dead in the doorway. Her daughter was sitting at the coffee table, working intently to help Tori build a puzzle depicting a bunch of puppies. A gift from Cat. Violet's head was tilted to the side, her eyes squinted, her lip trapped lightly between her teeth as she concentrated on fitting together a corner. Tori was sitting next to her, encouraging her decision on the pieces without making the fit for her. That was fine; that was normal. The other two people in the room did not belong there; it was not normal.

Jade's blood slowed in her veins and suddenly she felt cold; nauseous. But she couldn't allow this to continue. She lurched forward into Tori's view. "Tori, please take Violet upstairs." It was a phrased as a request, but her tone of voice clearly indicated that it was a demand.

Both brunettes looked up at her in surprise. Tori's brow wrinkled with worry, Violet's blue eyes registering shock. Her mother always said hello to her. But this was not hello. This was "go away."

"Mommy, we're building—"

"Violet, upstairs, now," Jade said sharply, causing the preschooler to latch immediately onto Tori, who was in the process of standing from her place at the coffee table. She hefted the child onto her hip and walked with her out of the room and up the stairs. Jade could hear her trying to softly comfort Violet – to explain that her mother wasn't mad at her.

Once they were out of sight, Jade counted the steps to Violet's room. She waited sixty seconds to be sure they were inside a room. She turned sharply to face the two figures sitting motionlessly on one of her living room sofas. A sofa she had liked – and would now be forced to destroy due to bad karma.

"Get the hell out of my house before I call the police," she said, her voice sharp and fierce, if not loud. Camilla West stood from the sofa and eyed her daughter from an equal height.

"For god's sake, Jade. It's been ten years."

"One thousand wouldn't be enough," Jade told her. "Get out." She turned to look at the man accompanying her mother. "And you – come near my daughter ever again, and I will castrate you with my bare hands." John laughed but Jade could see he was uncomfortable.

"Well, princess, you certainly haven't gotten any nicer," he said, mocking her. "But that little girl of yours – she's a sweetheart."

Jade seethed. "You don't get to look at her – ever again," she told him scathingly. "You're both unwelcome here – you need to leave." Her mother walked up to her and put a hand under Jade's chin, holding her face up so that their eyes met.

"You have no right to be angry with me," Camilla told her. "I am your mother and I deserve some respect."

"You are a cold-hearted, soulless bitch and you deserve to burn in hell for eternity. Not respect," Jade spat. The sound of flesh-on-flesh rang throughout the room. It was not a sound that house had ever heard, but Jade knew it well. Her cheek burned from the harsh slap and a small trickle of blood was forming where her mother's emerald ring had cut her.

Her hand fell to her pocket and retrieved the cell phone that rested against her hip. "That will be the last time you touch me," Jade told her darkly. Now, both of you, out." She dialed the first 9 – then a 1. Her mother and John backed away and eventually reached the door. Once they were outside, she locked the door behind them and watched them walk calmly to the blue sedan parked in a neighbor's drive.

She cleared her phone and called Beck immediately, begging him to get home as soon as possible. When he didn't answer, she texted his director and told him to have Beck check his phone. She rarely reached out to Beck while he was filming – they would forgive an emergency.

She was shaking. The fact that this was happening seemed impossible. Over ten years. It had been over ten years since she'd seen her mother – even longer since she'd seen her mother's long-time pig of a paramour. She had worked so hard to put her past where it belonged – in her past. How had this happened? Why was her mother showing up out of the blue? How in the hell had she gotten past the gates that sat at the front of the neighborhood?

She called the guard at the gate and explained the situation, described the vehicle and her mother, and asked them to keep an eye out and not let her back into the gated community. Walking around the first floor, she checked every door and window lock until she was certain everything was solidly protected. She set the alarm and texted Beck to let him know he needed to disarm it before entering. Tori was leaving Violet's room quietly when Jade appeared in the hallway. "She just cried herself to sleep," Tori told her, somewhat angrily. "What has gotten into you? I know you don't like your parents—"

Jade pulled her into the master bedroom and shut the door to the hall.

"Never let those people into this house – or anywhere within viewing distance of my daughter," Jade said, her voice cold and sharp. Tori barely recognized her.

"What is going on? Why are you so upset?"

"They are dangerous people, Tori. I don't want them anywhere near Violet. If you see them, you call the police. Do you understand?"

"No," Tori said wearily. "I really don't. Tell me what's going on. I don't understand where this is coming from." She looked up as Beck walked through the door, his expression stormy and concerned.

Jade knew he'd probably broken a million laws getting home so quickly, but she didn't care. She launched herself into his arms. It was only then that she realized she was shaking, heavily. Beck picked her up bridal style and carried her to the bed, sitting on the edge and pulling her close in his lap. "Everything is going to be fine," he promised her in a whisper.

Tori was upset; Beck could see it from across the room. She saw Jade's reaction and the pieces were sliding into place. "You have never said anything about not letting your mother in the house –" she said tearfully, apologetically. "I knew you didn't like her—"

"She's dangerous," Beck told Tori softly. "But you couldn't have known that."

"We should have told you," Jade said, biting her lip as she moved off of Beck's lap and sat next to him. "She was abusive and cruel and he was – a monster. I never had any intention that they would ever, ever meet Violet. I never planned to see them again myself."

"I'm sorry," Tori said softly.

"It's not your fault," Beck told her sternly.

"It's not," Jade agreed. "I'm sorry I got so angry – I just see stars when it comes to them." It took a long time for Jade and Tori to settle down. The latter took one of her anxiety pills and went straight to bed after she was sure Jade wasn't angry with her. Jade left Beck in charge of dinner and went for a walk to clear her head. Beck ordered a pizza and checked on Cat. She hadn't heard a bit of what had happened on the lower two floors.

"Everything okay?" He asked, poking his head into Cat's sitting room. She was curled on the sofa, watching Finding Nemo.

"Hi Beck," she said neutrally. Dianna was sitting in the corner of the room, reading a book. She looked up and smiled slightly and gave him a tiny nod; it meant everything was fine. He was relieved; at least one person in the house wasn't upset. It was a start.

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Thanks for reading! Please review. Did the return surprise you?


	12. A Deep Ocean of Secrets

Sorry for the wait - these next few chapters were difficult to put together - but I think they work. I hope you enjoy this next chapter:

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Chapter 11 – A Deep Ocean of Secrets

_A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets.  
_~ Gloria Stuart

When Jade returned from her walk, she checked in on Tori. The brunette had fallen asleep and looked to be out for the night. Closing the door quietly, Jade walked across the hall to her daughter's room and sat in the overstuffed glider near her bed. She knew it was too early for bed time and that Violet would be awake soon enough. Then she would be tasked with explaining her behavior earlier that day. It was almost two hours later that Violet rolled over and her eyes fluttered open. "Mommy?"

"Hey, baby girl," she said softly.

"Are you still angry?" Violet asked, her eyes clearly saddened. Jade's heart broke. She crawled into the bed and pulled her daughter into her lap.

"I'm sorry," Jade told her. "I wasn't angry with you – and I'm sorry I sent you away. I was upset – but I shouldn't have yelled."

"Why were you upset?"

"I can't explain it right now – but those people are not nice people."

"The lady said she's your Mommy."

"She is," Jade told her. "But she wasn't a good Mom. And she's not a nice person. If you see her again, I want you to tell me or Daddy right away. Do you understand?" Violet nodded. Jade looked at her daughter and bit the inside of her lip, wishing this conversation wasn't happening.

"I want you to listen to me very carefully," Jade told her. Violet looked up at her, waiting. "That man who was with her – did you get a good look at him?" Violet nodded.

"If you ever see him again, you stay away from him. You go to the nearest adult and tell them. Do you understand?"

"Is he a bad man?"

"He is a very bad man," Jade told her.

"Why were they here?"

"I don't know," Jade admitted. "But they won't be back. I don't want you to worry about it." She paused briefly and changed the subject. "Are you hungry? I think Daddy ordered pizza for dinner." Violet smiled and nodded excitedly; it was her favorite. The rest of the night was quiet. Jade tried to keep the two intruders from her mind as they ate dinner and she prepared her daughter for bed. Once Violet was asleep for the night, Jade's panic set back in. She paced her office, trying to decide what to do. They couldn't call the police – John and Camilla hadn't actually done anything illegal on that particular day. What did they want? The not-knowing was killing her. What would make them resurface after all that time had passed? After hours of watching her torture herself with questions she couldn't possibly answer, Beck carried her to bed. She slept for barely three hours before being woken by a nightmare.

First thing in the morning, she called their lawyer. Addie Fisher was the type who didn't mind showing up early on a Sunday morning. That was good, because Jade expected it. She arrived shortly after Andre and his newest love interest took Violet to the zoo for the day. Although she wasn't always impressed with his choices in the dating arena, Jade trusted Andre with Violet – and as much as the separation physically and emotionally pained her, she needed her daughter out of the house so she didn't overhear anything.

Addie sat at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of coffee and listening as Jade and Tori explained what had happened the day before. She listened without comment. Once they were finished, she weighed her words carefully. "They didn't break any laws," she said, finally. "They didn't force their way in, they were invited."

"Sorry," Tori said meekly.

"It's not your fault," Beck assured her. Jade was focused on the lawyer.

"What does that mean?" Jade asked. "Isn't there anything we can do?"

"You can request a restraining order, but since they didn't threaten anyone or force their way onto the property, the likelihood of it being granted is slim." She paused and waited for that news to sink in. "My suggestion would be to see what happens. You've told them they are not come back here or to go near Violet – if they do either, we can seek a restraining order and we'll have a far better chance of getting one."

"How is a piece of paper going to keep them away?" Jade asked wearily.

"If they violate the restraining order, they go to jail."

"It's better than nothing," Beck told her softly, his hand resting on her shoulder and rubbing it gently.

"It's not enough," Jade responded, standing from her spot at the table and walking from the room. She was exhausted. She's slept a few hours the night before but the time hadn't given her any real rest. Despite it not being enough, waiting was all they could do. Jade worried constantly, but life continued mostly as normal.

Later that week, Jade was surprised when Tori showed up at the door to her office. It was after eleven and everyone else in the house was sleeping. Few people ventured to Jade's office without being invited. But Tori had never followed the rules when it came to Jade – or life in general.

Hearing the knock at the door, Jade swiveled absently in her chair, expecting her husband. She saw Tori and her expression tensed. She minimized the window on her computer and removed her glasses, setting them on the desk. "What's up?"

Tori handed her a flash drive like it was poisonous. Jade looked at it, her eyebrows raised. "What is this?"

"I've been working on them – they're probably not even any good. But they might be. I don't know anymore."

"Songs?" Jade asked, realization dawning. She hadn't caught wind of Tori composing – not once. Tori nodded.

"You can give them to someone at the label. If they don't like them – I don't really want to hear about it again. It's probably not what they're looking for."

"I would be surprised if that were the case," Jade told her. She wasn't being nice, only truthful. Tori's sound had always been what the record labels were looking for. That wasn't likely to have changed in a few years. "I'll get them to my producer. I'll let you know when I hear back."

"Only if it's good news," Tori added.

"Okay," Jade agreed with a weak smile. "Only if it's good news." Tori was almost out the door but she turned and looked back at Jade.

"What happened with your parents?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Jade answered simply. Tori nodded and left without another word. Jade knew she was hurt by the words, but there was nothing she could tell – not then.

When the house phone rang the next morning, Jade knew something was off. No one called them on the house phone. They had a land line because it was inexpensive and a good backup for emergencies. But they never received calls on the line. Jade looked curiously at the caller ID – it was blocked. She picked up the phone.

"Oliver Residence," she said.

"Jade, I want to talk to you," the familiar voice said quickly.

"Mother, I have nothing to say to you – and nothing I care to hear from you. Do not come over, do not call."

"I want to talk about – "

"I don't care," Jade interrupted, hitting the off button and slamming the phone back into the base. Violet, who was walking through the room at that moment and heard the anger in her mother's voice, looked up at her in surprise.

"Sorry," Jade told her apologetically. "It was a salesperson."

Violet hugged her. Jade knelt to wrap her own arms around her daughter. "I'm so lucky to have you," Jade told her softly. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Mommy."

"Are you all ready for school?" Violet nodded in answer.

Later the same day, Jade took Cat to her doctor's appointment. She was at the point in her pregnancy where she went in for appointments every two weeks, but she still pretended in her own little world that nothing out of the ordinary was occurring. When she got sick, she lamented over whatever she had eaten earlier that day. Most days, she completely ignored her expanding waistline. After consulting with Cat's doctor, Jade had decided to allow her to live in whatever realm of disbelieve she chose. It would be over soon enough. Why force her to constantly acknowledge a baby she wasn't going to keep?

Cat was unusually quiet as they drove away from the appointment and toward her favorite restaurant for lunch. Jade didn't get to spend much time with her – so she tried to fit in little moments whenever she could. They were seated at a booth in the corner and had ordered their food when Cat finally spoke. "Why did your mom show up the other day?"

"You knew she was there?"

"I'm not stupid," Cat said testily.

"I didn't say you were," Jade responded. "I just didn't know if you could hear from the third floor."

"I saw her leaving. I thought you would tell me." She was hurt. She knew Jade was keeping something from her.

Jade shook her head and shot Cat an apologetic look. "Cat, I wasn't trying to keep it from you. I just didn't want you to worry. She showed up – but she won't be back."

"Are you okay?" Cat asked quietly.

Jade nodded. "I'm okay. I just don't know what brought her back."

"You can't let her near Violet," Cat said softly.

"I know," Jade answered.

"You should tell Tori."

"I should tell Tori what?"

Cat shrugged. "About your mom. She worries. She knows something is wrong. You can't keep it a secret anymore."

"I can keep whatever secrets I want," Jade told her sharply. "Tori doesn't need to know – and you don't know nearly what you think you do." Cat shrugged again; she knew enough - she always had.

After pausing to calm herself, Jade paused and looked at Cat, who was holding her lemonade with both hands and sipping tentatively from the frosty glass. "How are you doing?" Cat shrugged her small shoulders, not giving the question much credence. Her nurses asked her that every day and she knew exactly what answers to give – and she knew the answers were getting back to Jade. So why repeat herself? "Cat," Jade said, in the tone that clearly indicated she wanted an answer.

"I miss Robbie," Cat said in a small voice. "And I miss making movies – and I miss my old clothes." She tugged unhappily at the edge of her current dress. It was cream colored with an array of bright blue flowers and a matching blue sweater. Jade didn't see it as much different than her normal wardrobe, but Cat didn't like them. She had a feeling anything attributed to the change pregnancy had brought about was being cast in an unpleasant light for Cat.

Jade bit her lip. They were silent as the waitress set their lunches in front of them and asked if they needed anything else. Jade said no, thanked her, and she left. The brunette turned back to her best friend. "Cat, I know you miss work. You can go back in a few months – after the baby is born and you get back on the right medications."

"What about Robbie?"

"You can see Robbie again after the baby is born – but no more sleeping with him." Cat made a face.

"I didn't want to after the first time. Why do people do that?" Jade shook her head.

"I can't explain it. It's not the same for everyone. Eat your lunch."

"Bossy," Cat mumbled, her lips closing completely when Jade's glare challenged her to repeat herself. The talked about light things for the rest of the meal – Jade told Cat about the things Violet was doing in school and about scripts she had been reading for Beck. By the end of the meal, the petite redhead had forgotten that the conversation had ever been serious.

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Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to review!


	13. Silence

Chapter 12 – Silence

_Silence is medication for sorrow._

~Arab Proverb

After Violet's last run-in at school, Jade had begun to leave her phone on during recording sessions. It annoyed the people in the studio to no end, but that was not something she cared much about. She was in the last sixteen bars of a song when her phone rang, causing everyone in the studio to groan. "Shut up," she snapped. She looked at her phone and answered it immediately.

It was Violet's school and with only a few words, Jade was out the door. She was certain he'd broken many laws to do it, but Beck met her there. He stepped out of his SUV and she saw that he was still in full makeup. "Well, you'll give the secretaries something to talk about," Jade told him, wrapping her arms around his middle. "I can't believe she showed up here."

"At least the school called," he said, dropping a kiss on top of her loosely curled brown locks.

"I called them last week and told them to watch for Camilla and John," Jade told him. "But when she called, the principal said that the teachers didn't notice – it was Violet who told her teacher."

Their daughter was sitting in the principal's office, reading a book. The principal was sitting at her desk, writing what was clearly an incident report.

"Mama!" Violet jumped up at the sight of Jade and jumped into her arms. Jade picked her up, holding the child close. "I did what you told me," she said softly, into Jade's ear.

"You did good, baby girl," Jade promised. "You did just the right thing. Are you okay?" Violet nodded against Jade's chest.

"We called the police," the principal said as soon as she closed her door. "They went in pursuit of your mother but were not able to find her."

"I can give you her address," Jade said sharply. She shook her head in disgust and hugged Violet closer.

"The officer will be back here any minute to speak with you," the principal answered. "You're welcome to use my conference room. Perhaps Violet would be happier back in class for the time being—" Beck saw the daggers Jade was about to glare and stepped between her and the principal.

"Once the officer gets here, that's probably a good idea," Beck agreed. "But for now, let's just take a minute and try to calm down." Jade sat in a nearby chair, pulling Violet squarely into her lap and continuing to hold her.

Violet wasn't upset – not really. But she could sense tension in her mother, so she didn't argue or fidget. The police officer arrived within a few minutes. Jade kissed Violet's temple and set her on her feet. "Can you go back to class for a little while? We'll go home soon." Violet nodded and took the principal's hand as the older woman walked her back to her classroom.

The officer introduced himself and led Jade and Beck into the school's conference room. "My mother and her boyfriend showed up at our home two weeks ago," Jade told him, giving him the exact date and time. "I told her not to come near us – or Violet – again. I want a restraining order."

The policeman nodded. "She's certainly not allowed to approach any of the children on school grounds – that should be enough to get the restraining order against her. Can you tell me about your relationship with your mother?"

"No," Jade told him starkly. "Just get the order."

"Mrs. West—"

"Jade, you need to tell him," Beck said finally, after the room was filled with a hard, tangible silence.

"My mother was abusive," Jade told him sharply. "She was emotionally and physically abusive throughout my childhood. Her boyfriend sexually assaulted me for years until my dad took me away from them when I was thirteen. I never pressed charges or filed any complaints – there are no records. But she was a monster – and he was a monster. And they can't be allowed anywhere near my daughter."

"I'm sorry," the officer said thickly.

"Just don't let them near my daughter," Jade told him. "Get the restraining order."

He nodded and stood to leave the room. He shook Beck's hand – Jade wouldn't even look at him – and left the room. Beck scooted the conference chair closer to his wife and took her hands in his. "Jade, we need to talk about this – it's not going to go away just because you want it to. Something's going on – we need to be ready."

'I'm fine," she told him angrily. "Leave me alone." She stood quickly, breaking from his hold, and picked up her purse. "Call Addie and make sure the restraining order goes through. Take Violet home. I'll be home later."

"Where are you going?"

"Out," she said shortly, leaving before he could argue. She drove away from the city until the fuel indicator light blinked. Groaning, she pulled into the next gas station, made a quick purchase, and filled her tank. She sat in her car for a long time, staring into the landscape. Eventually, she turned around and headed home. She knew she was causing unnecessary drama by leaving. But she'd needed the space. She still needed it. She was terrified and tired and frightened. But it didn't matter; all that mattered was protecting her family.

Beck had covered for her – no one knew she had done anything reckless or unplanned. They all thought she was running errands and both Violet and Tori greeted her with little worry when she walked into the kitchen. Beck hugged her and held her for several moments longer than was normal – but that was the only indication that anything was off.

"I'm sorry," she whispered softly into his ear.

"I understand," he answered just as quietly. Cat joined them and they sat down for dinner. In Jade's absence, Tori had made her mother's family pot pie – the one she had always loved as a child.

"You didn't invite Andre?" Jade asked, smirking at Tori. She knew the story; Andre had once eaten an entire pot pie – one that had been intended for the whole family.

"Andre is not allowed to have family pot pie," Tori answered, glaring a bit at Jade. "You know that." Jade smiled in response. They chattered on about trivial things. No one mentioned Camilla's impromptu appearance at Violet's school.

That night, after the rest of the house was quiet, Jade sat quietly in a bubble bath. She stared at the item sitting on the bathroom counter, not quite sure what to do with it. The water had turned cold, her fingers resembling raisins, when Beck knocked on the door.

"Jade?"

"What?" She snapped angrily.

"Everything okay?"

"Just peachy," she answered sarcastically. He didn't answer, but the doorknob started to turn. "Beck! Stay out!" But he was in the large bathroom before her full protests were given. He leaned against the counter, peering at her with a bit of worry in his expression.

"I know you're upset – but we need to talk about all of this."

"I'm taking a bath," Jade told him. "Get out."

"That water can't be warm anymore," he told her.

"That's not your business," she snarled. "Out."

"Jade—"

"Beck, go!" she yelled, full force. He grimaced but realized he was up against a brick wall. He turned to leave and his hand skimmed it. She closed her eyes and waited for him to realize what it was. He looked down and turned immediately to her.

"Jade?" He moved across the room and sat in front of the tub, their proximity close. "How long have you known?"

"I just realized this morning," Jade told him softly. "I wouldn't keep that from you." She paused. "But I didn't know how to tell you – hence the cold as hell-freezing-over bathwater." Beck chuckled and tucked a curl of brunette hair behind her ear.

He stood and pulled a towel from a nearby hook, holding it out for her. "Come on." She stood and allowed him to lift her from the bathtub and into his arms. He dried her off and she changed into a pair of pajamas and crawled under the covers in their bed. He climbed in behind her, wrapping his arms securely around her lithe frame. "It's going to be okay," he promised.

"I don't see how," she answered stubbornly.

"It will be." It was the last of the conversation for the night. Jade fell into an exhausted sleep and Beck slept soundly beside her, his hand resting protectively against her flat abdomen.

When she woke later that night, it was to the sound of screaming. She knew she'd been catapulted from a deep sleep because she was shaking heavily as she ran up the stairs. She appeared in Cat's room before Dianna could alert her that something was wrong. The main light in the bedroom had been thrown on and Cat was in bed, holding her stomach and screaming in pain.

"What happened?"

"I don't know," the nurse answered. "She was sleeping just a few moments ago. Would you like me to call an ambulance?" Jade tried to pull Cat's hands from her stomach, but the tiny woman was strong.

"Cat, calm down," Jade said softly. "Cat, it's Jade. I need you to tell me what's wrong."

"Make it stop," Cat cried, before another scream ripped through her clenched teeth. She was having contractions. Jade saw the muscles constricting in her back.

"Tell Beck to get the car," she told the nurse sharply. "She's in labor." It was more than two months too early. The woman left the room to do as she was asked. Beck was already on his way to Cat's room. Tori was behind him, looking distraught.

Jade sat on the edge of the bed carefully, not wanting to jostle Cat. "Cat, it's going to be okay." She continued with the reassuring promises, despite the fact that she knew she shouldn't be making them. Beck returned a few minutes later and carried Cat to the car; the petite woman was still screaming. Tori sat on the stairs, watching them go. She almost jumped when she felt a small hand on her shoulder.

"Aunt Tori?" Violet had watched the violent departure. Her eyes were wide and her cheeks coated with tears. Tori hugged her close, pulling the child into her lap.

"It's okay, kidd-o."

"What's wrong with Aunt Kitty?

"She's going to have the baby a little bit early," Tori told her. "The doctors will help her – she'll be okay."

"Why was she screaming?"

"Sometimes it hurts to have a baby."

"Why do people do it?"

Tori smiled gently. "Because it's worth it," she promised. "_And because it hurts just as badly not to_," she thought to herself. She made chamomile tea and they drank it at the kitchen table. Violet was yawning by that time and Tori carried her up to bed and tucked her under the covers. She was at the door when she heard the small voice reach out to her.

"Aunt Tori?"

"Yes, Violet?"

"Will you stay? Until Mommy and Daddy come home?"

"Of course," Tori answered. She sat in the glider next to Violet's bed and pulled a blanket over herself, willing sleep to take over but knowing it would never happen. Violet did eventually sleep but Tori remained awake, staring at her phone and waiting for news.

Dr. Brown was miraculously on call that night and met them at the emergency room. She had originally suggested Cat have a scheduled C-section because it would be less emotionally traumatic than a natural birth. Jade had agreed – but now that option was off the table.

"You need to make a decision," Dr. Brown told Jade after examining Cat.

"What?"

"The contractions have started – it's either vaginal delivery or an emergency caesarian. Waiting for a natural birth might be dangerous for the baby. But an emergency caesarian is risky for Cat."

"Is the baby okay right now?"

"I can't find her heartbeat," the doctor answered honestly. "I don't know at this point. What do you want me to do?" _Her_. Jade had never asked the gender. Now she knew. Cat would have a daughter.

The question was irrelevant to Jade; she wasn't going to risk Cat for anything. The redhead wouldn't understand the options if they were presented – so the decision was squarely Jade's.

"Don't risk Cat – no C-section."

The labor went quickly, but not quickly enough. Cat was in pain and it was too late for any sort of relief by way of drugs. An hour after their arrival at the hospital, the baby was crowning. Cat decided that was a great time to be stubborn and refuse to push any more.

"Cat, you have to push," Jade told her.

"I can't."

"Yes, you can," Jade ordered. She picked Cat up from the table and held her as she pushed into the next contraction. Cat screamed. The head was out. The shoulders were out. Within the next two pushes, the baby was born. But Jade knew something was wrong. There was no crying. The doctor was working fervently on the baby – but there was no sound. Other than Cat's cries and whimpers, no one in the room made a sound.

After five minutes that seemed like five years, Jade watched in horror as the doctor quietly, almost in a whisper – announced the baby's time of birth and time of death. They were the same. Jade hid her face against Cat's neck. The redhead was clueless as to what had happened.

"Can I hold the baby?"

"No, Cat," Jade told her softly.

"Why is she doing that?" Cat asked, watching as the nurse covered the baby completely in a blanket and carried it out of the room. "Where is she taking the baby?" Dr. Brown knocked her out with a sedative before Jade was forced to answer.

While Cat slept and the doctor finished delivering the afterbirth, Jade was forced to go into the waiting room to tell Beck – and Robbie – what had happened. Beck had called him as soon as they'd left for the hospital. Robbie stood immediately, eager to see the baby. One look at Jade's expression gave Beck immediate insight into the devastating truth.

"I'm sorry, Rob," Beck said softly. Jade's face contorted in pain as she tried to find the words – but they wouldn't come. She burst into tears and hid her face in Beck's chest, allowing him to take over. Robbie cried too. Finally, he understood.

Beck called his mom and it was Ella who went to the house to tell Tori. She too, cried – once Violet was at school and she was sure she had the house to herself. She sat silently in the living room, avoiding the piano. There was nothing to be happy about that day – nothing to compose or write, nothing to keep for posterity. It was a day they all wanted to forget – a day none of them ever would.

* * *

Sorry. Bit of a sad chapter. I hope it didn't depress anyone too much. Also, forgive any medical or legal mistakes - I try my best with the research, but neither is my forte - so I depend a bit on creative license.

Please leave a review and let me know your thoughts. Thanks for reading!


	14. Seeing Stars

Chapter 13 – Seeing Stars

_When it is dark enough, you can see the stars._

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

After the delivery, Robbie had insisted on seeing the baby. Despite everyone trying to talk him out of it, he was taken to the morgue and allowed to see his daughter. Jade remained in the maternity wing, waiting for Cat to be moved to a recovery room so she could be with her. Beck didn't want to go, but he worried about Robbie going alone, so he followed.

"Can I hold her?" Robbie asked shakily. The nurse nodded, gently picking up the bundle and handing her carefully to Robbie. He looked down into his arms. If her cheeks were just a bit more pink, or if he squinted his eyes just right, she could be sleeping. The knowledge that she wasn't crushed him; the weight of the moment encroached on his breathing. More tears fell in hard, rasping sobs. Beck watched wordlessly through the open doorway, wishing he were anywhere else.

Minutes passed. Ten, then fifteen. Finally, the nurse spoke softly to Robbie and took back the baby, setting her body gently back on the table. Beck stepped into the room long enough to pull Robbie from it but his eyes never skimmed low enough to look at that bundle; he couldn't look. He hugged one of his oldest friends, wordlessly offering support.

An hour later, after walking around outside and kicking rocks in an empty portion of the parking lot and spewing words of anger, frustration, and disbelief, Robbie was able to pull himself together enough to go back inside. They found Jade in Cat's private room, sitting at her bedside and holding her hand. The brunette's normally clear, brilliant blue eyes were glassy and bloodshot. She barely looked up as they entered. Beck's hand fell to her shoulder and Robbie walked past them to stand at the foot of the bed, watching Cat through residual tears.

"How is she?" He asked, his voice almost gone.

"Physically, she's fine," Jade told him in a voice barely above a whisper. She sounded nothing like herself. "They want to keep her in recovery for today and then, if everything looks okay, they'll move her to the psychiatric wing tomorrow and start her back on her normal medications."

"What's the timeline for getting her home?" Beck asked. He'd been around for several instances when Cat's medications had been changed – at least twice since high school. It was never a pleasant occurrence and always involved time under observation.

"Maybe two weeks," Jade answered. "It depends on how well she responds. Dr. Winters is worried about her hormones not evening out quickly enough. It might be longer."

"What are you going to tell her?" Robbie asked, voice cracked.

"The truth," Jade answered irritably. "Despite what you think of me, I don't lie. Not even to Cat – not even when I should."

"Don't start," Beck said, looking at both his wife and friend. "This is not the time to argue."

"I'm sorry," Robbie answered. Jade didn't respond. "I'm going to go – clear my head. I'll come back in the morning to see Cat." Jade and Beck nodded, watching him go. Beck clasped him on the shoulder one last time before he left, a silent showing of support.

"Jade, maybe we should—"

"I'm not leaving," she said firmly. "Don't start."

"I'll go get you actual clothes," he said. He'd pulled on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and a flannel before leaving the house. Jade was still in her pajamas. "I'll check on Violet and Tori, and then I'll be back. Do you need anything else from home?"

"Mr. Purple," Jade told him. "My PearBook – Cat's PearPad." He knelt in front of the chair, looking up at her.

"I'll do that," he told her, "if you move to the recliner and try to sleep a bit – at least until Cat wakes up." Jade didn't argue but she also didn't move, so he picked her up and moved her himself. There was a blanket on a shelf under the window seat and he covered her with it. He dropped a kiss on her lips and then her forehead.

"I'll be back soon." He arrived at home just as Tori and Violet were getting ready for the day. He had the fun job of explaining to his daughter why her mother wasn't home yet. He promised Aunt Kitty was going to be fine and her mom would be home soon, so eventually Violet accepted his words and allowed Tori to take her to school.

That day and the one that followed were difficult for Beck. He went to the hospital daily but was still putting in time on set and making it home to put Violet to bed and then to get her off to school in the morning. Tori dealt with everything in between.

When Cat woke, she knew where she was. It wasn't the maternity ward; it was the psychiatric ward. She let out a whimper. Jade squeezed her hand; her eyes fluttered open for a moment before she fell back into the web of sedatives and mood stabilizers.

The next day, she woke completely. Her eyes sprung open and she saw that Jade was still there – or there again – she wasn't sure. "Hi, Cat," she said softly. Cat tried to respond but her words were gone. They'd taken her words –she couldn't remember how to put them back together. She tried to sit up and couldn't; panic washed over her like an icy rain.

Jade's hands held her firmly to the bed and she tried to calm her, to explain what had happened, but Cat was beyond reason – beyond the realm of normal logic. Alerted by a monitor that was keeping track of her heart rate, a nurse entered the room and gave Cat another sedative. She was sleeping before she had to witness Jade reduced to tears.

The next day, Cat was finally coherent. "Jadey?" Jade sat up straighter, surprised to hear Cat's voice. She had been sleeping fitfully, her head resting on Cat's bed.

"Hey," she answered softly, reaching over to brush a red lock from Cat's forehead. "Have you been awake long?" Cat shook her head. She looked around curiously.

"How long have I been here?"

"A few days."

"Can I go home?"

"Not yet," Jade told her gently. Cat didn't like that she didn't continue that sentence; there was no promise of when. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth and Jade could see that she was trying to process what had happened; whatever she could remember of it. "Cat, you need to stay calm. Look at me." Cat did, brown eyes meeting blue. "You need to stay calm so they stop giving you drugs. Do not panic, alright? I'm not going anywhere." Cat nodded. Jade relaxed slightly; this was the most lucid she'd been since she'd delivered the baby.

Dr. Brown and Dr. Winters both stopped to check on her that afternoon. They both asked questions to see what Cat remembered. She remembered nothing of the birth. Jade didn't know if that was good or bad.

That night, Cat had enough. She'd been awake for almost eight hours and she was bored already. "I want to go home," she whimpered.

"I know, baby girl. You will," Jade promised. "But the doctors have to make sure your medications are working first."

"The voices aren't here," Cat promised.

"You're not always the best judge of that," Jade reminded her, tearfully. The hoped-for two week goal for getting her home seemed to be slipping through their fingers.

Violet was not doing well without Jade. It was what prompted Beck's earlier than usual arrival at the hospital five days after Cat had been admitted. He carried a bag for Jade containing fresh clothing and other necessities, but he was hoping she would go home. He knocked lightly on the door and she looked up from her position, hunched over the bed containing her sleeping best friend. Her eyes were bloodshot and she looked impossibly thinner after just a few days.

Jade stepped into the hallway and they embraced. He grimaced; she felt lighter too. "You need to go home and get some rest," he told her.

"I can't," she insisted. "I told Cat I wouldn't leave her." She paused. "I can't just leave her."

"Jade, you're making yourself sick," he argued. "It's not good for the baby. And Violet is a mess. She's never been without you for more than a few hours – and she hasn't seen you in five days. I've never seen her so upset." Jade twitched at that; he'd hit her exactly where he knew she might cave. "She wouldn't go to school yesterday or today. She's throwing tantrums – and I'm not enough. I want to be, but I'm not. She needs you to come home. If just for one night."

"I want to, but I can't," Jade said, trying desperately to explain herself.

"I will stay with Cat," he promised. "I'll be here if she wakes up – I can explain that you'll be right back."

"It's not that easy," she told him. Before he realized what was happening, she was sobbing into his chest. The sound was horrifying; she appeared absolutely broken. He held her close. She didn't notice that he was sending a text; she barely knew anything beyond the fact the he was there, holding her.

Ella Oliver arrived at the hospital an hour after receiving her son's texts. Jade was still in Beck's arms, but she'd stopped crying. She was silent and that scared him just as much. "Jade," he said softly, rubbing her back. She looked up at him. "Jade, my mom is here. She's going to sit with Cat until you can come back, okay?" Jade shook her head, trying to step out of his arms.

Ella stopped her; stood in front of her and grasped her chin, forcing their eyes to meet. "Jade, trust me. I'm not going to leave her. She'll be okay. You need to go home and rest. Please."

Finally, after Beck and his mother had both begged and pleaded, she agreed. Beck introduced his mother to Cat's nurse and asked her to allow Ella to stay in Jade's place. She did – and Ella was in the room sitting at Cat's bedside before Jade would agree to leave. Even then, Beck couldn't get her to budge of her own accord. He picked up her and carried her to his car.

When Jade woke the next morning, she knew she wasn't alone. But it wasn't a very familiar presence – not Beck or Tori. She opened her eyes to find Emily sitting across the room, in one of her overstuffed reading chairs. Jade groaned and rolled back over. "That's how I'm starting to feel when your husband calls," Emily told her.

"You could always not come," Jade told her.

"Eh," Emily answered. "I figure this could be a large part of my memoirs." Jade glared and Emily smiled back. Her expression grew immediately serious. "You're killing yourself."

"I am not," Jade answered, grumpily.

"Oh, yes, it's normal losing ten pounds in less than a week. And passing out for 36 hours in a go – nothing to worry about there," Emily said sarcastically.

"36 hours?" Jade sat up quickly, trying to ignore the dizziness that hit her; it didn't work. She almost fell over but managed to slide back into a prone position to keep herself from passing out completely.

"See?" Emily said, walking toward the bed and sitting on the edge. "That's not normal."

"Shut up," Jade hissed. "I've been asleep for 36 hours?"

"Passed out cold," Emily responded. "Your doctor has been here – your husband is beside himself. You're lucky Tori has the ability to not have her own nervous breakdown – because she's the only one keeping your daughter from seeing you like this."

"I can't listen to this," Jade said, pushing back the covers.

"Can't you?" Emily asked. "We've had this conversation before – but clearly it bears repeating; what good will you do anyone else if you don't take care of yourself?" She paused. "For example, let's say you do push past me right now and get out of bed. Will it be better for Violet if she sees you pass out in front of her? Will it help Cat if you land yourself in the hospital? And what about the baby?" Jade was silent. Beck had told her. Who else had he told?

"What do you want from me?" Jade demanded eventually, tears threatening to well.

"I want you to stop doing everything for everyone and admit that you need help," Emily said, sharply. She got angry when she was worried.

"Everything is spinning out of control," Jade said, her voice sounding broken and sad.

"That's because you're trying to control everything," Emily told her calmly. "And you simply can't."

She spent the rest of the day with Jade, annoying her into showering, dressing, and eating something. By dinner, Jade walked into the kitchen of her own free will and hugged her daughter, who almost cried with relief. Emily stayed for the meal, engaging Violet in discussions about school.

The psychologist was still there when the doorbell rang and the papers were served. For that, Beck was eternally grateful. His own hands were shaking as he read the first few paragraphs. He understood almost immediately what was happening. His world was officially falling apart.

* * *

Thanks so much for reading – please take a moment and let me know what you think.

Also, thank you to Blue Penguin Lightning for nominating _Try Again Tomorrow_ for the Topaz Awards. If you feel so inclined, please vote :-)


	15. What We Make It

Thank you so much for all of the reviews! I appreciate it greatly!

I am also very flattered to have had Try Again Tomorrow nominated for a Topaz Award (Best Character Centric). If you haven't yet, please go and vote :-)

* * *

Chapter 14 – What We Make It

_Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be._

~Grandma Moses

"Who was it?" Jade asked, looking at Beck as he walked back into the kitchen.

"Pizza guy for the neighbors," Beck told her easily. "He came to the wrong house." Jade knew he was lying, but she wasn't going to accuse him in front of Violet. She turned to her daughter.

"Go pick out your pajamas and a book – I'll be up in a few minutes to give you a bath."

"Bye Emily," Violet said sweetly.

"Goodnight, Violet," the woman said with a smile. The little girl hurried up the stairs and Jade turned to her husband.

Her cerulean eyes narrowed. "Why are you lying? Who was at the door?" Tori's head snapped up; she hadn't realized Beck was lying – but now she was curious.

"We will talk about it after Violet is asleep," Beck told her. "Not now. Please, trust me." Her stomach clenched; he was really worried about something. Beck didn't worry much; it wasn't his style. But she did trust him, so she nodded and followed Violet up the stairs.

Beck turned to Emily. "I know you're already going above and beyond – but can you stay? This is bad."

"Of course," she answered. She stood and began to help Tori clear the table.

Upstairs, Jade broke her preference and gave Violet a bath. The little girl, sensing her mother's nerves, was fairly passive and the bath was quick and without much splashing. Violet stood and Jade wrapped a towel around her and was about to lift her from the tub when she stopped herself.

"I can't pick you up," Jade told her, holding both of Violet's hands so she could step out of the tub herself.

"Why not?"

"I'm not feeling great," Jade told her. It wasn't a lie, not really. But it was also not the real reason she could no longer lift her four-year-old daughter. She helped Violet dress in a pair of purple pajamas strewn with tiny white polka dots. The little girl sat still while her mother dried and brushed her hair until it shone. Then Violet picked up the book she'd chosen and crawled under the covers of her bed. Jade sat beside her and accepted the book – it was _Bravo, Amelia Bedelia_. The clerk in the book store had told Jade that four was too young for a child to understand the hilarity of Amelia Bedelia taking everything literally. The clerk had been wrong; Violet adored Amelia Bedelia and her silly adventures.

Once the book was finished, Jade turned out the bedside lamp and moved to leave. Violet stopped her. "Mommy?"

"What is it, baby girl?"

"Can you stay?"

"Violet, it's time for bed. You don't need me to stay."

"I don't want you to leave again," the little girl said sadly.

Jade sat back on the bed and lay down next to her daughter so their eyes met. "Sweet heart, I'm never going to leave you," she promised. "I had to stay and take care of Aunt Kitty – and I might have to again at some point, but I will always come back to you. I love you so much – and I will never leave for longer than I have to. Do you understand?" Violet nodded.

"Close your eyes," Jade told her softly. Violet did and Jade sat up again and began to sing softly.

_Baby mine, don't you cry.  
Baby mine, dry your eyes.  
Rest your head close to my heart,  
never to part,  
baby of mine._

_Little one when you play,_  
_don't you mind what they say._  
_Let those eyes sparkle and shine,_  
_never a tear,_  
_baby of mine._

_If they knew sweet little you_  
_they'd end up loving you too._  
_All of those people who scold you_  
_what they'd give just for the right to hold you._

_From your head down to your toes,  
you're not much, goodness knows.  
But you're so precious to me,  
sweet as can be,  
baby of mine._

Violet was asleep by the last verse and Jade dropped a kiss on the top of her head before creeping quietly from the room. Beck, Tori, and Emily were waiting for her in the living room. Her stomach sank when she saw they weren't alone – Addie Fisher had arrived.

Jade sat next to her husband, looking wearily at him. "What's going on?"

"Your mother is trying to get visitation rights. She wants time with Violet."

"No," Jade said, her voice thick and angry. It bordered on one of the yells she's been infamous for in high school. Tori visibly flinched. Jade shook her head, hand rising to rub at her temple. She wanted to die but she mustered every bit of energy she had left and tried to hold herself together. "Can she really do this?" Her voice was pained.

Addie had already looked over the papers to ascertain their authenticity. She nodded, her expression just as pained. "Unfortunately, there is precedence in California. Grandparents are assured certain visitation rights. If you don't allow her eight hours a month, then she can take you to court."

"No," Jade said sternly. "She's not coming near my daughter - not for eight seconds." Addie nodded. She didn't know specifics, but she understood that when Jade made such a decree, it was her job to see that it happened that way.

"You need a valid reason to block the request," Addie told her. "I can file against this, but you need to tell me why."

Jade was silent. She was leaning forward, staring at her feet. Beck was gently rubbing her back. She heard his voice quietly prod her. "It's time, Jade. You need to say something." Addie had heard part of what Jade had said to the police, but not the whole thing. It needed to be repeated.

"Fine," Jade snapped, sitting up. She was painfully aware that Emily and Tori were in the room. She had been trying to hide her secrets from Emily for five years and from Tori for much longer. "My mother and John were abusive. My mother was physically and verbally abusive – John physically and sexually abusive. For years. If my father hadn't taken me away from them when I was thirteen, I probably would have died. They were violent and sociopathic – and they can't be allowed to touch my daughter."

Tori was aghast but remained silent, tears streaming to her eyes. She knew if she said anything she was likely to be excluded from the conversation, so she bit her tongue while her brain raced. Emily was only slightly shocked. She had been Jade's therapist on and off for five years; she knew there was something deep that Jade refused to talk about. It was an inevitability that it would come to light. Addie simply nodded; it was her job not to be surprised.

"I'm going to try to get this blocked. But there is a strong possibility that you will have to take this to the hearing and testify to the abuse you suffered as a child. Was the abuse documented?"

Jade shook her head miserably. "I just wanted to forget about it. I wouldn't let my dad even talk about filing charges."

Addie nodded again. "It won't be easy without documentation. They're going to try to rip your testimony apart and claim you're making it up to keep your mother away from Violet." She paused and continued gently. "Do you have any proof? Any pictures or accounts you kept yourself? Anyone who witnessed the abuse?"

"My father saw it," Jade said softly. She shook her head. "But I've been trying to call him since my mother reappeared last month. I don't know where he is."

"If you can give me his contact information, I'll see what I can do," Addie told her. "Is there anything else? Anything else that can prove what she did?"

Jade slowly removed her black sweater, leaving herself in black pants and a turquoise sleeveless blouse. She stood and turned from Addie and lifted the blouse, revealing her back. It was covered in scars from her mother's favorite pastime.

"It will help," Addie said softly. Jade pulled her sweater back on and hugged it around herself tightly, remaining silent as Beck asked more questions. His hand wrapped around hers, squeezing reassuringly as he spoke.

It was almost midnight when Addie stood to leave. "I'm going to set up a meeting with your mother's lawyer and try to find out as much information as I can. I'll call you as soon as I've met with them. Maybe a few well-placed threats can stop this before it gets any momentum."

Beck walked her to the door, leaving Jade with Emily and Tori. They all looked worse for the wear. "In five years, you haven't mentioned any of this – not once," Emily said in astonishment.

Jade shrugged her shoulders. Emily placed an orange bottle in her hand. Jade looked at it and didn't comment. "Take one and go to sleep," Emily told her. "There's nothing you can do in the next eight hours that would be more helpful than getting sleep."

Jade was too tired to argue. She took one of the pills and went to bed, leaving Tori shocked and silent in the living room. They hadn't looked at one another since Jade's revelations.

Tori received no answers that night before going to bed. The next morning, she was in the kitchen when Beck appeared. "Hey, Tori."

"Good morning. How's Jade?"

"Still sleeping," Beck said thankfully. "Can you go and check on Cat today? I don't want her to worry – Jade hasn't been there in a few days. My mom and Robbie have been taking turns, but I'm sure they both need a break."

Tori nodded. Beck had filled a bowl with fruit, made a piece of toast, and had loaded it all onto a tray to take up to their bedroom to his wife.

Violet was surprised when Tori woke her. "Where's Mommy?"

"She's not feeling well," Tori told Violet as she pulled a dress and sweater out of her closet. "But she'd okay – she just needs to rest."

"Can I see her?"

"When you get home from school," Tori promised. Violet frowned but obediently got dressed and ready for the day. Tori drove her to school and walked her into the building before stopping at a local gourmet cupcake shop. She had four red velvet cupcakes when she walked into the hospital and rode the elevator to Cat's floor.

Ella Oliver was playing "go fish" with the redhead. Cat squealed in excitement when she saw Tori. "Tori!"

"Hi, Cat," Tori said with a big smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Good," Cat answered happily. "I'm ready to go home."

"Soon, I'm sure," Tori agreed. She set the cupcakes on the table beside the bed and leaned down to hug Cat. "Hi, Ella," she said, moving to hug the other woman as well.

"It's good to see you, Tori," Ella said.

"You too," she answered with a smile. "I'm going to stay for a while. Do you want to go home?"

"I might just do that," Ella told her. "Robbie will be back this afternoon." She looked up at Cat. "I'll be back to see you tomorrow morning, sound good?" Cat nodded and bounced a bit against her pillows. Tori was relieved to see that, unlike Jade, Cat looked well. She spent the day amusing her dear friend. Disney movies, games, and silly conversations were in abundance. It gave her brain time to rest after spending the night wondering and worrying about the stories of abuse Jade had yet to share.

Tori left the hospital that afternoon after Robbie's arrival. Beck had picked up his daughter from school and she was in the living room, plunking keys on the piano. She knew she wasn't allowed to plunk. She was allowed to play – but not what she was currently doing. And no one was stopping her. Mostly because no one was paying attention to her. She didn't know what was up with the adults in her life, but she was both worried and annoyed at the lack of attention. Tori walked in the door and gave her a look. Violet removed her hands from the keys and looked back at her innocently.

"Why are you banging on the piano?" Tori asked, hanging her purse and jacket in the entry before walking into the living room. Her hands fell to her hips as she waited for an answer.

"No one will play with me," Violet told her, whining.

"You better not let your mother hear you whine," Tori told her. "Or bang on the piano." She closed the fall over the keys and peered down at the small girl. "How about this – I'm going to check with your mom and dad – and then we'll go to the park. It's a really pretty day." Violet nodded excitedly. "Go change into something that can get dirty," Tori told her. Violet disappeared up the stairs and Tori followed closely behind. She went up another flight and found Beck standing outside Jade's office, a grim look on his face.

She stepped into his view and he turned from the door, looking at her apologetically. "I'm taking Violet to the park," Tori told him. "When we get back, I'll make dinner. And after she goes to bed, I want answers. I think I deserve to know exactly what's going on around here."

Beck nodded, not daring to question her demand. She turned on her heel and headed back to the living room where Violet was waiting. They were almost at the door when the doorbell rang. She looked through the peephole. It was not Camilla or John.

Beck and Jade were both hurrying down the stairs, so she opened it. The woman on the other side was in a sharp designer suit with her hair in a perfect blonde coif. "Ms. Vega?"

"Yes?" Tori asked, her hand gripping Violet's a bit too tightly.

"I'm Madeline Rivers from RCA at Sony. I've tried to call Jade – I'm so glad I caught you. Is this a good time?"

"No," Tori said in surprise.

"Yes," Jade snapped from behind her. She walked up next to Tori and gestured for the woman to come inside. "Madeline, it's nice to see you again."

"You too. If this is a bad time—"

"I don't see a better one on the horizon," Jade told her with mock cheer. "Tori, this is Madeline Rivers. She's one of the top executives at RCA. She's the boss of my producer's boss," Jade told her, eyes a bit wide.

"We're going to the park," Violet said stubbornly to the strange woman, pulling on Tori's hand.

"We will," Tori promised her. She smiled weakly at the record executive. "I promised her we'd go to the park."

"Vi, I'll take you to the park," Jade told her quickly.

"No you won't," Violet answered irritably. "You've been upstairs in your office all day."

Beck swooped in and picked up his daughter, carrying her out of the room. "That's enough of that," he told her as they walked toward her bedroom.

"Sorry about that," Jade said swiftly. "It's been a difficult week."

"I can only imagine," Madeline said airily. "Michael had been trying to contact you for some time – and then I tried. And now I'm here." Jade started to apologize but the woman waved it away. "I don't really care as long as the records are made. But when he passed me those demos, I wanted to make sure we got an offer in first." Tori blanched. They couldn't possibly be talking about her songs. Could they?

Jade took her arm and practically dragged her into the kitchen, directing her to the table. "Madeline, please have a seat. Can I get you a cup of coffee? Tea?"

"Coffee would be lovely," the woman said, sitting across the table from Tori. Jade started a new pot and pulled three mugs from the cabinet, all the while keeping an eye on Tori. The other woman seemed stunned into silence.

"You like them?" She finally asked

"We love them," Madeline answered in a clipped tone. "I haven't seen Michael so excited since he discovered Jade's demos. Now, we'd like to offer you a deal for your first record—"

"Stop right there," Jade told her. She handed coffee to both woman and took her own from the counter before sitting next to Tori. "She doesn't have an agent yet and she's certainly not agreeing to any deals until she has one."

"I don't know—" Tori started to say, and then broke off. What in the hell was going on? She wanted to know if her songs were any good. She wasn't ready to record them and sing them live. She couldn't. She hadn't been on a stage in years.

"Once she has an agent, she can set up a meeting to hear your offer."

"We're interested in a summer tour—" Tori's mouth went dry. Jade shook her head.

"Too soon," Jade quipped.

"If I didn't think we could market it that quickly, it wouldn't be on the table," Madeline answered. "Michael's feeling very nostalgic. He wants Tori to open for you – and he wants Andre Harris along as well. He thinks – and I agree – that it will sell out immediately. Your fans have been waiting for you to start touring again – Michael says the album is almost ready. There were enough demo songs to create a whole first album for Tori – "

"Take a step back," Jade told her sharply. "I explained to Michael that this was a delicate situation. Tori will find an agent and she will contact you to set up a meeting. End of conversation." Within five minutes, the woman was gone and Tori was trying to remember how to breathe.

Jade returned from seeing Madeline out and sat next to Tori at the kitchen table. "Stop panicking," Jade told her. "You don't have to make any decision right now. But this is a good thing."

"Is it?"

"It is," Jade promised. "It's what should have happened years ago. You were always meant to be onstage. But you don't have to decide right now. We can talk about it later." They were silent for several minutes before Tori broke it to ask a question that had been bothering her since the night before.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Jade asked.

"About your parents," Tori said softly. "I understand why you didn't tell me when we were in high school – but when I was found – didn't you think that would help?

"It wasn't about you," Jade told her. "You had enough to worry about. There's never exactly a good time to bring up the fact that your life was a nightmare."

"But—"

"We'll talk about it later," Jade told her. "I promise. But not right now. Do you still want to take Violet to the park?" The rest of the day went by quickly. Jade and Tori both took Violet to the park, much to the child's delight. They were silent about the worries they each had and those they shared. The time for discussion would come – but this was a day to enjoy the best that their lives had to offer. Violet was definitely a large part of the best.

* * *

Sorry if there are any legal inconsistencies. Law is not my thing - so I'm sure I'm using a bit of creative license.

Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to review and share your thoughts.


	16. Wounds That Will Not Heal

About the legalities in this story: They're not correct. I'm not a lawyer and although I usually do a fair bit of research while writing, I have not spent a good deal of time researching the legalities of this storyline. Is it likely that Camilla would be able to bring this suit against Beck and Jade in the real world? Not at all. But, that is the beauty of fiction and creative license. So, I hope you enjoy despite the unlikeliness of the legal aspects.

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Chapter 15 – Wounds That Will Not Heal

"_Come into this wonderland_

_of wounds that will not heal." _

_~from "Breaking Silence" by Janis Ian_

Once Jade crawled into bed that night, Beck put aside his PearPad turned out the light, wrapping his arms around her. That was a bad sign. She knew from years of experience that when he stopped what he was doing on a dime, it was because he wanted to talk. One of the many things she loved about Beck was the fact that he almost never made her talk. What was so great about talking anyway? She certainly didn't see the allure in spilling your guts at every turn.

"Tell me what you're thinking," Beck said softly. She shifted in his arms, lying on her right side so they were facing one another in the darkness.

"Beck," she protested quietly.

"Please" he countered.

"I can't imagine a court in the world that would really allow my mother to have five minutes alone with a child. But I don't know why she's doing this now," she continued, her voice growing angry. "Damn her! Why couldn't she just leave us alone? I didn't think I would ever have to deal with her again."

"I'm not going to let them hurt you again," Beck promised, his hand rubbing gently along her back. He was quiet and she knew what he was going to say. She knew because she'd been thinking it since the order had arrived. "But you might have to tell the truth, Jade. If it means keeping her away from our daughter - our children."

"I know," she answered sullenly. "I know that."

"Tell me something," he prodded.

"What?" She asked, in disbelief.

"Tell me something they did that I don't know about," he prompted calmly. He felt anything but calm. When he thought about what they did to her - the things he did know about - it made his blood boil with uncharacteristic rage.

"No," she answered back angrily.

"Talking about it is supposed to make it better," he told her, placing a light kiss at the top of her head. "It takes away the power they had."

"When did you become an expert on the topic?"

"I read," he answered. She scoffed but he rolled over to grab his PearPad and handed it to her. She skimmed the library. _It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, Moving on After Childhood Sexual Abuse, Understanding Trauma, What Comes After._

"Why would you read these?" She asked, shocked. She hadn't seen Beck read on purpose since high school. Apparently he was sneaky about it.

"I worry about you," he answered. "Someone needs to."

"I'm fine," she answered, biting back the anger that wanted to unleash at his assumptions that she wasn't exactly that.

"I don't think you are," he answered.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I do. Tell me something," he prodded. "Just one thing." She was silent for a long time, thinking. Biting her lip, she tried to push past the darkest recesses of her mind into the place she usually refused to go. There was nothing. Nothing left to share.

She sat up and crawled from the bed. "I'm sorry," she said shakily. "I can't. I'm sorry." He tried to follow her but she turned back at the door and shook her head. "Please. Don't." She disappeared and he fell back on their bed, covering his face with his hands. He was trying to help. Clearly, that hadn't worked.

Jade crept quietly to the third floor to one of the guest bedrooms. It held very little but the closet was a large one where she kept her ball gowns. She locked the bedroom door behind her, fighting to breathe. Grabbing a pillow and the comforter from the bed in the center of the room, she dragged them into the closet and closed the doors behind her. Curling into herself, she waited for the tears to fall. They never did but eventually sleep took over, giving her a much-needed respite from her mind.

The next morning, Jade woke earlier than the rest of the house and hurriedly put the guest room back to rights. She hoped to jump into the shower and get to the kitchen, all the while avoiding Beck. The moment she opened the door, those hopes were dashed. Beck was sitting on the hall floor across from the door.

"How long have you been there?" She asked, guilt laced within her words because she knew the answer all too well.

"Five minutes less than you've been in there," he told her. "Come here." He patted the floor next to him.

"Beck- Please, just drop it—"

"Please, babe. Just give me a minute. Come here." She sighed and sat next to him, leaning into him as his arm wrapped around her shoulder. "I'm sorry I pushed you. I shouldn't have done that."

"I'm sorry I can't tell you more. I'm sorry I can't just let it all go and forget about it," she said, her voice more tired than sad.

"None of this is your fault," he told her firmly. "Don't forget that. None of it. Nothing that happened when you were little – and nothing that is happening now."

She nodded but she didn't believe him; she felt responsible for so much. The heaviness of her past and the hold it had over her present was a crushing, threatening burden. They sat together for a few more minutes before Beck stood and helped her off the floor and they returned to their bedroom.

Later that morning, after Violet was in school and a phone call had reassured her that Ella was still with Cat, Jade sat next to Tori at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of herbal tea. She hated herbal tea. It was a constant reminder that she wasn't allowed to have coffee. Tori drank her coffee and did not comment on Jade's choice of liquids. Beck sat at the head of the kitchen table, Jade to his left and Addie to his right. "I offered her the money," Addie told them. "I went as far as the cap you gave me and your mother refused to drop the suit. She says she doesn't want money - she wants to know her granddaughter."

"That can't possibly be true. She's up to something," Jade said with a heavy sigh. She'd hoped the money would be all the enticement her mother would need to drop the idea. She didn't know for a fact, but she'd often assumed that her father probably offered her mother money to get her to sign over her parental rights all those years before.

"She claims she never knew she had a granddaughter – until she saw Violet on the red carpet with you at the awards show."

"We have kept her out of the media," Beck admitted, but Jade shook her head; she knew there was more to the story. Her mother had no desire to be close to a child; she never had.

Addie was silent, clearly toying over an idea. She had something to say, but she was uncomfortable with whatever it happened to be. "And she's sick," she finally said. "She has stage four ovarian cancer –it has spread to most of her major organs. She has a very slight chance to survive. She's not even undergoing treatment - it's a waiting game."

"She's probably faking it," Jade snapped. Addie pushed a folder toward her.

"That folder contains test results and medical records that prove her claim. I double checked their validity – and they're real. If she's lucky, she has a year."

"A year she can spend alone," Jade said thickly. "No sickness changes what she did - and I'm not allowing her near my children." Tori's ears perked up and she smiled just the tiniest bit, but Beck saw it. Their secret was out.

Addie nodded, not noticing Jade's plural. "I understand - and we're not going to back down, but neither are they. She has nothing left to lose. I've tried for continuances to delay proceedings, but her lawyer is appealing for a speedy trial due to her health condition." They talked for another thirty minutes, deciding the next move and trying to find ways to stop Camilla before anyone had to go to court.

Once Addie had left to do her job, Jade poured more tea into a travel mug and picked up her purse. Beck was insistent that they talk over what Addie had told them, but Jade had no interest in the conversation.

"Jade, we need to talk," he said, following her out the kitchen door.

"I need to go and check on Cat. Talk to yourself," Jade told him, twirling around so quickly that her hair caught the breeze, blowing behind her as she jogged toward her car. She was starting the engine when the passenger door opened and Tori dropped into the seat next to her.

"Can I come?"

"Tori—"

"I'm not asking you to have a deep and meaningful conversation with me. I want to see Cat. And I need you to listen to me talk about this record deal."

Jade nodded once and Tori buckled her belt, setting her purse on the floor. She didn't know where to begin. "What do you think about it?"

"Tori, I don't have time to look down and see if I'm wearing a matching pair of shoes," Jade said wryly, "I really haven't through about the record deal yet." Tori glanced at Jade's feet – she was wearing the matching pair.

"Your shoes match," she responded quickly. "Think about it now and tell me what you think." Jade tapped her hands against the steering wheel at the stop sign and sighed.

"Tori, you've had a record deal coming since the moment you walked onto that stage during your first showcase at Hollywood Arts. You know I don't give out compliments easily – but if anyone deserves this chance, it's you."

Tori toyed with her bracelets. They were chunks of red glass and precious metals that day. They matched the red billowy top she'd paired with jeans and glistening red flats. Her mind whirled as she tugged at the pieces, noting with her touch the one bead that was rough instead of smooth. It was a defect; she found it every time she wore the set. It was a comforting anomaly.

Was she worried about performing? Absolutely. But it wasn't her faith in her voice that waivered. "I'm not talking about the music," Tori told her quietly, staring out the window as she spoke. Jade turned onto the highway, heading toward the hospital.

"I think it's too fast," Jade told her honestly, her voice without judgment or malice. "You've only been leaving the house for the past few months. I think – if you're ready to record, that's great – and you should do it. But unless you're 100% sure you're ready to perform, it might be a good idea to postpone releasing the record. Touring might be too much too soon."

Tori nodded, biting her lip as she thought. She didn't respond right away – she spent time stirring Jade's words with her own hopes and fears. "Cat wouldn't be able to travel by summer," she said thoughtfully as they pulled into the hospital parking lot.

"No," Jade answered, "not at all."

"I don't think I could do it by myself," Tori answered. Jade parked and shut off the car. She turned to Tori.

"I definitely can't tour this summer," she told her, answering the unspoken question that lingered in the air.

"When are you due?"

"June—" she said absently, before realizing what Tori was asking. "Damn it, Tori!" Jade cried, smacking her hand against the wheel. "How did you know this time?"

"You said children this morning," Tori told her. "And you never drink tea. Give me some credit." Jade shook her head as she exited the car and grabbed the bag she'd packed for Cat; the redhead was growing bored and Jade had brought a few things she hoped would distract her.

"Don't say anything," Jade told Tori as they walked together. "I'm not out of the first trimester – and after what happened to Cat – "

"I won't say anything," Tori promised. "But I don't think Cat is going to be upset. She was thrilled when you were expecting Violet. And I've spent a few days with her since – and she hasn't mentioned the baby."

"I don't know if that's really a good thing," Jade said quietly. They reached the psychiatric wing and Cat's room. Ella smiled and stood, hugging them both.

"I'm going to head out for a while," Ella told them. "Robbie should be here by five – if you need me back before tomorrow morning, let me know."

Cat was thrilled to see Jade. She hugged her and wouldn't let go until Tori offered her a piece of chocolate. She bounced lightly in the recliner and munched on her chocolate while Jade apologized for being away for a few days.

"It's okay," Cat promised. "I missed you. But Robbie and Ella have been here. Ella brought new movies," she said excitedly, pointing to a stack of DVD cases.

Jade asked her how she was feeling and Cat assured her she was fine. "Have you talked to Dr. Winters this week?" Cat nodded. "What did you talk about?"

Cat didn't answer right away, she concentrated on her nails, which were painted a bright pink. "Cat?" Jade prodded.

"She told me about the baby," Cat told her. "I didn't remember."

"I'm so sorry," Jade said softly, watching her best friend's expression.

"It's okay," Cat answered bravely. "She's in heaven. It's nicer there, I think."

"I'm bet it is," Jade answered, grasping Cat's hand and squeezing gently. Tori turned away from them, wiping at the tears that sprang to her eyes.

* * *

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter – please take a moment to review. Did you have a favorite part? Least favorite part? Anything you're hoping to know in the coming chapters?


	17. A Home, a Family, and a Blessing

I should be doing something fairly important that does not include posting this. But I couldn't focus, so I'm posting this. I hope you enjoy. Thank you for all who read and review – you help to inspire Your words, kindness, and support are amazing. Thank you for sticking with me through three stories (no worries, there's still quite a bit to go on this one). Thanks so much. Or, as I first learned to say in 7th grade: Vielen Dank! (Sorry, I'm apparently feeling nostalgic for German this evening).

* * *

Chapter 16 – A Home, a Family, and a Blessing

"_Having a place to go - is a home. _

_Having someone to love - is a family. _

_Having both - is a blessing". _

~Donna Hedges

"I can call off again," Beck told Jade the next morning, watching as she prepared a cup of herbal tea, a grimace on her lips.

"No," she told him irritably. "They're going to fire you – Golden Globe winner or not. You've already halted production for a week. Pretty soon the producers are going to fire you and then the tabloids are going to come sniffing."

"If you need me—"

"I always need you," Jade assured him, stepping closer and kissing him. She pulled away slightly. "But I'll be fine. I have a few errands to run this morning – I'm going to stop and see Cat – and then I'm hoping to take Violet to the zoo this afternoon."

Beck nodded and leaned down to kiss her again. "Call me if you need anything." She didn't have a chance to agree before Tori appeared in the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee. "'morning," Beck greeted her.

"Good morning," Tori answered.

"Hi," Jade answered. She turned to the other woman. "I have some errands to run before your appointment with Isabelle. Do you want to come early – or do you want to drive yourself?" It was never mentioned, but clearly understood, that Jade had an appointment at the same time with Emily. Those appointments were never acknowledged; it was silent agreement the two brunettes had made years before.

"I'll go with you," Tori answered. "Do we have time to stop at the University? My piano lessons start next week – I want to see where I'm going."

Jade nodded. She grabbed an apple and a knife and began cutting it into sections. "Beck, can you take Violet to school so we can leave soon? Will that make you late?"

"That will not make me late. I can do that," he agreed. He started up the stairs to wake his daughter and get her dressed for school. Jade and Tori were finishing their breakfasts when Violet bounded down the stairs and greeted them both with a brilliant smile and a cheerful "good morning."

She hugged Jade, who hugged her back close and kissed her temple. "How are you today?" She asked.

"Good," Violet said excitedly. "Daddy said we're going to the zoo!"

"After school," Jade reminded her. Violet nodded but Jade could still see she was exuberant. Sitting through four hours of preschool was going to be difficult. Beck shouldn't have mentioned it, but he was a doting father – he loved being the bearer of happy news, especially when it came to his daughter.

Jade and Tori left while Violet was eating. Jade gave Tori the keys and allowed her to drive to the University. They found the music building, parked, and walked in to find the practice room where Tori was scheduled to have her new lessons the following week. The room was empty, so they walked in and looked around. Jade played a short riff with her left hand and was happy to hear that the piano was properly tuned.

"I understand why you want to start coming to campus now before your class starts, but you already know how to play the piano," Jade told her, watching as Tori walked around the small room and looked at everything.

"I signed up for advanced piano lessons," Tori told her. "I'm okay with the piano, but there's always something else to learn." Jade nodded; she agreed. She waited until her friend was ready and they walked slowly back to the car. She could see what the other woman was doing; she was memorizing every step, every hallway, and every doorway. She needed to know her surroundings; it helped immensely to inhibit her panic attacks.

Once in the car, Jade started driving toward the hospital. She was right on time for her doctor's appointment and was able to walk in. Tori sat in the waiting room and pulled out her PearPad. Jade knew she was in for a lecture when Dr. Brown walked into the room.

"Well, I'm glad to see you awake," the doctor told her. "That's a relief." Jade remained silent. "Are you actually taking care of yourself now, or do I need to scare you into it?"

Although Jade had made mistakes at the beginning when she was worried about Cat, she had been attempting to take better care of herself. It wasn't easy. "No coffee, three meals a day, eight hours of sleep a night, and I haven't picked up anything that I can't lift with one hand. Violet is not happy."

"But I am," Dr. Brown answered with a smile. "Keep it up. Are you taking the vitamins I prescribed?"

"Yes."

"Any problems? Any pain?"

"No," Jade answered honestly. "But I'm a little surprised – I had a few days with nausea, but nothing like when I was pregnant with Violet."

"Every pregnancy is different," Dr. Brown assured her. "Some people suffer a lot from morning sickness, some don't get it at all."

"That would be a relief," Jade answered. The doctor started the exam, asking questions along the way. Once she was finished, she told Jade she wanted to do a Doppler sonogram.

"It might be too early to see much with a normal ultrasound, but we can get the heartbeat."

"Okay," Jade agreed. "But can you do something first?"

Tori was in the middle of a rousing game of Grumpy Gerbils (a game of which she apparently never grew tired) when a nurse opened the door to the waiting room and called out to her. "Ms. Vega, can you come with me?" Tori followed her to the exam room where Jade and Dr. Brown were waiting. She was worried, but that fell away when she saw that Jade was smiling.

"Do you want to hear the heartbeat?" She asked with a small smile. She already knew the answer.

"Yes!" Tori answered, sitting in a chair next to Jade and watching the doctor set up the equipment. Within minutes, the heartbeat could be heard throughout the room. "That's amazing," Tori said softly. Jade laughed happily at Tori's expression; she'd never been to any of Jade's appointments when she was pregnant with Violet. For the first time Jade discovered her pregnancy, she felt lightness, happiness, wrapping itself around her. This was not an issue to be dealt with; this was her child. She wanted this.

"Well," Dr. Brown said, "that is a nice, strong heartbeat. And everything looks fine. Keep taking care of yourself – and try to cut out as much stress as possible."

"It might be easier to help some local pigs learn how to fly," Jade told her sarcastically.

"Mind over matter," Dr. Brown told her. "Keep yourself calm – those are doctor's orders." Jade rolled her eyes but understood what the woman was saying; she needed to take care of this baby. Worrying constantly was not part of that. Within ten minutes, Tori and Jade were walking through the hospital to the wing where both Emily and Isabelle had offices. Jade had caved to pressure from Beck and Emily and made an appointment. She was even planning to keep it.

Tori disappeared into Isabelle's office and Jade walked into Emily's. The office assistant eyed her wearily; Jade was known for causing a ruckus. Over the years, she had barged into Emily's office on more than one occasion. This time, she sat patiently and waited to be called.

"You kept your appointment," Emily observed with a smile.

"Beck threatened to stop making coffee if I didn't," Jade told her. "And if I can't drink it, I at least need to smell it." Emily smiled.

"How are you doing, with the pregnancy?"

"Fine," Jade assured her. "I just had my first appointment with Dr. Brown – and heard the heartbeat. She said everything looks fine."

"That's wonderful. You look happy."

"I am," she said, softly. "I was worried about the timing – but it's still amazing. And I want another child. We both have for a while." She hesitated and Emily watched her expression fall.

"What were you just thinking about?"

"Cat."

"Your being pregnant has nothing to do with her loss. You can't make yourself feel guilty over things you can't control."

"If I had paid attention, if I had spent more time with her – "

"You know it doesn't work that way," Emily chided lightly. "She was on category D drugs during conception and for the first five months of her pregnancy. There was danger from the very beginning. You know that."

Jade nodded, staring blankly at her fingernails. She needed a manicure; badly. "I don't know how to tell her."

"Talk to her doctor. And then do what you've always done with Cat – be honest." They were silent for several minutes and Jade finally nodded. She did need to tell Cat. And she would. Eventually.

Finally, once it was clear that Jade had no intention of beginning a new line of conversation, Emily spoke. "I was waiting for you to bring this up, but clearly you aren't going to. "You found out your mother is dying. That is a big deal," she told her. "How are you feeling about that?"

"The idea that she won't be around much longer is the only thing keeping me from falling apart," Jade told her honestly. "She can't get to hell fast enough." She frowned slightly. "I'm pretty sure it makes me a bad person, but I look forward to dancing on her grave."

"She was never anything but horrible, from what you've mentioned so far. Although, I do think dancing on her grave may bring you into some bad karma. And it might be a bit tacky."

Jade's expression remained stoic and tense.

"She is your mother – you're allowed to be sad."

"I am not sad," Jade said sharply. "She never behaved like a mother. She certainly doesn't deserve my pity or sadness. The world is better off without her."

Emily studied her for a few minutes before speaking again. "This is your last chance to tell her exactly how you feel. These last few months aren't about making her feel better. You need to be sure you don't have any regrets. And never telling her how much she hurt you – that is something you might eventually regret."

"It wasn't a secret," Jade told her. "She knew what she was doing - she knew she was hurting me. Her goal was to hurt me as much as possible – bonus points to her ego when she left marks."

"I'm not talking about the physical damage," Emily answered. "This is your opportunity to confront her about how she made you feel. People who are abused don't have a voice; you never had a voice growing up in that house. You do now. And there's nothing she can do to take that away."

Jade was silent for a long time. She shook her head and closed her eyes, leaning back against the loveseat she inhabited. "I just want to forget about all of it. I don't want to see her ever again."

"To forget about it, you need to take away her power. To do that, you need to confront her." Jade shook her head. She had no intention of spending enough time with her mother to tell her exactly what she thought of her. Twenty minutes later, her appointment was over and she found Tori waiting for her in the hallway.

"How are you?" Jade asked her.

"Fine," Tori answered quickly. "You?"

"Fine." Three days a week, Tori would spend an hour reliving, reprocessing, and trying to find some peace with the torment she'd suffered. Jade – when she showed up at her sessions – would skillfully avoid Emily's pointed questions and occasionally complain about one thing or another, never actually touching on the shadows of her past.

Only occasionally, the two women talked. Well, Tori would talk and Jade would listen. Jade knew when Tori had some sort of breakthrough in her therapy. Tori knew nothing of Jade's issues.

They were silent as they walked toward the hall where Cat's room was located. Just before they reached her room, Dr. Winters intercepted Jade.

"I was hoping I'd catch you," the woman said cheerfully. "Do you have a minute?"

Jade looked at Tori. "Can you go and check on Cat? I'll be right in." Tori looked like she wanted to argue; she wanted to know what Cat's doctor was about to say. But she did as she was asked and disappeared into the redhead's room.

Dr. Winters walked toward the nearest waiting area and Jade followed. It was empty for the moment and the doctor sat down, indicating for Jade to do the same. "I'm thrilled with the progress Cat has made. The transition back to her pre-pregnancy drug regime seems to be going smoothly."

"That's wonderful," Jade said, both surprised and relieved to hear good news. "Can she go home soon? You had talked about moving her to a short-term treatment facility—"

"She's been under observation for almost two weeks with only a few minor setbacks. Barring any surprises over the next few days, I would be comfortable releasing her to go home on Sunday."

Jade's heart leapt; that was fantastic news. She was dreading the thought of telling Cat she was going to have to stay at an institution, even if it was only for a few weeks.

"I don't think 24-hour supervision is necessary, but I would still suggest daytime supervision, and I want to see her weekly to make certain the medicines are doing their jobs." Jade nodded. It wouldn't be an easy task, but she would make it happen. Cat did not like therapy. She abhorred anywhere she was expected to sit still. And paying attention to someone she wasn't interested in long enough to answer questions that she didn't care about? That wasn't really Cat's idea of a good – or even of a tolerable – time. But Jade knew she'd have to force her. The alternative was too scary.

"Thank you," she said finally, taking her leave and finding her way back to her best friend's room. She hid her excitement; telling Cat this early could be disastrous. If there happened to be a setback, she would be devastated.

"Hey, Cat," she said as she walked into the private hospital room. The redhead, who had been emphatically explaining something to Tori, jumped up and crossed the room, throwing her arms around Jade. Her friend allowed the hug and laughed. "Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"

"No!" Cat said excitedly. "Dr. Winters said I could get up."

"Okay," Jade relented. "But take it slow – not too much jumping yet." She walked with Cat over to the bed and they both sat on the edge, facing Tori in one of the uncomfortable waiting room style chairs. Cat started her story over, telling both Jade and Tori about another patient on the ward who had visited her that morning. Apparently he reminded her of her brother. That led to an hour-long story about something her brother had done when they were children. Jade sat back and listened, happy that Cat seemed to be returning to her normal self. If one of them was healing, maybe they all had a chance.

Just before lunch, Jade and Tori hugged Cat and told her how much they loved her – and left her in Ella's capable company. Violet was thrilled to see them both arriving to pick her up from school. She danced impatiently in the line of preschoolers and kindergarteners waiting for their caregivers to pick them up. Jade waved to Violet's teacher to gain her attention and the woman, in turn, excused the young girl. The child dashed across the small length of sidewalk and catapulted herself into Jade's arms.

"Are we still going to the zoo?"

"Not if you knock me over," Jade told her with a laugh. She moved to pick up her daughter but remembered at the last minute that she couldn't. Violet frowned but Tori stepped in and swept her off her feet, causing her to giggle and forget that her mother hadn't lifted her.

Once at the zoo, Violet picked up a zoo key and excitedly led them from exhibit to exhibit. Being a weekday toward the end of fall, it was fairly uncrowned and the animals were more active than usual. The polar bears were swimming, the lions prowling, and the peacocks walked the zoo paths, spreading their feathers and basking in the sun.

Tori and Jade chased Violet around the paths as she looked in on every animal and read ever placard and sign. By the time they reached the exit, she was still bouncing with excitement and the grownups were exhausted. But they were exhausted in the happiest of ways.

That night, after she made her rounds and checked on her friend and then her daughter, Jade walked into her bedroom. By the time she finished her nightly routine and changed into a dark purple nightgown, Beck was already in bed, watching a video on his PearPad. She crawled next to him in bed, leaned her head on his shoulder, and handed him a small flash drive. He looked at it strangely.

"What is this?" He asked.

"A surprise," Jade told him with a mischievous smile. "The good kind."

Beck kissed her and plugged the drive into the port on his tablet. He opened the file and grinned as the audio track began to play – the heartbeat Jade and Tori had heard earlier that day. "That's amazing," he said happily, his hand sliding to rest on her abdomen. "When did you get this?"

"I had an appointment with Dr. Brown this morning," Jade told him. "I know you were worried – but she said everything looks fine."

"I'm glad to hear it," he answered, kissing her again. She laughed as he pushed aside his PearPad and rolled her onto her back. He supported himself above her, deepening the kiss. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she returned the kiss with equal fervor.

"Go lock the door first," she said the next time she broke for air. They spent the night making love for the first time in weeks and then slept, soundly and dreamlessly, wrapped in each other's arms.


	18. You're Brave and You're Beautiful

Thanks so much to all who have been reading and reviewing – you're wonderful! I can't thank you enough for taking your time to read my story and share your thoughts.

Here is the next installment.

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Chapter 17 – You're Brave and You're Beautiful

"_Her mama wiped her tears and said,  
Baby, you're brave and you're beautiful"  
~from Fight Like a Girl_

By Bomshel

The next morning, Beck woke well before his alarm to find that his wife was awake in his arms, her clear blue eyes staring blankly into space. She was snuggled against his chest, her right hand slipped into his left and resting against his stomach.

"You looked a lot happier last night," Beck told her.

"My brain started working again," she told him.

"Still haven't found that pesky off switch?"

"Not yet."

"What are you thinking?" he asked, using his free hand to brush a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I think I have to talk to my mother," Jade told him.

His muscles tensed under her but he remained silent for a long time. "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"I think I don't have a choice. I didn't want her to be, but Emily was right – if I don't confront her now – I won't ever have the chance. And I need her to know that she didn't win. I need to look her in the eye and tell her that my life is good – even after everything she did to try and ruin it."

He rubbed her arm gently, thinking through her words. "If that's what you need, then I'll support you. But you're not going alone. I'll go with you this weekend."

"Beck, I really think—"

"That part is not negotiable," Beck told her sternly. She rolled her eyes at him and slipped from the bed, preparing for the day. She considered going without him. She didn't want him to be any part of this conversation; she didn't want him to know any more of her past than he already did. It was painful – and it was going to hurt him. And it was going to make him pity her – and that was unacceptable. But Beck didn't "lay down" many "laws." He never really asked her – or told her – to do anything. So, when he specifically told her she wasn't going alone, she knew she had to respect that.

The end of the week was busy. Tori met with several agents and eventually decided to go with Jade's current manager. Linley had been Jade's agent since her first album was cut. There had been someone who had helped her get that first record deal. But that person had been pushy and nosy, so Jade fired her. Jade liked Linley for her ability to do her job and – for the remainder of the time – stay out of the way.

When Jade returned home from the studio Thursday afternoon, she found that Violet was sitting in the living room, playing some game on her computer. The young mother placed a kiss on her daughter's head and walked into the kitchen to find Tori and Linley at the kitchen table, several documents spread between them. Jade raised her eyebrows and Tori laughed.

"I'm not making any decisions without you; we're just talking about preliminaries."

"You're allowed to do whatever you want," Jade reminded her evenly. "It's your career." She grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and peered for several minutes into the appliance, trying to decide what to do for dinner. "Have you called Madeline back yet?"

"No," Tori answered.

"Good, she's a bitch. If you decide to sign with RCA, you want to deal with John or Mike. Madeline is higher-up, but she's not a nice person."

"That's interesting for you to say," Tori teased her, referring to Jade's younger years. She had mellowed with age, but there was a time when she was absolutely terrifying. Now she was only moderately terrifying; and only to people who weren't in her immediate family.

"Trust me, I've seen her make grown men cry."

Linley played with her pen, listening to the other two women before speaking. "I called to get an idea of what they want to offer. Jade, they want you to headline a tour – and they want Tori to open for you."

"I'm aware," Jade responded, pulling several boneless chicken breasts from the freezer and plopping them into a sink full of cold water. "Madeline mentioned it. But it's not going to happen – not this coming summer. It's a possibility for next year, but not until then."

"So, you've heard Mike's idea about Andre and Cat joining you as well?" Jade nodded. She leaned against the counter.

"I know what they want. I'm not saying no – but they want it too quickly. It's not going to happen this year. But, I will consider it for the following summer. As for Andre, you'll have to ask him yourself. Cat can't do it this summer – but I think she'll be up for it by next."

Linley nodded; she was taking notes on her PearPad. "I'll call and set up a meeting with John or Mike – you pick," she said to Jade. She then turned to Tori. "But you need to have some idea of what you want and what you're willing to take."

Tori shook her head, reaching up to rub at the tension settling into the back of her neck. "I don't even know what that means. I haven't thought about the recording industry since high school."

"She's just talking about numbers," Jade told her. "We can talk about options. How about next week? Linley nodded and they settled on a date and time that she put into her calendar. After the manager was gone, Jade sat next to Tori. "You don't have to do this right now unless you want to. You're talented. It doesn't matter if you wait another year or another five – you will find a record label falling over itself to sign you."

"I want to try," Tori said finally. She had spent a lot of time mulling her options.

"Please don't push yourself too hard. Take it slow." Tori nodded; she knew Jade was right. Annoying as it sometimes was, she usually was right.

On Friday afternoon, Jade was in the studio when she received a call from Violet's school. It made her heart jump, but it was Violet's teacher on the phone and she immediately said – "Violet is fine, everything is fine."

"You can understand that your phone call would make me a little nervous," Jade told her. The teacher knew of Camilla's attempts to see her granddaughter on the playground – she knew there was something strenuous going on at home.

"I can't imagine what you're going through – and I'm sorry to bother you. Have you and Mr. Oliver given any thought to what we talked about – 2nd grade?"

"There has been a lot going on right now," Jade informed her. "I don't know if we want to put Violet through that kind of change – and the kids are going to be so much older. I don't know how comfortable I am with that."

"I understand," Ms. Kate answered. "I wanted to let you know that Violet has seemed a bit off all week. She hasn't been talking much, and today she cried when we were doing centers. I couldn't see an immediate reason and she wouldn't tell me why – I wanted you to know."

"Thank you, for calling me," Jade answered. "I'll talk to her." She hung up the phone, grabbed her bag, and told her producer she would see him next week. He sighed heavily; working with Jade West was not easy.

She arrived home within twenty minutes and found Tori standing in the kitchen, watching Violet in the back yard. She was sitting in the grass, pulling at it. For winter, it was a sunny day, so Jade couldn't complain that she was outside – but the fact that she was doing nothing was odd. "What's going on?" Jade asked, standing next to Tori.

Tori shook her head. "I have no idea. I was going to call you, but I figured you'd be home soon. I tried to take her to the botanical gardens after school – she didn't want to go. I offered a movie, she refused. We came home, I made lunch, she ate it – and now she's sitting in the back yard." Jade bit her lip and watched her daughter; she was picking at the grass, but that was all. Jade headed out the back door and Tori left them alone, going into the music room to practice the piano; she was a bit nervous about her upcoming lesson.

Jade sat next to Violet in the soft grass and remained silent. The little girl stopped picking at the emerald blades. She said nothing. It was a very stoic moment for a four year old. Jade often worried that she was too smart for her own good; that her intelligence was going to force her to grow up too fast. Jade herself had been forced to grown up too soon; and it sucked.

Finally, Jade turned to look at her daughter and caught up a lock of curled brown hair, hooking it behind her tiny ear. "What's going on, baby girl?"

"Nothing," Violet answered immediately. It was a simple word, but there was pain inside it; Jade could hear it as clear as a bell. And it broke her heart.

"Violet, tell me what's wrong," Jade said, her voice stern. It wasn't a tone normally reserved for Violet, but it was one the little girl always responded to with immediate obedience. This time, it opened the flood gates. The preschooler burst into tears and crawled into her mother's lap, holding her tightly. She was trying to talk while she was sobbing, and her words came out in unintelligible bouts. Jade understood one phrase. "Mommy, they don't like me." The words cut clear through Jade's heart; she didn't understand any of it. She had never understood children. Not when she was one, not now. She'd been ignored by most of her peers as a young child, but she'd always had Cat; that was all she wanted anyway. But Violet was so much friendlier than she ever was – so much happier. Why was this happening to her?

Jade held her for a long time, letting her cry until the tears dried up on their own. She was rubbing her back in soothing circles, whispering words of reassurance. Eventually, Violet fell asleep in Jade's arms. The older woman was stuck in a difficult position. Violet was getting a bit heavy for her, even if she hadn't been pregnant. She couldn't bear to wake the child, so she continued sitting in the grass, rocking her gently.

Eventually, Beck arrived home, a look of concern etched into his features. He lifted Violet and carried her into the house and up to her bed. Jade followed and crawled into the bed after her, wrapping her arms back around her daughter. Beck leaned close to her ear and whispered.

"What's going on?"

"We'll talk about it later," Jade promised him. "Let her sleep." He nodded and disappeared. Violet woke after another hour and her eyes immediately welled again with tears. "It's okay, baby girl," Jade promised, wiping at her tears. "No more tears. You're at home; everything is okay." It took another twenty minutes to calm her down, but eventually Violet did perk up a bit. Jade washed her face and fixed her hair before taking her to the kitchen for dinner. Tori had made one of her favorites; homemade macaroni and cheese.

After a quiet dinner, Jade walked with her back up to her bedroom and Beck followed – his concern was still palpable. Violet curled into Jade's lap on the bed and used her hair as a curtain to hide her face.

"What happened at school today?" Jade finally asked, pushing the hair from the little girl's face.

"I don't want to talk about it," Violet answered. It was a very grown-up – and very troubling – response.

"Something made you very sad," Jade told her. "I need to know what happened. I need you to talk about it."

Violet told them about school. She told them about how another little girl had a birthday party the weekend before – and how she was the only female classmate not invited. She told them that no one wanted to be her partner during centers and that – earlier that day – a little boy had called her a freak.

Beck assured her that she was not a freak – and that she was a beautiful, kind, amazing young girl. Jade told her that, unfortunately, not everyone was nice all the time. And her classmates were not being nice – but that didn't mean there was anything wrong with Violet. She was beautiful and kind; her classmates simply didn't understand her. Violet didn't believe her, but Jade kept repeating the ideas, hoping that eventually they would get through.

They read several chapters of Matilda to Violet – she was starting to ask for chapter books. Jade sang her a lullaby and stayed with her until she fell asleep. Once she was sleeping for the night, her mother kissed her one last time and crept from the room. She found her husband in their bedroom, pacing the floor.

"Let's just pull her out," Jade said, once the bedroom door was closed. "Maybe she wasn't ready for school."

"Jade, that is not going to help anything," Beck told her. "In another two years, school isn't going to be optional – and she's going to run into the same problems. What are we going to do then?"

"I don't care, Beck. I can't see her like this. She's in pain – and that is not acceptable."

"I don't want to see her hurt any more than you do," Beck told her. "But I'm not willing to teach her to run away when something doesn't work out. And I don't think you want that either." They argued for a long time before finally agreeing to give the second grade option a chance. If it didn't work, they would go back to the drawing board and think of something else.

The next morning, when Jade woke Violet, she brought up the subject immediately. "Do you want to try to be in a different class?" Jade asked. "Would that make you feel any better?"

"Do I have to go to school?" Violet asked, hoping she could just get out of the whole debacle all together. She liked her house – why should she leave it every day?

"You do," Jade answered with nod. "But this would be a different grade. They're going to be learning different things – things you might like to learn – things you might not know yet." Violet looked intrigued. To her, preschool so far had been a failed social experiment. She had seen no intrinsic value in it; she liked the story telling and the building blocks and the art projects, but she wasn't really learning anything she didn't already know. She liked Ms. Kate and she tried to like some of the kids in her class, but it was hard; they teased her and talked about her.

"Are the kids nicer?" Violet asked quietly. Jade wanted to cry. That wasn't a promise she could make. "I don't know, baby girl," she answered honestly. "I hope so, but I don't know. But they would be older. Most of the kids in your class would be seven or eight years old." Violet's eyes widened. She had seen the older kids in the hallway; they were big. And they stayed at school all day long. A half-day of school was bad enough; the whole day seemed like insurmountable horror.

She started crying, trying to tell Jade that she just wanted to stay home. Jade listened, but she didn't back down; she had promised Beck they would try this. "Can you try it, sweetie? We can try it for a few weeks – and if it isn't better, we'll try something else." Violet eventually agreed to try it. After she was calmed down, Jade helped her get ready for the day. Tori was planning to take her to lunch and a movie, and to bring her back to the house to make cupcakes to celebrate Cat's homecoming. It was all an attempt to give Jade and Beck some time to themselves. Jade hadn't told Tori what she was doing, but the other woman had sensed the importance.

Later in the morning, Jade sat in Beck's vehicle, staring through the windshield. She observed the fact that Beck needed to get his SUV detailed. It was filthy. She ran her finger across the dashboard, grimacing when it game back grimy. Beck watched her from the corner of his eye. They had been sitting in the car for over an hour. Jade hadn't made a move to get out, nor had she suggested they leave and drive home.

"Babe, what do you want me to do?" He finally asked.

"Don't talk to me right now," she answered shortly. She was silent for another hour. Finally, just when he was on the verge of starting his SUV and driving home, she opened her door and moved quickly down the street and up the path to the mammoth house she'd lived in as a child. Beck had to jog to keep up with her. He knew she was moving quickly because, if she didn't, she would turn back.

At the door, she rang the bell before she could decide not to. Beck grabbed her hand as the door opened and John sneered at her. "Well, if it isn't the princess. I hear you've been telling lies, princess."

"Shut up," Jade snarled. Beck had to use every ounce of self-restraint he possessed not to pummel the man. "Where is my mother?" She pushed past him and into the house. Beck followed closely. They'd allowed the place to fall into disrepair. Her father's heart would be broken; but that was unfortunately par for the course with Alex West; not much in his life had gone the way he'd hoped. The only time Jade ever saw him smile was when he visited with Violet. She was the only light he saw anymore.

Camilla was lounging on the living room sofa, several blankets pulled around her frail frame. She looked hideous. And not just because she was sick. Jade didn't think about her mother if she could help it. But the reality of seeing her was more horrible than Jade's memories. On the day Camilla had appeared in Jade's home, she had been blinded by rage and anger and surprise. Now she had time to actually look at her mother – and it caused a knot of anger and fear to build in her stomach.

"I see you've finally decided to take pity on the woman who gave birth to you. Have you decided to allow me to see my grandchild? How generous," she said in a nasty tone.

"You may have given birth to me, but that's when I stopped owing you a thing," Jade snapped. "Including pity. I'll make sure you never see Violet. I don't know what you want with her – but you're never getting closer to her. Hire all the lawyers you want. Mine will always be better. You'll be dead before this ever comes before a judge."

"So confident," Camilla chuckled. "It doesn't suit you. It's all a lie. You're still the weak, simpering little girl who could never handle a little constructive criticism." Jade didn't believe being told she was stupid and ugly was constructive criticism, but it wasn't worth sparing with Camilla to bring up that point.

Jade was silent as she collected her thoughts. "Pretty soon, you're going to be dead. And I am going to be thrilled. Because the world will definitely be a better place without you. But before you go to the place that's surely being reserved for you in hell, I want you to know that you didn't win. You tried to ruin everything I ever worked for – you spent so much time trying to hurt me. But you didn't win – because I have everything that you never will. I have family and friends who love me – I have a beautiful daughter who will never know what it's like to be hungry or afraid or violated. I have a home – and a successful career. And you have nothing except a psycho side-kick and a falling-down crypt."

Camilla chuckled. "Darling, you never were good at seeing what was coming. I may have only a little while left, but it's a time you'll never forget." She smirked at Jade. "Now get out of my house." She paused. "Unless you'd like to spend a bit of quality time with John." The sound of the slap echoed through the house and Camilla looked more shocked than hurt. Jade had fought back against John – but she had never touched her mother. Well, that record was broken. Jade turned on her heel and walked back to the car, Beck following her in silence.

"Jade," Beck said softly, once they were back in his SUV.

"Just drive," she ordered him.

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know," she answered weakly. "Not home. Not yet." So, Beck drove. He headed for the pacific coast highway and drove in silence. They drove for a long time before he doubled back and drove to the quiet, peaceful beach where they'd spent many afternoons in high school.

Jade sat silently on the beach for a long time, watching the ocean. Her silence frightened Beck, but he knew she needed time. He sat behind her, giving her space – but not too much.

When they returned home from the long, emotionally exhausted day, Jade wanted nothing more but to crawl into bed. But she's missed a whole Saturday with Violet, so she stayed alert and attuned. Violet asked if they could paint, so Jade pulled out a box containing acrylics and little ceramic ornaments they had begun to work on at Christmas time. They spent the night working on them. Jade was amused when Violet's pieces turned out significantly better than hers; the child was artistic – no one could deny that. Tori gave up after she was informed that her reindeer looked like a dog. She spent the rest of the night playing the piano while Jade and Violet painted.

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Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to review. Any part you particularly liked? Or didn't?

If you haven't yet, please take a moment to read and review the one-shot I posted a few days ago. It's Bade – and it's not part of this universe, but I think it's worth reading if you want to smile (not dark like my normal stuff). Also, there are quite a few great one-shots that were written for the Save the Date event – I would definitely suggest checking them out (after you read and review mine, of course).


	19. The Most I Can Do

Thanks so much for all of your lovely reviews! Here is the next installment:

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Chapter 18 – The Most I Can Do

_The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend._

~Henry David Thoreau

Sunday was a happy day. Beck and Jade left fairly early in the morning to bring Cat home. The redhead was thrilled; she chattered on happily and spent a good deal of the day commenting on everything Violet showed her. Many pictures had been colored, many puzzles built, and several dresses purchased since Cat had been in the hospital. Violet felt she needed to see them all – immediately.

Taking advantage of the unusually warm winter day, they had a barbeque on the back deck and invited Ella and Bryan. Jade was sitting on the steps from the deck to the back yard, watching as Cat ran around with Violet, playing some game that she'd likely made up on the spot. That was just how Cat did things.

Ella sat next to her, handing her a bottle of water. Jade accepted it. "What's going on, with your mother?"

"Beck told you?"

"That's a pretty big secret to keep, Jade."

"I would have told you," the young woman said apologetically. "I just haven't had time."

Ella shook her head. "You don't owe me any explanations. But if I can help, you need to let me know." She paused. "Is there something else you want to tell me?"

"We haven't told anyone yet," Jade told her, knowing what she was getting at. She had guessed. She knew of Jade's absolute fondness for both coffee and wine – and was observant enough to notice their absence from her daughter-in-law's meal. "I don't know how to tell Cat – or Violet."

"Cat is going to be thrilled," Ella promised Jade. "I've spent a lot of time with her lately – and her state of mind is remarkable for what she's been through. She's not going to begrudge you this baby."

"That doesn't make me feel less guilty," Jade answered. "I can't stop thinking about how she looked – going through labor and being in so much pain – and then expecting to see a beautiful, live baby at the end of it. And there was nothing." She shook her head. "There was nothing they could do."

"And there was nothing you could have done," Ella told her. "Cat knows that. And I think Violet will be excited."

"I don't know," Jade said with a sigh. "She's had a really hard time at school lately – she hasn't been her usual happy self. I'm worried she's not ready."

"You're never going to have everything exactly as you think it should be," Ella told her. "You just need to make things work as they happen. And I have every bit of faith that you'll be able to do just that." She paused, putting an arm around Jade. "Congratulations, by the way."

"Thanks," Jade answered, her head leaning against Ella's shoulder. "I keep talking about being worried – but I really am happy about having another one."

"Of course you are," Ella answered.

That night, Beck took care of tucking in Violet and Jade followed Cat up the stairs to her bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed as Cat found pajamas and went about getting ready for sleep. Mr. Purple had already been rescued from one of the bags and was sitting on the center of the bed. Jade picked him up and held him, waiting for Cat to return. The redhead did, snatching Mr. Purple from Jade's lap before crawling under the covers of her own bed for the first time in weeks. Jade kicked off her shoes and followed her best friend under the comforter. Cat giggled as she lay next to her best friend.

"How are you doing?" Jade asked, rolling on her side to look at her. "Really."

"I had a good day," Cat promised. "I'm okay."

"I'm glad," Jade answered. "I'm happy you're home."

"Me too," Cat answered. They were quiet for a long while. "Jadey?"

"Hmmm?"

"Thanks for being my best friend."

Jade hugged her and kissed her cheek. "Thank you for being my best friend," she answered. "I'm very lucky."

The next morning, Jade woke Cat at 7am. The redhead groaned and rethought her best friend remark. "They let me sleep later at the hospital!"

"Would you rather be in the hospital?" Jade asked, hand on hip, eyebrows raised. Cat was out of bed and in the shower before an answer could be given. She and Tori arrived in the kitchen at the same time. The redhead stood next to Jade, bouncing lightly on her balls of her feet as her friend prepared breakfast. "Cat, we need to talk about Dianna and Gwen—"

"Why?" Cat asked, ready to whine and pout – at the same time.

"Don't start," Jade told her. "They're still going to be here during the day. Not at night, but during the day when Beck and I are at work and Violet's at school and Tori's taking classes. Just so you're not alone."

"Do I have a choice?" Cat asked.

"No," Jade answered. "They're just going to be here to keep you company. You like company." Cat didn't answer. Jade considered it a good thing that she seemed neutral to the plan. She poured herself a glass of juice and sat next to Tori.

Jade had finished making breakfast when Addie texted and told her she was coming over. That was never good news. "Tori, can you keep Violet busy for a little while if she wakes up?"

"Sure." She knew better than to question when Jade used that pained tone.

Jade met Addie at the door and they went into Jade's office, having snatched Beck from the second floor. "I tried everything," Addie said as Jade closed the office door. "The judge is angry with me – apparently his mother had ovarian cancer, so he thinks me trying to block Camilla's papers until she dies is pretty crappy. He accused me of torturing a dying woman with paperwork. Which I am, but I was still offended he accused me of it." Jade waited for her to stop sputtering information.

"What does that mean?"

"The judge said no more continuances or filings – the hearing is set for two weeks from today."

"This cannot happen," Jade said, her fingers rising to rub at her temples as she paced the length of the room.

"I don't think she'll be able to get visitation," Addie told her. "It's very unorthodox for the court to order visitation for grandparents in a situation with no parental custody issue and where the parents are both are against it." She paused, her voice lowering. "But you're not going to get out of the hearing." Jade shook her head; she didn't want to believe it was actually happening. The week was busy, saving her from worrying too much about the hearing. Cat was finally home and Jade kept Violet home Monday and Tuesday. Cat was tired of being cooped up and wanted to go anywhere and everywhere, so the four women spent Monday and Tuesday shopping, eating out, and going to museums and parks. Jade also spent time on the telephone those days, speaking with the principal and one of the second grade teachers at St. Ann's. By Tuesday mid-morning, everything was arranged for Violet to go back to school.

On Wednesday morning, Violet had no intention of getting out of bed. She begged to be allowed to stay home, but eventually Beck and Jade talked her into giving it another try. Jade walked Violet into the school and up the stairs to the second floor. She knocked on the open door to room 204 and a young woman stood from the desk at the back of the room, smiling widely. She had short blond hair and wore a black dress and bright pink sweater. Stopping in front of Violet she knelt and stuck out her hand. "You must be Violet. I'm Ms. Lauren."

"Hi," Violet said shyly, shaking her offered hand. It was still early – no other students had arrived. They had planned it that way – Jade wanted her to meet the teacher and see the room before the school day began.

"I'm so happy to have you in my class," the woman said cheerfully. "Do you want to put your coat and book bag away?" Violet nodded and followed her to the cubbies, where she saw her name had already been placed above a space. Then her new teacher showed her to her desk and to the coat closet. Jade watched from the front of the room as Ms. Lauren showed Violet her new textbooks and helped her get settled.

Several children entered the room, talking and giggling. Ms. Lauren greeted them. After two of the little girls put their bags and coats away, the teacher called them over to Violet. "Faith, Maria, this is Violet. She's going to be in our class now."

"Hi," Faith said, smiling shyly. She seemed sweet, but her voice was soft quiet.

"Hi!" Maria was much more exuberant.

"Hi," Violet answered.

"Girls, why don't you show Violet the morning centers?" Maria immediately took Violet's hand and dragged her to a corner of the classroom where a piano was sitting.

"If you get here early, you can do centers before everyone else gets here," Maria explained. "This is the best one. You can play the piano. Ms. Lauren puts a new song up every week." Maria showed Violet the piece of pink paper – it was copied sheet music for Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Violet was confused – the notes were much bigger than normal and had the corresponding letters inside them, instead of being solid black. She had never seen anything like it – so she ignored them.

She quickly played both hands of the short song and Maria and Faith clapped excitedly. "You're good," Maria told her. "I can only do one hand – and it takes me longer. Can you show me how to do that?" Jade watched as they took turns playing. Eventually, she waved to the teacher and left the room quietly, hoping those few minutes were a sign of better things to come for Violet at school.

Jade headed straight for her appointment with Emily. The hearing was less than two weeks away – and she was going to have to explain to a judge – under oath – the things her mother and John had done to her. She was not ready.

"I'm aware that you dislike your mother," Emily accepted. "You've told me. You've told me she's evil – she's a terrible human being. You've said she was abusive. You've never said how. You know, most women, at some point in their lives, think their mother is terrible. If you get stuck in that mindset—" Emily was baiting her, trying to make her angry – it was when she usually let new information slip. Jade easily recognized the tactic, but it still worked every time.

"It's not a mindset," Jade hissed. "She almost killed me. I'm pretty sure she wanted to."

"Then tell me what she did," Emily said, her voice gentle. Jade started to. She tried to find the words that would form the sentences to tell the stories. But she had nothing. The words were stuck; and no amount of determination was going to release them. The therapist allowed the silence to remain between them for a good twenty minutes before she spoke again.

"Jade?"

"Hmm?"

"Still with me?" Jade nodded. "What aren't you telling me?"

"I don't know." Jade being honest; she wasn't sure what her heart wanted to spill, but her brain wasn't going to allow it to happen.

"Do me a favor – try something else. Close your eyes." Jade hesitated. "Trust me. Just close your eyes." Jade did and darkness overtook her vision. "Now, you grew up in a house with your mom and your dad until you were five. Tell me about that house."

"It was big," Jade said shakily, the shadow of the edifice working its way into her vision. "And dark. The stone is old and dark."

"What else?" Emily prompted, after a prolonged silence.

"I don't know," Jade responded. She had just been there a few days before. She'd observed the terrible upkeep it was receiving. But she could recall no details, just the feelings the place had held.

"What does the door look like?"

"I don't know."

"How about the entry hall? Or the kitchen?"

"I don't know," Jade answered, her eyes snapping open angrily. She glared at Emily through tears that were coming of their own fruition. They certainly didn't have her permission. Emily questioned her about her mother – what did she look like? What did John look like? What about her room? Jade couldn't answer any of the questions. She didn't know why – but her brain simply was not cooperating. She could give basic details, but nothing specific. She could recall none of the details that a woman who had grown to be a renowned writer would have normally observed and retained.

An hour and a half into the morning, Emily posed a question that surprised them both a bit. "Are you willing to try hypnotism?"

"Seriously?"

"You don't have much time," Emily answered. "The hearing is in less than two weeks. If you can't tell me why your mother shouldn't be allowed near your daughter, how are you going to tell a judge?"

"I don't know. I just can't talk about it," Jade said, distress evident.

"I'm aware," Emily conceded. "We've been here for two hours and all you've told me is that your childhood home was big and dark. Your brain has put up roadblocks. There are gentler, healthier ways to break them down. But hypnotism is the best way to do it quickly."

"Fine," Jade finally agreed, her words seeped in anger. At herself, for being unable to talk about it – and at her mother, for making talking about it necessary. "Can you just do it now and get it over with?"

"No," Emily answered. "First, despite your continued choice to ignore this fact, I do have other patients – one of whom has scheduled an appointment in twenty minutes. Second, I'm not trained in it – and I don't like using it unless it's absolutely necessary. But Isabelle deals with more extreme cases – she uses it in her practice. I'll give her a call and see when she can fit you in." Jade nodded. She was not thrilled with the idea – but she was stuck. She didn't know how to form the words that would help her. They were the words that would end her mother's reign of terror and keep the evil woman away from her innocent daughter.

Jade left that day after making an appointment with Isabelle. As she was leaving the hospital, she received a phone call from Tori. She answered on the first ring. "What's up?"

"Can you come and get me?" Tori asked, her voice sounding hollow and far away. Jade recognized it – she was in the middle of a panic attack. Jade was at her car and headed for the University – Tori had her first piano lesson that morning.

"I'm on my way," Jade told her. "What's going on?"

"I don't know." She hadn't actually suffered a panic attack since she'd started the new medication.

"Where are you? Is anyone with you?"

"I'm in one of the practice rooms by myself," Tori told her. When Jade reached the music building, she walked to the halls where the piano practice rooms were located and peeked into each door. After four rooms, she found Tori. The door was locked. She jiggled the handle and then knocked.

"Tori, it's me." There was no answer. Jade could see her sitting on the piano bench, bent over the instrument, her head resting in her hands. After several minutes, Jade took a small tool from her purse and popped the lock. She had learned some useful things during her rebellious teenage years.

She closed the door behind her and sat on the bench next to Tori. "What happened?" She asked gently.

"I don't know," Tori said, her voice soft. She sat up, looking at Jade briefly. "I was fine – and the lesson was fine – and then I tried to leave – there were so many people. I couldn't breathe."

Jade realized it must have been the change of class. When she'd walked through the hallways, they had been empty – classes were in session again.

"It's calmed down now," Jade promised. "Almost everyone is in the classrooms – the hallways are pretty empty."

Tori bent her head, hiding her face again in her hands. Jade rubbed her back gently and realized that she was shaking. "Have you taken your pill?"

"I took two." The fact that she'd taken two and was still shaking worried Jade.

"Okay," Jade said calmly. "Let's get out of here." She stood and offered her hand. Tori took it hesitantly. Jade walked her out of the building and they headed home.

Cat was in the living room and she got up and ran to them excitedly when they walked through the door. Jade put a hand on her shoulder, keeping her from infringing on Tori's space. "Do you want to watch a movie?" Cat asked, trying to pull at Tori's hand.

"I'm sorry, Cat," Tori said softly. "I have a headache – I'm going to lie down for a while." Tori headed up the stairs to her bedroom and Cat sadly watched her go.

"I'm thinking you're not going to watch a movie with me either," Cat said sadly, eyeing Jade.

The brunette gave her a quick squeeze. "I'm sorry, Cat. I have to go check on Tori and then I have to pick up Violet from school. Do you want to come with me for that? We may stop for frozen yogurt." Cat bounced excitedly and nodded - Jade had her at frozen yogurt.

"We have about two hours until we need to leave. Go watch your movie. You can tell us about it in the car." Cat scampered back to do just that and Jade walked into the kitchen to make a pot of tea. She carried the pot and two cups to Tori's room.

Tori was in bed, curled around the stuffed giraffe Cat had given her years ago when her parents had died. Jade hadn't seen it until recently – she wondered where it had been in the interim. Setting the pot and cups on Tori's nightstand, Jade sat on the edge of the bed. Tori's eyes fluttered open slightly.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Stop beating yourself up," Jade ordered. She poured a cup of tea and Tori sat up to accept it. She sipped at it and listened to Jade tell her all the reasons that it wasn't a big deal and that she should give herself a break. It was only a minor setback but after years of facing one obstacle after another, Tori was tired of it all. She wanted something – just one thing – to go smoothly.

That afternoon, Jade stood outside with the other parents and nannies, waiting for Violet. The little girl was beaming. She had walked out the door with the girls from that morning. The more boisterous little girl called after Violet. "See you tomorrow!" Violet reached Jade and hugged her fiercely. Jade took her hand and they walked together to the car where Cat was waiting.

"How was school?"

"Good," Violet said, with a happy smile.

"You're not just saying that to make me feel better, are you?" Jade asked, teasing her a bit.

"No, mama, it was good. I liked it." Violet crawled into her booster seat and Jade leaned over to buckle her in.

"I'm so glad, baby girl," Jade told her. Violet told Cat and Jade all about her day – she was thrilled with all of it. It sounded as though the teacher had put her with just the right group of students – Faith and Maria had accepted her immediately. Violet also kept mentioning a little boy named Matt; Beck would not be amused.

The stopped for celebratory frozen yogurt on the way home.

Beck was worried that night when Jade told him about Emily's suggestion of hypnotherapy. "I don't think that sounds like a good idea," he told her. "I could be wrong – but I'm pretty sure in Psych 101 they mentioned that your brain knows what it's doing. When it puts up blocks like that, it's to protect you."

"Protecting me isn't going to keep my mother away from Violet," Jade told him. "I have to try this." There was nothing that Beck could do to change her mind. In the battle between saving herself and saving Violet, her daughter would be chosen every time.

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Thanks for reading! Take a moment to review and share your thoughts. Have a great day! And I hope you are less snowed-in than I am!


	20. To Be Haunted

Hypnotism can be untrustworthy in real life (please remember that this is fiction) and – even when it does work - can be absolutely terrifying to a person who had actually gone through things that their brain has deemed traumatizing enough to block out – so this was very difficult to write. Sorry it took so long! Thank you, everyone, for your lovely reviews.

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Chapter 19 – To Be Haunted

"_One need not be a chamber to be haunted;  
One need not be a house;  
The brain has corridors surpassing  
Material place".  
_~Emily Dickinson

Despite Beck's best efforts to talk her out of it, Jade met with Isabelle two days later. Beck insisted on taking the day from work and accompanying her, but Isabelle wouldn't let him in the room, so he was sitting glumly in the waiting room. Upon Jade's request, Emily was allowed in.

"Close your eyes." Jade did. She wasn't sure why she was listening to Isabelle – the woman annoyed her – but she was. "Picture the place – the situation – where you feel the absolute safest. Imagine yourself there right now." She was silent for a few moments as Jade thought about the image.

"Where are you?"

"With Beck – in our bedroom."

"Good – whenever you feel like you can't handle where you are, that is where you go. That is your safe place. No matter where you are, you can always get there." Jade nodded. She felt the overwhelming urge to cry and it pissed her off to no end. "Take a deep breath." Jade did. "And another one." She followed directions and eventually she did feel calmer.

Isabelle's voice turned into a buzz – a drone that she could barely keep track of. It was soothing. Jade wondered briefly if she could carry a tune. If she could, she might have a decent career as a recording artist. People needed things to put them to sleep. Suddenly, her words were clear again.

"Tell me your first memory of your mother."

"I don't remember," Jade said, automatically. But her brain was already flipping through pictures.

"You do," Isabelle prompted. "Go back to that house. The mansion on Granger Avenue. Go inside the house. Where is your mother?"

"In my room."

"What does your room look like?"

Jade absently described the bedroom of her childhood. Everything from the white lace curtains to the lavender carpet to the walk-in closet. As she described the room, it turned from shades of gray to vibrant colors in her memory. Things she hadn't been able tell Beck or Emily were suddenly available and almost tangible. Something in her voice told Isabelle to stop her at the closet.

"Why are you afraid of the closet?"

"I'm not."

"Yes you are. What happened there?"

"She locked me inside," Jade said, suddenly, remembering. It had been so dark. She couldn't reach the handle. It didn't matter – the handles were tied together from the outside. Her mother was screaming at her. Isabelle was wrong; she wasn't afraid of the closet – she was afraid of her mother. The closet had kept her safe; locked inside, her mother hadn't touched her that day.

"What is she telling you?"

"She wanted me to die."

"What words is she using?"

"No," Jade said, shaking her head. "No – I can't—" Tears were streaming to her eyes.

"It's okay," Isabelle assured her. "You're safe. Take a deep breath. Go back to your safe place. Imagine your bedroom now – you're in bed with your husband. Go there now. Keep your eyes closed and rest." Jade's breathing slowed as she inadvertently followed the suggestions. Isabelle allowed her a few moments of calm.

"Jade, go back to the first time you can remember your mother physically hurting you." Jade was back in the kitchen of her childhood. "Where are you?" Jade told her. "Tell me what you see. How does your mother look?"

"She's so angry," Jade said hollowly. "She made dinner – but my dad is going to be late. She tells me it's my fault – he doesn't want to see me. I'm ugly and stupid. I don't know what to do," Jade wept. "I don't want him to stay away because of me – but it's not my fault he's not here."

"It's not your fault," Isabelle agreed soothingly. "What is your mother doing?" _Jade saw her mother reach for the pan of simmering sauce and suddenly, she remembered. She wanted to run, but her feet were cemented to the ground and the pain was searing as the bubbling liquid splattered against Jade's small body. She screeched in pain and her mother taunted her. _

"_Don't be such a big baby," Camilla sneered. "It's just a bit of sauce. Get away from me. Don't be so clumsy next time." Jade raced to her room, not looking back. She was barely four, but she knew something horrible had happened. Luckily, the sauce had hit her low enough to miss most of her face, but her neck was covered in the burning liquid and it was soaking into the expensive, thick fabrics of her dress and stockings, stinging skin that should have been safe. She scrambled out of her clothing and used a washcloth to hurriedly wipe the sauce from the skin that had been exposed. It hurt so badly. _

She was crying opening. She had been then, and she was now.

"Jade," Isabelle told her firmly. "You're not there – you can see what is happening - but you're not in any pain. Tell me what happened after you got to your room."

_The pain had been intolerable. _She may not still feel it, but now she remembered it like it was a feeling_. She hadn't known what to do. The wet washcloth had soothed some of the burning, so Jade wet a large towel with cool water and wrapped it around herself like a big cape, covering her shoulder and neck. Her teeth were chattering – probably from shock – when her mother found her half an hour later. _

_Jade shrank back into the corner, terrified when her mother appeared in the bathroom doorway. "What are you doing?" She asked angrily. "You're dripping water all over the place. Get over here." Jade didn't want to, but she crossed the room to her mother. Camilla threw the sopping wet towel into the bathtub and used a fresh one to dry Jade. The tiny child couldn't help but to cry as she harshly rubbed dry even the harshest burns. Once she was dry, Camilla dressed her in a pair of pajamas. She dragged Jade into her bathroom and used clean white gauze to cover the more serious burns around her neck and shoulder. "Your father is on his way home," Camilla told her angrily. "Don't you dare say a word about this." She shook Jade's shoulder – the one covered in burns. "Do you understand me?" The child cried out and nodded, tears again coating her cheeks. Camilla handed her a medicine cup full of grape-flavored liquid and Jade drank it. She was in bed by the time her father arrived home. _

"Jade, leave that memory. Come back to the present. You're safe. No one can hurt you," Isabelle assured her. "Go to your safe place. Stay there and rest for a few minutes."

Beck was sitting in the waiting room, desperate to go into that room and grab his wife and take her away. Because whatever she was remembering – it was bad. He could hear her cries through the thick office door and the hum of the radio and air purifier in the waiting room. He gritted his teeth and started pacing the floor; Jade had told him to stay away. She'd made him promise. It wasn't a promise he'd wanted to make at the time – and it really angered him now.

After giving Jade ten minutes to rest, Isabelle moved onto her next question.

"Tell me about the day your father left." That story was sad, but not physically painful. Jade remembered those details easily. She described sitting on the steps and watching him go. She told Isabelle about Ramona sitting next to her – and that led to the story of the day Ramona died.

"My father thought I did it," Jade said, her voice full of pain.

"How did you feel about that?"

"He should have known better," she answered angrily, bile rising in her throat. "He should have known me better. I never would have hurt anything he'd given me – especially not that puppy. I loved her. She loved me."

"What changed after Ramona was killed?"

"I was alone with them," Jade answered.

"Who is _them_?" Isabelle pressed. She knew the answer already, but she knew Jade's brain needed logical connections.

"My mother and John – her boyfriend."

"What is the first memory that comes up when you think of John?" The first flash of the kitchen table across her memory sent Jade reeling. She was sobbing and gasping without ever telling Isabelle what she was seeing.

"Take a deep breath," she was prompted. Isabelle led Jade through several breathing exercises. Once the woman was calmer, she broached the same subject – it was clearly important. "Jade – you are safe. I don't want you to go back into these memories. Just watch them. Just like you would watch a movie." She paused. "Now, if you were watching a movie about the most important thing about John – what would you be watching?"

Calmer, more removed, Jade described the evening when John first forced himself upon her. She remained calm when she described making her salad and grabbing her bottle of water. She told Isabelle about the kitchen – about the curtains that hung at the windows and the tile that made up the back splash.

Once she looked across the kitchen and saw John enter the room, her heart again began racing. She was screaming. She saw him coming at her and there was nothing she could do – all over again. But this time, she could scream. Isabelle told her to go back to her safe place, but Jade was still gasping for breath – her brain ignored the command. Beck had enough; he came barreling through the door, but Jade didn't hear the commotion he was creating. She could still see the scene in front of her like it was happening all over again.

Isabelle put up her hand, warning him to stay back. Emily stood and led him back into the waiting room. "You need to stay out here," she told him.

"This is insane," Beck told her. "This cannot be for the best. This is hurting her. I can hear it from out here."

"If you let Isabelle bring her out of it, she'll be okay. If you interrupt and startle her, she may not be able to put those memories back where they belong."

Jade had no idea what was happening with her husband – she was still watching the replay of the first time John had violated her. It took another thirty minutes of Isabelle's gently nudges and suggestions to get her to describe the scene from a distance. When she came out of the trance for good, she was exhausted.

"For how long did John abuse you?" Isabelle asked her, handing her a bottle of water.

"Three years," Jade said gruffly.

"Your mother knew about it?"

"How do you know that?"

"Call it an educated hunch," Isabelle told her. "Your anger is much stronger against your mother than most children of abuse. It takes a lot for us to truly hate our parents – even when they hurt us."

"Hating my mother has never proven to be a difficulty," Jade answered sharply.

Isabelle spoke to her for another hour, fleshing out the memories and trying to help her deal with having them at the forefront.

Jade was exhausted. Isabelle had been hacking away at her memories for three hours. Jade felt physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. She was barely lucid when Beck lifted her into his arms and carried her to his car. She fell asleep on the drive home and remained unconscious as he transferred her to their bedroom.

When she woke, it was almost dinner time and Beck was sitting on his side of the bed, watching her with a worried expression. "Hi," she said softly, pushing herself up against the headboard and into a sitting position. She still ached like she'd run a marathon.

"You were out for four hours," he told her, hooking a lock of hair behind her ear. His hand moved to cradle her face. "You are never doing that again."

She shook her head and broke away from him. "I don't have the energy to argue with you," she told him. "Can you take care of dinner? Check on Cat for me." She slumped back under the soft red and white covers and curled onto her side.

"Cat is fine,"' Beck told her. "It's you I'm worried about."

"Please," she begged. "Please Beck, leave it alone for now. Just make sure everyone eats dinner and gets to bed. Please." He placed a kiss on her lips and then on her forehead.

"Alright," he agreed. "But we are going to talk about this later." She didn't respond but her eyes fluttered closed as he disappeared from the room. The evening was a calm one in the household, although Violet was unhappy that her mother wasn't around to tuck her in or listen to her stories of the day. Beck told her that Jade wasn't feeling well, so the little girl settled for Tori's presence.

When he made it back to his bedroom, Jade was soaking in the bathtub. She smiled weakly as he slipped into the bathroom. He sat on the floor, his back to the tub. "How are you doing?"

"Okay," she answered. "Better than before, I think."

"I don't think—"

"Beck, I can't talk about it right now. I have to do this. I have to be able to tell the judge what happened. She can't be allowed to be near Violet – neither can John. I'm not going to argue with you. It's not up for negotiation – I'm going back to Isabelle tomorrow." It wasn't what he wanted to hear – but he could see that she was close to hysteria – arguing was not a good plan.

Beck had disappeared by the time Jade slipped into her pajamas and wriggled back into bed. She knew he was upset, so she knew exactly where he was – restoring one of the classic cars he had been working on for years. A knock sounded at the door and Jade sat up again. "Come in." It was Tori, with two cups of tea. Jade smiled weakly and pushed back the covers on Beck's side of the bed. Tori handed her one of the cups and crawled into bed next to her. They sipped the hot beverage in silence for several minutes.

"I tried hypnotism a few years ago," Tori said suddenly.

"You never told me." Tori shrugged. Apparently there were things Jade didn't know after all. She narrowed her eyes at Tori. "How did you know what I was doing today?"

"I eavesdrop," she answered simply. Jade looked at her with an expression of annoyance and Tori laughed. "What? You keep me out of the loop – a lot. Besides, when you don't talk for a long time, you learn how to listen well."

"I'll temporarily forgive the breech of privacy," Jade said sternly. "Did it work for you?"

Tori shook her head a bit. "Depends on what your definition is of 'work.' I remembered things – but they weren't things I wanted to remember."

"I don't have a choice," Jade informed her sternly.

"I just wanted you to know that I understand. It sucks." Jade nodded and accepted the unspoken condolences. Not for the first time, she throught about how much Tori knew - or didn't know - about her past - and how that would eventually need to be addressed. She had promised to share more - but she had never given a timeline. And Tori never pushed - it wasn't her way. They sat quietly for a few more minutes before Tori pulled out the remote control and unveiled the bedroom television. Jade hadn't wanted a television in the bedroom; Beck had. They compromised by installing one that was hidden. It looked like a large decorative painting until you turned it on. Tori turned it on and flipped stations until she found an old black and white horror film. It was a horror film, which would make Jade happy and it was laughably made, which meant that Tori wouldn't have nightmares. At least not from the movie.

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Please review and share your thoughts!


	21. The Storm is Passing Over

Sorry for making you wait. In apology, this chapter is the longest one in the story. It didn't have a natural breaking point, so I just gave you the whole thing. It's long. Thanks for all of your lovely reviews :-) Keep them coming - I adore knowing what others think of my stories.

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Chapter 20 – The Morning Light Appears

"_Take courage my soul and let us journey on,  
though the night is dark and I'm still far from home;  
praise be to God, the morning light appears"_

~ from _The Storm is Passing Over_

Beck didn't return to their bedroom until Jade was already sleeping that night, so there was no more discussion about her choice to continue undergoing hypnosis. He jumped into the shower, brushed his teeth, and crawled into bed, pulling his wife protectively into his arms. A sharp scream dragged Beck from his sleep. It was the first truly violent nightmare Jade had suffered through since they were kids; he shook her awake, begging her to open her eyes.

She had just looked up at him through the tears in her eyelashes when their door opened and Violet poked her head inside. "Is mommy okay?" Violet asked. Jade quickly wiped away her tears and ran her fingers through her hair before sitting up. She walked across the room to her daughter and knelt in front of her.

"I'm fine," Jade promised. "I just had a little bit of a bad dream."

"Mommies have bad dreams too?"

"Sometimes," Jade said with a nod. "Come on, you should be in bed." She walked back across the hall with Violet and tucked her back into bed, sitting with her for the few minutes that it took the child to fall back to sleep. When she returned to her bedroom, there was an orange bottle on her nightstand – Tori's prescription sleeping pills. Jade fished one out of the bottle and swallowed it before climbing back under the covers and snuggling into Beck's embrace.

"Jade—"

"Don't want to talk about it," she mumbled, her words made almost unintelligible because her face was pressed against his chest. But he knew exactly what she was saying. She never wanted to talk about her nightmares – she never had. When they were young, those nightmares would have woken neighbors if Beck's RV hadn't been sound proof. During the day, she was fine. She lived in a newly protected world where her biggest problems came from the aloofness of her stepmother and the cluelessness of her father. But the façade of strength had fallen away most nights, leaving her crying and ravaged with nightmares and demons. Beck had gone through most of ninth grade with bruises on his arms and chest from when she tried to fight him in her sleep. He was stronger and simply kept his hold on her, hoping it would eventually calm her. Sometime between ninth and tenth grade, it had. The nightmares quietly disappeared – and were never spoken of again. Now they were back; Beck saw only one thing to blame.

"You need to stop doing this," he told her the next morning as she carefully applied her makeup. "You haven't had nightmares in fifteen years – and all the sudden they're back?"

"I'm sorry if it inconveniences you," she snapped.

"That's not what I mean and you know it," he said, his voice growing in tension and volume. "I'm worried about you – and the baby. This isn't good for either of you."

"You don't get to decide," Jade told him. "Maybe this is something I should have done fifteen years ago. It's not doing any good not to talk about it. It's just killing me slower."

"Then talk to me. You don't need to do this–"

"I have tried to talk to you," Jade told him angrily. "Do you think I want to keep all of these hideous things hidden from you – to just let you sit back and imagine the worst possible scenario? I've been trying to talk to you for years – it doesn't work. I haven't been able to process what happened in years. I just have feelings that I can't explain. I know what happened – but I don't know how to let it go. This is supposed to help me let it go – and I need to do that. You have to let me do that." She was crying now, and his anger dissipated as a sharp pain angled through his heart.

"Okay," he said softly. "I'll stop trying to talk you out of it. If this is really what you need to do, I'm here for you. Just try to be careful – for me?" She nodded and Beck gathered her into his arms.

In the time it took them to calm down and for Jade to reapply her makeup, they were running late. Tori, however, was not. She, Cat, and Violet were eating breakfast at the kitchen table when Jade and Beck walked into the room. Tori looked at them with a slightly colder than normal glance; she had heard arguing. No details – but she had certainly caught on to raised voices.

Violet greeted them brightly, jumping out of her chair to hug them both. Jade smiled lightly and kissed the top of her head, directing her back to the breakfast table. Emily called during breakfast and told Jade that she was pushing her appointment with Isabelle to the next day – and Jade had no choice in the matter. The woman in question was both relieved and annoyed. She didn't like people making decisions for her – but she was still exhausted, so she didn't argue.

Tori had her piano lesson that morning and she was staying on campus to meet with her advisor and talk about classes for the spring semester. She was planning to pick up Violet on her way home, so Jade had the entire day to herself. Knowing that she would simply torture herself if she tried to work or do anything useful, she gave herself up to Cat. They spent the day baking sweet things and watching Disney movies.

Violet arrived home from school with a violin case, looking extremely happy. "What do you have there?" Jade asked with a smile. She finished transferring the chocolate chip cookies from the baking stone to the cooling rack and knelt on the floor in front of her daughter, who looked positively gleeful.

"Mr. Barringer said I was really good in music class, so he let me take the violin home to practice. He said if I learn it, he'll let me play with the cello."

"Baby girl, a cello is three times your size," Jade told her with a grin. "Let's start with the violin, okay?" Violet nodded. Stealing one of the cooled cookies from the counter, Violet disappeared up the stairs to her bedroom. Within minutes, they heard the shaky – but correct – strains of "Mary Had a Little Lamb" on the violin. Tori's smile disappeared as she took a cookie from the cooling rack and began to nervously pull it apart, nibbling a bit at a time.

Jade threw another pan of cookies into the oven and put a hand on her hip. "Say what it is you need to say."

Tori looked up at her, eyes blazing. "I know you're stressed right now – but do not take that tone with me."

"I'm sorry," Jade said softly. "You're looking at me like you're about to be a little judgy."

"I'm not going to be judgy," Tori answered. "I know what you're going through is hard – but Violet heard you arguing with Beck this morning. I told her you were rehearsing0 one of his new scripts. But I'm not lying for you anymore – if you want to keep yelling, you need to decide what you are going to tell her."

"It won't happen again," Jade answered glumly. "It was a rough night – and a rough morning – and we're not handling it well. Thank you for taking care of Violet." She was silent as she reached for a bottle of water and carried it to the kitchen table. "Beck doesn't get it."

"How could he?" Tori said softly. "He loves you – but he didn't live through it. He doesn't know what it's like to have no control over a situation – over your own body."

"We are not talking about this right now," Jade said quickly, her eyes staring at the grain in the kitchen table.

"If you do want to talk – you don't have to go far to find me," Tori answered, before swiftly changing the subject. "Where is Cat?"

"Robbie invited her for ice cream and mini golf, so she left me with three different baking projects," Jade said.

"Are they – dating – again?"

Jade shook her head and looked up at Tori with a dour expression. "I told Robbie I'd have him fixed if he touched her again. I think he got the idea. But she loves spending time with him. What can I do?"

"Are you going back to see Isabelle tomorrow?" Jade nodded.

Jade nodded. "If you could pick up Violet from school – I don't know how long I'll be there." Tori nodded.

"It's okay. We'll be fine." Her eyes lit up and she smiled widely. "She's pretty adorable carrying around the violin – it's almost as big as she is."

"And she has her eyes on the cello," Jade said, matching Tori's grin.

A week later, Jade had spent an additional four sessions with Isabelle and her brain felt like jello. There was nothing left to extract; every bad feeling she'd ever had was bubbling at the surface and she could barely remember which way was up. She tried not allow it to seep into her daily life, but she found her mind wandering more easily and her heart jumping at the slightest touch that she didn't see coming.

On the Friday before the hearing, Jade had a check-up with Dr. Brown. Beck wanted to go with her, but he didn't know how many days he might miss for the hearing – so he was forced to go to the set that day. Tori had her piano lessons and would be taking Violet to school, so Jade was on her own. She briefly considered taking Cat, but that idea fell immediately to the wayside; she still hadn't told Cat about her pregnancy. If her pregnancy with Violet was any indication, she had another month – perhaps two – before she was unable to hide her bump.

So, she waited alone for Dr. Brown and tried to think about anything but the hearing. By the time the older woman walked into the room, Jade was on the verge of a meltdown. Dr. Brown's eyes rose. "I haven't seen you this upset since the first time I met you," the woman said, reaching forward to take Jade's pulse. She guided her back against the table and ordered her to close her eyes. Jade followed her voice through a few breathing exercises until her pulse and heartbeat settled back down.

"Sorry," Jade croaked after she found her voice.

"Jade – I know about the hearing. There is no way it's going to end in that woman's favor."

"How do you know?"

"Your lawyer requested a statement. I provided one."

"Without my consent?"

"She had a signed waiver," Dr. Brown answered. "I thought you would know." Jade hadn't known, but she did remember absently signing a bunch of legal documents Addie had thrust in front of her several weeks prior.

"Jade, I should have called the police years ago when I first saw you—those people have no business having any child in their care."

"I didn't want that," Jade argued. "I didn't want to press charges. I just wanted it to go away. I didn't know it would come back to hurt someone else."

"It's not going to," Dr. Brown assured her. "Come on, let's get this exam over with so you can go home and rest. You need to try to keep the stress as low as possible. Especially during the hearing." After the exam was completed and Jade's blood pressure was still through the roof, Dr. Brown gave her a pill and made her lie down and wait for it to take effect. Once it did, her blood pressure was significantly lower.

"You need to take one every 12 hours – and come back next Friday – after the hearing."

"Are they safe?"

"They're safer than walking around with sky-high blood pressure," the doctor told her. "It's going to be fine. "The little one looks perfect – everything is in the normal range – I'm not worried. You shouldn't be either. Just try to rest as much as you can – stay off your feet as much as possible until you come back. We'll check your blood pressure again."

Normally, Jade might have scoffed and ignored her – but she had known Dr. Brown for many years – and the woman didn't bluff. So, once she reached home, Jade ate a light lunch and crawled into bed for a nap.

By Monday morning, she had spent far too much time in bed and was ready to be running around again. Beck, also taking the doctor's words very seriously, kept her from doing too much. Even after she was dressed and ready to go, he made her lay in bed until it was time to leave. She received breakfast in bed and Violet came to find her and kiss her goodbye.

"Mommy, why are you all dressed up in bed?" Violet asked, giggling at the sight. Jade was dressed more formally than usual in a black dress and dark green sweater. Her necklace was a long chain ending in a dazzling emerald, its smaller cousins glinting from her ears. She was wearing silk stockings and her black heels were at the end of the bed.

"I'm just resting a little until we leave," Jade told her. She kissed Violet's cheek and hugged her tightly. "You be good for Andre." Violet had already been told that she was being taken to school – and possibly picked up from school – by Andre. The musical "uncle" was in charge of keeping Violet and Cat out of the way and unknowing. Cat thought Jade and Tori were going to the studio for a new project – so she was still in bed, enjoying the rare opportunity to sleep in. Dianna had orders to allow her.

Once Violet was gone, Beck lifted Jade from the bed, bridal style, and carried her down the stairs. "What are you doing?" Jade asked. "I'm not an invalid."

"Dr. Brown said you should rest," he said with a shrug. He smirked. "Plus, this makes me feel more manly."

"Well, Mr. Manly," Tori said teasingly, "you were about to take her to court with no shoes." Tori held Jade's shoes in one hand and her purse in the other. She was also dressed for court in gray pants and a soft cream blouse. Despite all of Jade's pleas, she intended to be present at the hearing. Ella and Bryan were also on the "weren't-invited-but-still-coming" list.

When they arrived in the courthouse, Addie looked positively giddy. She pointed toward the courtroom and Tori and the Olivers went in to find a seat. Then she led Beck and Jade into a small, private room. "Judge Turner was given a huge divorce case that another judge had to recuse himself from, so he's no longer overseeing your case." Jade looked hopeful and Addie nodded. "It's a good thing – it puts you back on an even playing field. Your mother's play for sympathy won't be as easy. "

Their case was the first on her docket and the judge seemed not to be amused. "Why are you bringing me a grandparent case?" She asked Camilla's lawyer, annoyance ringing in her tone. "You know there is no statute in the state that takes away a parents' right to choose who does and does not see their child." Emily slipped into the back of the court room; Jade had – uncharacteristically – asked her to come. She was tired of allowing her demons to mess with her present. She was ready to start fighting back.

"With all due respect, your honor, there have been recent precedents set by the supreme court of California – allowing for visitation rights for grandparents. I believe this case warrants an exception – and your time."

"I'll give you five minutes to convince me not to kick your client out of court and press charges against you for wasting the court's time."

"Yes, your honor." The man gestured to Camilla and then turned back to the judge. "My client, Camilla West, has precious few months to live. She has been diagnosed with inoperable cancer and her dying wish is to know her granddaughter." He offered the judge the paperwork to prove his words. She skimmed it before looking up at Addie.

"And the parental objection to this visitation?"

Addie stood from behind her table and addressed the judge. "Mrs. West and her live-in boyfriend have a history of violence toward children, your honor."

"Of course they do," the judge said sarcastically. "And you're going to keep me here for days, aren't you Fisher?"

Addie smiled politely. "Your honor – my clients have rights as parents. And if opposing council is going to suggest those rights be forfeit, then I'm going to fight him tooth in nail." The judge shook her head, but Jade could see that she admired Addie. The young lawyer had clearly appeared before this judge in the past.

The judge turned to Camilla's lawyer. "You may make your argument. Quickly." The man called Camilla as his first witness. The woman was sworn in and walked to the witness stand. Whether she actually needed the help or was just putting on an act, she hobbled to the stand with help from John. Jade's expression remained calm but she was clenching her hands, one in Beck's grasp and one against the wood of the bench.

"Mrs. West, can you tell us about why we're here today? Why do you believe this is your only option to see your granddaughter?"

"My daughter was always cruel and dismissive. She started sneaking out of the house and not coming home at night when she was thirteen. Her father believed her lies about me and asked for custody. Threatened me – actually. I thought it was for the best, so I allowed her to go. I never had the chance to foster a positive relationship with her – I don't want to lose the chance to have a relationship with my granddaughter."

"Why do you believe that your daughter is trying to keep you from seeing your granddaughter?"

"She's vindictive – she always has been. She's never wanted me to be happy. And this last thing would bring me peace so close to death – it's her final attempt to ensure that I'm alone."

"You tried to speak with her about visiting Violet, before bringing this case to court?"

"Of course," Camilla said with a nod. "I went to her home and her nanny kindly invited me in." Tori bristled; Camilla knew she wasn't the nanny. "I had the opportunity to see Violet for the first time – she's a beautiful, kind child. Then my daughter came home and threw me out – she threatened me first – and slapped me."

Jade's eyes narrowed. Camilla had slapped her that day, not the other way around. She gained Addie's attention and whispered that truth.

"Ms. West, can you explain why you chose to bring this suit against your daughter?"

"I want to know my granddaughter before I die."

"Why now? She's four years old – she'll be five this spring. You've never made any attempts to see her before this."

"I've not been in contact with my daughter for years – I had no idea that she had a child until I saw the girl on the red carpet at the awards show in September. That was when I tried to reach out to Jade and arrange something. I tried once in person and then after the threat, I called twice. She hung up on me both times."

"Ms. West, your daughter's lawyer has already made the accusation that you've abused your daughter. Did that ever happen?"

"Never," Camilla answered solemnly. Jade's eyes burned. The woman looked directly at her as she said the word that negated what they both knew to be true.

"Is there anything that might suggest abuse?"

"Jade was very clumsy," Camilla said in a nonchalant voice. "She was always tripping or falling or dropping something. It embarrassed her, so when people outside of home started to notice, she began blaming me. I would never hurt my child."

It was only half an hour before Addie had a chance to question Camilla, but it felt like an eternity. The lies were so blatant, so simple, and so calm – coming from her mother's lips. Each one dug a bit deeper and hurt Jade a bit more than the one before it.

Addie smiled "Ms. West, how old was Jade when you began to hit her?"

"I never did such a thing." But the rage in Camilla's eyes at the direct accusation – the pause that had followed – it added doubt to her previous words.

"Can you name a happy memory from Jade's childhood?"

"I'm sure there were many," Camilla said slowly, reaching for a memory that didn't exist. "But I suppose my favorite would be the night Jade won the second grade spelling bee. We went out for Ice Cream to celebrate. It was a happy occasion."

"You're sure she had ice cream?"

"Yes," Camilla said, clearly losing her patience.

"That's all I have," Addie said, taking her seat behind the nearby table.

Addie had been planning to call Jade to testify, but Camilla's lawyer beat her to it. Jade walked calmly to the stand and climbed the three small steps. She swore to tell the truth and sat down in the leather chair. She was sitting almost directly in front of her mother and John. She forced them from her vision until she was focusing on the wood work on the bannister in front of her and they were mere foggy blobs.

"Mrs. Oliver, why have you decided to withhold visitation from your mother?" Mr. Bennett asked her.

"She abused me for a majority of my childhood – ignored me for the rest of it – and was not a part of my life after my dad took custody when I was thirteen. She treated me with cruelty and unkindness. I don't want her anywhere near my daughter."

"Your mother said, under oath, that you are the cruel one."

"If I was ever cruel – and I'll agree that I could be in my teens – it was only because I learned it from her."

"Mrs. Oliver, is it fair to say you were a difficult child?" Jade fought a smirk. She nodded slightly.

"I was not a pleasant teenager," she allowed. "But that was after the abuse. So if you're asking if I deserved it, I think the answer is no," she said firmly.

"That's not at all what I was asking," the lawyer said. "I simply wanted to assess your agreement with the fact that you were a difficult child. Did you lie?"

"Kids lie," Jade said, her voice bored.

"Did you lie?"

"Of course," Jade answered. "Usually-"

"That's all I needed to know," the lawyer interrupted her. Addie attempted to interject but she was overruled. "If you are, admittedly a liar, how can we possibly believe your stories of an abusive childhood?"

"I lied to save myself from being beaten or raped. I'd hardly consider that wrong. And, I am not a liar. I may have lied about things when I was a child - to keep myself safe - but I have never lied in my adult life. I don't make up stories." She knew her mistake the moment the words exited her mouth. The snake of a lawyer smiled at her.

"But you do make up stories, don't you Mrs. Oliver? He picked up her novel and held it in the air. "Isn't this your book, Mrs. Oliver?"

"Yes," Jade said. He held up several of her plays, the soft bindings fanned in his hand to show all seven covers.

"And these plays, are they yours as well?"

"Yes," Jade said. "But-"

"What is the general content of your plays, Mrs. Oliver?"

"Familial discontent and abuse," Jade said quickly. It was the exact wording from a review - a raving one - she'd received in a recent Broadway review. "But-"

"And your novel? What is it about?"

"A little girl who is killed by her abusive step-father. Her story is told through all of the people who have passed through her life and seen only glimpses - once they come together, the picture is clear and whole."

"I believe you were nominated for a Pulitzer Prize for this, am I correct?" Jade nodded. "So, you create stories of abuse. Why should we believe the story you're weaving about your mother and step-father?"

"Where do you think I got the fodder for those stories?" Jade asked him harshly. "I'm not lying. They abused me for years and I can't allow them to touch my daughter."

"If they were as abusive as you claim, why did you never tell the authorities? Why did you never make accusations until now?"

"I was afraid," Jade told him firmly. "I was thirteen years old - I just wanted to get on with my life."

The lawyer insinuated several more times that she was a liar, and then quickly grew bored with her. Addie stepped in front of Jade and captured her attention before moving across the room, dragging her gaze away from her mother and John.

"Mrs. Oliver, did you eat Ice Cream after a spelling bee in second grade?"

"No," Jade answered. The opposing council tried to argue, but the judge shut him down.

"How do you know, with certainty, that event never occurred?"

"I can't eat Ice Cream," Jade said calmly. "My body can't process the milk fat. I've never eaten it – I don't drink cow's milk. I never have." Abby beamed. Camilla's lawyer tried to back track, but the damage was done.

"How do you account for your mother's incorrect memory?"

"Several factors," Jade answered. "First – it was a lie. She never attended any school functions until I was a senior. Second – It was a poorly thought-out lie – because she had no regard for my life – she certainly didn't keep track of my food allergies."

"Tell me again why you believe your mother shouldn't be allowed contact with your daughter," Addie instructed.

"She abused me through most of my childhood – until I got away and went to live with my dad."

"How did she abuse you?"

"In any way she could," Jade answered angrily. "She never called me by my name. She would call me 'bitch,' 'brat,' 'slut,' or 'you.' Occasionally she was more creative when she was angry. She would trip me and hit me, but make it seem like it had been my fault. When I was in first grade, I was really excited to go to my best friend's birthday party. The night before, she tripped me down a flight of stairs and broke my arm."

"Could it have been an accident?"

"No," Jade said, shaking her head. "I wasn't clumsy. She told everyone I was – but I never fell or tripped at school or anywhere else – only at home." She paused and the next memory came flooding in. She described experience after experience of being hit, kicked, slapped, and slammed into doors and walls. Beck held his mother's hand as she described Camilla burning her with a candle. She talked about hiding in her bedroom for days on end to avoid upsetting whatever balance she had found. When she finished speaking, Addie could see there was something she was holding back.

"Is there something else?"

"When I was young – I don't know how old but my dad still lived there – she accused me of touching her purse. I told her I didn't do it – but she said I stole her lipstick. She told me that in the Middle East, when you stole things, they cut off your hand. She sat on me and tried to cut my finger off with scissors. But my dad came home before she could get it all the way through – and she told him I did it." In the courtroom, Beck and Emily both realized that she was remembering that particular incident for the first time. "She told him I did it." She carefully, slowly, removed her wedding band and engagement ring to reveal the smooth, straight-edged scar that encircled her finger. She stared at it. Beck had asked about that scar before; she'd always claimed not to have any idea where it came from. Now she remembered.

"She did do it," Camilla yelled. "She was always obsessed with scissors."

"Ms. West, that's enough," the Judge said, banging her gavel. "If you make another comment out of turn, I will have you removed." Addie saw that Jade was frozen and quickly requested a break, which was granted. Beck met her at the bottom of the stairs to the witness stand.

"Are you okay?" he asked, knowing it was the stupidest question he could possibly pose. But he couldn't think of a better one.

"She can't be allowed near Violet," Jade said, her eyes wild with fear.

"She's not going to be allowed," Beck said, pulling his arms around her.

"We have to leave," she said softly. "If the judge gives her visitation, we have to take Violet and leave."

"Let's not have this very illegal discussion in the middle of a courtroom," Beck answered, whispering into her ear. "I think things are going our way. The judge doesn't trust her. It's almost over." He rubbed his hands along her back, trying to offer her some sort of reassurance. She sat between him and Ella, closing her eyes for the small break they had been given. When the judge reentered the small room, Jade was called back to the stand. Once she was seated, the judge turned to speak directly to her.

"Do you have anyone to corroborate your allegations?" The judge asked. Her voice was kind; Jade could see she believed her - but she needed evidence. Something. Jade's hand rose to her temple; a migraine was starting behind her eyes. The fluorescent lights of the courtroom were pulsating.

She didn't know what to say; no one had ever seen her mother or John in action; no one except for her father, who hadn't been reachable in months. She knew they had a statement from Dr. Brown – but she wasn't there to actually speak. Before she could respond, she saw someone stand in her peripheral vision; it was her father.

"Your honor," he said, "I am Alexander West - Jade's father. I can speak to one instance of abuse that I saw for myself." The judge looked at him and nodded. She looked at Jade.

"You may step down, Mrs. Oliver. You are still under oath and we may call you back to the stand." Jade nodded. She sat next to Beck as her father was sworn in and took the witness stand. She closed her eyes and listened to his explanation of the night he's taken her away from Camilla. It felt as though the scars on her back were burning as he spoke. Beck held her tightly, whispering words of comfort into her ear. Tori sat on his other side, ramrod straight. She hadn't said a word throughout the morning. Ella and Bryan sat on her other side.

Addie asked him to back up Jade's stories about the scissor and the burns from the spaghetti sauce. Alex was aghast to realize his ex-wife had done both of those things – but he remembered them clearly. You didn't forget having to drive your daughter to the emergency room.

Once Alex had finished his testimony, the judge thanked him and turned to both lawyers and said, "I've heard enough."

"I don't believe you've brought me any compelling reason to award visitation rights to Ms. West. I wish I had the naïve ability to believe that nothing that I heard today is true – but I'm compelled to trust the testimonies of Jade and Alex West. Pending further investigation, I will see to it that Camilla West and John Trumbull have no further contact with any child."

Jade slumped against Beck's embrace, sobbing with relief.

* * *

Thanks for reading. This was a very difficult piece of the story to write – so please take a moment to review! No worries - it's not as close to the end as you think.


	22. To Live Is So Startling

Sorry for the wait. On top of my life being really sort of insane right now… I've also been toying with the ending to this story. I had two options. I've chosen one of them. I hope you like it.

* * *

Chapter 21 – To Live Is So Startling

"_To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else."_

~Emily Dickinson

"Where were you?" It was the first thing out of Jade's mouth after the hearing was over – and it was directed angrily at her father. Alex West looked ashamedly at his shoes, not answering at first. She wasn't coherent enough to accept his apologies anyway. They had to leave the courtroom, so Beck carried her into the little waiting room Addie showed them to and sat on a small sofa, his wife pulled snugly into his lap. Everyone was happy – well, the sentiment was more relief than joy since none of them could erase the things they'd heard – but Jade seemed to be in shock. Relief was nowhere on her radar.

Emily took her pulse and blood pressure and assured Beck she was fine – she just need a few minutes. It took closer to twenty, but she eventually picked up her head, glared at her father, and repeated her question. He sat in a chair across from her.

"Jade, you have every right to be upset. I'm sorry I haven't been here. I just got in to town this morning and I came straight to the courthouse. I got in just before the judge stepped in – I didn't have time to let you know I was here."

"Thank you for getting here," Addie said happily. "You're a hard man to track down, Mr. West."

"I was at my grandfather's cabin in rural England," he told Jade. "Michelle and I are trying to work out our differences and see if we can make our marriage work." He sighed and shook his head. "I told her we're finished after I found out what she'd done – she's been erasing your messages, I never got them."

"I wish I could take a six week break," Jade muttered. She looked up again at her father. "If you didn't get my messages – how did you know to get here?"

He smiled. "Your lawyer is persistent. She sent someone to find me."

Jade turned to look at Addie. "You sent someone to England to find my dad?" Addie shrugged.

"Your retainer is more than generous – and one of the minions wanted to see England. It was a win-win."

She looked at her lawyer, glaring suspiciously. "Remind me not to fire you the next time you piss me off." Addie simply smiled. Jade turned to her father, looking him over cautiously. "Thank you for coming," she said finally.

"I'm just sorry you had to deal with this." He paused. "Jade, why didn't you tell me? About the burns? The scissors? You never said a word." She shrugged.

"I don't want to talk about it." She hid her face in Beck's chest, and that was the end of the conversation.

That night, they had a celebratory dinner. Cat and Violet had no idea why they were celebrating, but they never argued about the chance to spend time with the people they loved – and eat homemade pizza.

Violet was thrilled when she arrived home from school to find Alex in the kitchen, talking with Ella and Bryan. "Grandpa!" She cried, throwing herself at him. He smiled and caught her in a big hug.

"Violet, you must have grown three feet since I last saw you!"

She giggled. "You're silly. I'm not that big."

"Maybe not," Alex admitted. "But you're getting there. And just as pretty as your mom, to boot!" The little girl grinned and kissed his cheek.

Violet greeted her other grandparents and then disappeared to her room to put away her school things and change. They all sat down to a dinner of salad and homemade pizza with plenty of beer and wine. The mood was light and there were smiles all around. Violet told everyone about her school day – and about what she had learned on the violin. She then made them listen to what she'd learned on the violin. Jade made a mental note to send the teacher a more interesting book of beginner songs.

The happy chatter died down as Tori appeared from the pantry with a cake. "I figured we'd have something to be happy about," she said, placing the cake on the table. She'd clearly made it the day before. Dessert was being served when, during a conversational lull, Cat looked suspiciously at Jade. She studied her best friend with concentration. Finally, she spoke.

"When are you having another baby?" she asked. Jade's fork fell to her dessert plate. Those in the room who hadn't known looked up in surprise. Those who did know looked at their plates, avoiding any chance to give up the information.

Jade smiled and shook her head. "Cat, you're something else. How did you figure that out?"

"You smile more when you're pregnant," Cat hold her simply. "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" She seemed excited.

"Not yet," Jade answered slowly. She spoke softly to the redhead, despite the other eyes in the room fixed on them. "Are you okay with this?"

Cat nodded eagerly. "You should have more babies – you're good at it." With that potential problem solved, Jade turned to look at Violet, who was the only one still munching on her dessert.

"Vi?" The little girl looked up at her mother, curiously.

"Yep?"

"You're going to have a little brother or sister."

"I know," Violet told her simply. Jade's eyes grew wide.

"How did you know?"

"I heard you talk about your children to Aunt Tori. Children means more than one." Jade remembered the conversation she was referencing; it had happened almost two weeks before.

Jade fought a chuckle and shook her head. "You're right. Are you okay with that?"

Violet shrugged. "As long as I don't have to share my room. Faith has to share her room. It doesn't sound like fun."

"You don't have to share your room," Jade answered. She couldn't believe – after all the worrying she had done – that both Cat and Violet knew far more than she'd given them credit for. Andre made some joke about Beck being outnumbered – and how he'd better hope this one was a boy – and the subject was closed.

After dinner, Beck offered to take Violet, Cat, and anyone else interested out for Frozen Yogurt. It left Jade alone with her father. It was the first private non-phone conversation they had in six months.

"You need to get that woman out of your house," Jade told him almost immediately, once they were alone. She remembered the way it had looked when she'd gone there to try and reason with Camilla.

"The house isn't important," Alex said. "As long as she's being made to leave you alone – she can have the house."

"Dad," Jade said angrily. "It's your house. You should be living in it – or you should be selling it and using the money to retire. You've got to be tired. And I'm sure Violet would like to see you more often." The last sentence carried a secret message – Violet wasn't the only one who might like that idea. There was a part of Jade that still craved her father's love and approval. She knew it was messed up – and she knew he loved her the best way he knew how – but sometimes she had moments when she needed more.

"I'll think about it," he promised. He left shortly after offering one last round of apologies. Jade accepted them and hugged him, thanking him for his help.

After Violet was tucked into bed, Jade sat in the living room, watching the fireplace crackle. Beck was on the phone with his manager, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She was dazing, allowing herself to be hypnotized by the fire, when Tori approached. Wordlessly, she sat next to Jade on the sofa and stole an edge of the fleece blanket, putting her feet beneath it.

"I can't apologize for never sharing – it wasn't going to happen. It wouldn't have happened now if Violet hadn't been at stake."

"So instead of letting people know that you were in pain – or that you needed help – you spent the first 20 or so years of your life being a total bitch."

"Pretty much."

"Jade, You don't have to be alone in this anymore. No one is going to think any less of you because of what happened. It doesn't change who you are." Jade wanted to believe Tori – the rational portion of her brain did believe her friend – but there was an ache in her heart and a disgusting taste in her mouth that told her otherwise. The ghosts she'd had to unveil that day and the weeks leading up to it were weighing heavily over her.

Tori left after a few minutes of silence and again Jade was alone until Cat crawled onto the sofa, curling into Jade's lap and pulling another blanket over them both. "What happened today?" Cat asked, her voice sounded more grown- up than usual. Jade was absently playing with her hair, twirling the red strands loosely through her fingers and then smoothing them.

"We had to talk about bad things," Jade told her. Cat made a sound somewhere between a sigh and a whimper, indicating that she got the idea. Jade continued her ministrations, hoping that Cat wasn't in the mood or mindset to be chatty or prophetic.

"Did you talk about your mom?"

"I did," Jade answered. "What kind of frozen yogurt did you get?"

"The pink raspberry kind," Cat answered. "With sprinkles." Points to Beck, Jade through – that was the only flavor the nearby shop offered in sugar-free. "Is your mom being mean again?"

"She's always mean," Jade answered. "We don't need to worry about her anymore after today. How was work?"

"I wore a pretty yellow dress but I had to pretend to be sad. I don't like pretending to be sad. It reminds me of sad in real life."

"It's just a movie," Jade reminded her. "It's acting."

"I know," Cat answered with a sigh. "I get to be happy in tomorrow's scenes. And I still get to wear the pretty yellow dress."

After another twenty minutes listening to the next scenes they were shooting for Cat's most recent movie, Jade sent her on her way. "It's getting late – what is your call time tomorrow?"

"Six," Cat said with a groan.

"You need to get upstairs and get to bed then," Jade told her. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Jadey," Cat said, sitting up and pecking Jade on the cheek before she had time to argue.

"Goodnight," Jade answered, offering her oldest friend a quick hug.

"Tomorrow will be happier," Cat assured her.

Jade smiled. "It will be." Less than an hour later, Jade prepared for bed and slipped under the covers. The rest of the house was quiet as she and Beck lay in bed, wrapped in each other's arms. "I can't believe it's finally over," Jade told him.

He was busy brushing his fingers lazily through her hair. "Believe it," he said softly. "It's over. Everyone is safe and where they should be." He kissed her lips gently, then dropped a kiss at the top of her hairline. "So close your eyes – and get some sleep." He pulled his right arm around her, his hand resting sprawled across tiny bump of an abdomen.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

Sorry it was short - but I thought it worked in this case.

The epilogue should be up shortly. Hopefully tonight. It's almost done – it just needs polished. I have three questions (the last has several parts):

What did you like or dislike about this chapter?

What was your favorite part of the entire story so far?

Are you interested in another story in the series? - or have you had enough angst in the lives of Beck, Jade, Tori, and Co? I starting weaving another plot line into this story – but then I decided to pull it out and see if it will stand on its own. It wouldn't be right away - I need some time to work on it. The new story would be more Tori centric than this one. (With a lot of Jade, of course, because she's got her fingers in everything)… And where Jade goes, so go Beck and Cat – and now the children). But it's quite possibly the most evil concept I've come up with yet. So I've got some angst over it… Let me know what you think...


	23. Epilogue – The Value to Survival

Thank you for your kind words, support, and lovely reviews along the way. I've much enjoyed writing these stories; the excitement and interaction from the readers is half the fun (although I do love writing for the sake of writing... it is so much better to share it). I think this epilogue gives a bit of closure. If you haven't, please go back to the last chapter and review - answer my questions :-) Then read this and tell me what you think. I know, I'm demanding. Thanks for being a part of the journey these stories have created. If I can make it work... I might pop back up with another one in the not too distant future. No promises (I don't want to disappoint), but a possibility.

* * *

Timeline – it's set a little less than a year and a half after the end of the last chapter.

* * *

Epilogue – The Value to Survival

_Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival._

~C.S. Lewis

It was a gorgeous California summer day. There was just enough of a breeze to keep the heat from feeling oppressive and the sunshine was clear and bright. Jade watched from the side of the stage as the amphitheater filled with bubbly, excited fans. The sound of something metal crashing into the wooden boards of the stage, followed by stammering apologies, caused her to roll her eyes.

"Robbie, get out of their way," she told him sharply. He turned a brighter shade of red and backed away from the tech crew that was trying to prepare for the show.

"Cat is looking for you," he said. Jade backed away from the stage and followed the various hallways below the stage and into the dressing room Cat was sharing with Tori. The vibrant redhead was moving quickly through the room, clearly searching for something.

Jade watched her almost topple over a music stand before she put a stop to the madness. She stepped in front of her oldest friend, grabbing her attention. "What are you looking for?"

"I lost my dress," Cat told her breathlessly.

"Which dress?" Jade asked, eyeing a rack near the door that was laden with dresses; several of them belonged to the redheaded woman.

"The pink one," Cat answered with exasperation.

"You have more than one pink dress," Jade told her, walking to the rack and flipping through it. "What is wrong with one of these?" Several of them were pink. Jade held one up randomly.

"That's not the right one," Cat whined.

Before Jade could try to pacify her with one of the currently available options, Tori appeared in the room with a hanger in one hand. From the hanger hung a dark pink dress with a short, full skirt and spaghetti straps. It was covered in polka dots and tiny sprigs of lighter pink flowers. Cat squealed in delight.

"You left this in the car," Tori told her, offering her the hanger. Cat took it, hugged Tori, and disappeared into the adjoining bathroom.

Jade and Tori both watched her go and then exchanged looks. "Remind me why I'm doing this?" Jade said, already feeling weeks of exhaustion creeping into her bones. The tour hadn't started yet and she could feel how tired it was going to make her.

"For me," Tori responded. "And thank you."

"Stop thanking me, just make sure Cat doesn't lose anything else before she gets onstage."

"I can do that," Tori said. Her expression changed to one of more doubt. "I can try."

Jade smiled and turned to leave the room, almost bumping directly into her husband. He smiled and leaned down to kiss her, his arms full with an extremely precious package. He handed their almost-one-year-old daughter to his wife. "She wants you."

"She wants food," Jade corrected him with a smirk. She carried Coral to her dressing room and Beck followed. He watched as she sat on her sofa and pulled a blanket over her shoulder. She stealthily undressed partially under the blanket and held Coral so she could eat. The child didn't need much direction; she latched on immediately.

A short two hours later, they could hear the noise from the fans gathered to watch the show. Now the space was full; the sound was almost deafening. After checking on Violet and Coral one last time – sitting in private box seats with their dad and their grandparents – Jade walked onto the right wing of the stage and stood next to Tori.

"You're going to be fine," Jade promised her, watching as Tori stared at the stage before them.

"This is going to change everything," Tori responded.

"Sometimes that's not a bad thing," her friend responded. "Now, that clapping is for you – get your ass on that stage before I drag you out there myself." She smiled a happy and relaxed smile – something that eighteen months prior would have been strange. They had both fought so many demons. They had all overcome so much. If ever there was a culminating moment that made it all seem worth it, this was it.

Tori stepped onto the stage as the band played the introduction for the second time.

_I feel delirious  
Come let's get out of here_

After the first few lines, Cat and Jade were on stage, entering from opposite sides and joining in the song. The crowd exploded at the sight. Jade was the headliner for the tour – her fans hadn't expected her on stage so soon. And they certainly hadn't expected her singing back up.

_We're so anonymous  
But it's all coming clear  
We're heading for the sky  
And we'll get lost in it_

Robbie followed Cat and Andre followed Jade, coming from the sides and onto the stage and joining in the song. Jade and Andre harmonized and she smiled as she leaned against him, back to back, singing a song they'd first performed over ten years prior.

_Cause all I want, all I want, all I want is everything_

_I will pose if I wanna_  
_I will vogue like Madonna_  
_I might not dance like MJ, RIP_  
_But I will give the best of me_

_All I want is everything, yes everything_  
_Too much is not enough_  
_I'm sick of settling for in between_  
_And I'm not giving up_  
_As long as it feels right_  
_At least we know that we're alive_  
_All I want is everything, yes everything yeah, oh_

_We don't ever stop_  
_Let's watch the sun come up_  
_We'll sleep when we're dead_  
_Cause halfway kind of sucks_  
_We're heading for the sky_  
_And we'll get lost in it_  
_Cause all I want, all I want, all I want is everything._

_I will pose if I wanna_  
_I will vogue like Madonna_  
_I might not dance like MJ, RIP_  
_But I will give the best of me_

_All I want is everything, yes everything_  
_Too much is not enough_  
_I'm sick of settling for in between_  
_And I'm not giving up_  
_As long as it feels right_  
_At least we know that we're alive_  
_All I want is everything, yes everything yeah, oh_

_Hold onto me and I'll hold onto you_  
_Don't over think, what have we got to lose?_  
_It's me and you, me and you no matter what_  
_Oooh_

_We're heading for the sky_  
_And we'll get lost in it_  
_Cause all I want, all I want, all I want is everything_

_I will pose if I wanna_  
_I will vogue like Madonna_  
_I might not dance like MJ, RIP_  
_But I will give the best of me_

_All I want is everything, yes everything_  
_Too much is not enough_  
_I'm sick of settling for in between_  
_And I'm not giving up_  
_As long as it feels right_  
_At least we know that we're alive_  
_All I want is everything, yes everything yeah, oh_

Tori continued her first set with two more songs, both things she'd written in high school with the help of Andre. After Andre sang a song on his own, Tori returned for a second small set – this time with new songs. The crowd loved her, just as they always had.

Tori thanked the audience and was walking off stage when Jade walked on, stopping her. The darker haired-brunette handed a microphone to Tori, taking the one on stage for herself. "Thank you so much for coming to the show tonight." The crowd cheered. "This is a fun one for all of us – most of these songs were things we wrote and performed in high school. I want to thank Tori Vega for getting the show started – I'd say she set the bar pretty high." The crowd roared. "Let's hear another round of applause for Tori." It was a monstrous sound and Tori had to fight not to look down at her feet. "Now, before she goes back stage – I think she has time for one more song. What do you guys think?" The audience cheered again and the music started.

Jade and Tori's duet had not been planned – but it went over fabulously with the crowd. It wasn't a song that had ever been recorded – nothing that Jade's fans had ever captured and posted online. It was wholly new – and with a youthful, vibrant sound. And it was fun.

_One.  
Get your hands off my—  
Two.  
Or I'll punch you in the—  
Three.  
Stop your staring at my—  
Hey!  
Take a hint, take a hint  
I am not your missing link  
Let me tell you what I think  
I think you could use a mint  
Take a hint, take a hint_

They ended the song with their harms around one another and indulged in a quick hug before Tori took her last bow. A bow she never imagined could have happened. It was an evening that would begin a tour that – five years ago – had seemed like an insurmountable impossibility. A tour that would reintroduce Victoria Vega to the music scene. She took that bow – the first that they all knew would become many - and handed over the stage to Jade – the surprising friend-for-life who had helped to make it happen when all had seemed lost.


End file.
